My daughter, Ember, was born on 10 August 2008 and since she started talking, at about 15 months, she has proven herself to be a bit of a thinker. Some of the things she comes out with are absolute gems and this blog is a way to keep track of them. The title of this blog comes from a day when, wearily, I asked Ember "What do you think is the meaning of life Em?" She thought for a moment then confidently replied "Toddlers." I'm tending to agree!

Friday, November 21, 2014

Life after death

In the car yesterday Em suddenly piped up...

Em: Mummy. You know when you're dead?
Me: Yes.
Em: Where do you go? Do you come back as an animal?
Me: Well, no-one really knows. Some people think that your spirit, the bit inside you that makes you you, goes up to heaven; some people think you get reincarnated, come back onto earth as a different person or as an animal; some people think there's nothing, you just get reabsorbed into the world; some people think you go up to be a star... but no-one knows for sure.
Em: When I die, then I'll know for sure.
Me: Yes, I guess you will.
Em: I hope I come back as an animal. Do you know what I want to come back as Mummy?
Me: A tiger [since she tells me daily that she's a real baby tiger]
Em: No. A horse.
Me: Oh, ok.
Em: No actually an alicorn. They have wings AND a unicorn horn.
Nana: That sounds like a good idea Em: I'll come back as one of them too.
Em: Ok Nana!

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Looming disaster

I thought we had escaped the loom bands craze but then Em's adopted "big sister" at school gave her some, and Nana bought her some, and she was officially part of the craze. I'm not a crafty type so didn't even try, and Em doesn't really have the patience, so mostly she just ended up winding them round her fingers. 

In the car one day she had a bunch looped around her fingers when she said:

Em: This ones hurting. 
Me: Take it off if it's hurting; you'll cut off your circulation. 
Em: (taking loom bands off fingers) What's circulation?
Me: It's the blood flowing round your body. 
Em: Lucky I took it off then or I could die!
Me: You wouldn't die sweetheart. 
Em: Yes, if my blood stopped following I would die. 
Me: Only if the blood stopped flowing round your whole body. If you left a loom band tight on your finger for days and days your finger might fall off, but you wouldn't die.  
Em: And then I'd get a robot thumb! Some people have robot fingers and foots. Or hair. But I'm glad I don't have robot hair or it would move all slowly, not fast swishing like this. 

Bionic girl? :)

Weather the weather, whatever the weather...

We carpool with my mum, Nana Jay, and although it often seems like Ember is not listening, being busy playing Minecraft or similar on my iPad in the back, we often find from her occasional interjections that she is, in fact, tuning in. The other day it was raining on the way in...

NJ: What horrible weather! Hate it!
Em: Why do you hate it Nana?
NJ: It's raining.
Em: But why do you hate the rain?
NJ: It's cold and wet.
Em: Well Nana, it's winter. It rains in the winter.
NJ: Yes Ember, you're right.
Em: So you just have to get used to it.

And with that she went back to her game.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Boys are silly

Em came in for weekend morning cuddles this morning and out of the blue said:

Em: Mama. You know when little guys grow up into big guys?
Me: Yes.
Em: Do they turn into silly ones?
Me: Some of them do.
Em: So the ones who are silly when they're little guys stay silly when they're growed up?
Me: Pretty much, yes.
Em: Some of the boys in my class are silly ones. I think they'll be silly ones when they are growed up. L is the silliest. I think he'll be the leader of the silly ones when he is a big guy. He's just so silly!
Me: What does he do?
Em: Oh, you know. Silly stuff. He's the leader of the silly team.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Emmy, Emmy, quite contrary

This one needs no context I think...

Em: Mummy, do people hate children?
Me: What?
Em: Do people hate children?
Me: What, all people?
Em: No, just some people far away.
Me: There are some people who don't like children, yes.
Em: What if they grow a children?
Me:  Well, people who don't like children usually don't grow children. (pause)  You're a random child.
Em: No I'm not! I'm not random!
Me: It's good to be random! I'm random too.
Em: I'm not random!
Me: You don't even know what random means.
Em: Tell me what it means then.
Me: It means creative and interesting.
Em: I'm not interesting!
Me: Ok, fine, you're boring then.
Em: No I'm not! I'm not boring! And I'm not interesting!
Me: You're contrary.
Em: No I'm not! What does it mean?
Me: It means you disagree with everything I say.
Em: No I don't!

Ha.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

My Little Monster [Ponies]

I came into the living room the other day to discover that Ember had 'coloured in' a number of her my little ponies to make them into 'monster ponies'.  "Daddy says it will come off" she reassured me.

A couple of days later I tested this by taking one of the ponies into the bathroom and scrubbing it with a nail brush and various types of soap. Needless to say, the colouring didn't come off.

Me: Ember, I don't think this colour is going to come off your ponies.
Em: That's ok, I like them like this.
Me: Well make sure you don't scribble on any more of your toys please.
Em: It's not scribbling, they're monster ponies!
Me: It looks like scribbling to me...
Em: Mummy!  They're just monster ponies ok?  You're just going to have to accept that and move on.

I had no comeback.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

It's just not cricket!

Ember and Nana Jay were driving past a school to pick up the rest of our car pool when Ember pointed out the fenced courts.

Em: Do you know nana, that's where they play cricket.
NJ: Yes they probably do play cricket there sometimes.
Em: The fence is so the crickets and grasshoppers can't get away. The people hit the crickets with sticks. That's a bit sad for the crickets isn't it?

Nana J was relaying this conversation to the rest of the carpool as we drove back past the courts, and I was stuffing my fist into my mouth to keep from laughing.

Em: Why are you laughing Mummy? Is that not quite how it goes? Don't laugh at me!
Me: I'm not laughing at you, it's just this sherbet making me laugh.

Thankfully she decided the sherbet made her laugh too!

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Flying toilets

Partly because the toilet roll dispenser is a bit of a reach from our toilet, and partly because it's easier (for her), Ember still calls for mummy and/or daddy's assistance when she's done on the toilet. She manages on her own at school, so I suspect it's mostly about habit and convenience at home! Anyway, yesterday was rather funny...

Em: Mummy! Come and wipe me!
Me: ok, coming. 
Em: no, wait, don't come yet.
Me: ok.

Quiet for a few minutes.

Me: are you ok? What are you doing?
Em: I'm ok. I'm just waiting in case the toilet flies me away somewhere.
Me: you're what?
Em: I wished the the toilet might fly me away somewhere!
Me: you'd better hope it doesn't; that might get a bit messy!

We did read a little bit of The Wishing Chair a while back, before going back to The Faraway Tree, so perhaps that's where it's come from.  I don't think that "The Wishing toilet" would be quite so popular a tale...

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Squiggle bum

Ember decided she needed to sit on me this evening. Like most five-year-olds she can't sit still for more than 2 seconds so she was quickly squiggling around all over the place. She must have hit an awkward angle or something because she suddenly said:

Em: ouch! Ow!
Me: What?
Em: Keep your hurtings to yourself!
Me: I'm not moving; you're the one squiggling around on my lap.
Em: Well move your lap! Ow!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Speeding Daddies and Pink Beans

I'd like to preface this post by saying that Ember's daddy, Simon, is a very circumspect driver, so much so that on occasion I have called him a "nana driver" ;)  I mention this only because it makes the conversation I had with Ember in the car yesterday, so much more funny!

Em: Muuuummmmmmmyyyyy, are we nearly home?
Me: No.
Em: Have we got a long way to go?
Me: Yes.
Em: Ooooooooooh. Well are you driving one hundred?
Me: No, I'm only allowed to drive at eighty on this bit, so I'm driving at eighty.
Em: When you see the sign that says one hundred, make sure you drive at one hundred, ok?
Me: Ok.
Em: (wee pause) Daddy doesn't slow down when there's a different number on the sign; he just goes one hundred.
Me: Oh, does he now?
Em: Yep he just goes one hundred all the times. And the policemans doesn't give him any tickets.
Me: Is that right?
Em: Yes, because they're scared of big trucks [Si has a Jeep] and when they see him, they just go "AAAAAH!" and run back into their cars and don't give him any tickets.
Me: Did Daddy tell you that?
Em: No, I just know it.  Because Daddy's big and strong enough and if they gived him a ticket he would just rip it up.
Me: Then they'd give him another one.
Em: He'd just rip that one up too. He rips up all of the tickets.
Me: Then they would take him to jail.
Em: No they wouldn't; he wouldn't go.
Me: He would have to go.
Em: No. He'd just push them up into the hills.
Me: The hills?
Em: Yes, he'd push them up into the hills and they'd go "AAAAAH" and run away and away.
Me: You're full of beans today. Did you have baked beans for lunch?
Em: No, Ms Daniels gived them to me.
Me: What?
Em: The beans! And I gobbled them all up.
Me: What kind of beans?
Em: Pink ones; they tasted like strawberries.
Me: I think you're telling stories.
Em: No, I'm not!  Stop laughing Mummy!

In my defence, Nana was also laughing :)