My daughter, Ember, was born on 10 August 2008 and since she started talking, at about 15 months, she has proven herself to be a bit of a thinker. Some of the things she comes out with are absolute gems and this blog is a way to keep track of them. The title of this blog comes from a day when, wearily, I asked Ember "What do you think is the meaning of life Em?" She thought for a moment then confidently replied "Toddlers." I'm tending to agree!

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Emmy, Emmy, quite contrary

This one needs no context I think...

Em: Mummy, do people hate children?
Me: What?
Em: Do people hate children?
Me: What, all people?
Em: No, just some people far away.
Me: There are some people who don't like children, yes.
Em: What if they grow a children?
Me:  Well, people who don't like children usually don't grow children. (pause)  You're a random child.
Em: No I'm not! I'm not random!
Me: It's good to be random! I'm random too.
Em: I'm not random!
Me: You don't even know what random means.
Em: Tell me what it means then.
Me: It means creative and interesting.
Em: I'm not interesting!
Me: Ok, fine, you're boring then.
Em: No I'm not! I'm not boring! And I'm not interesting!
Me: You're contrary.
Em: No I'm not! What does it mean?
Me: It means you disagree with everything I say.
Em: No I don't!

Ha.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

My Little Monster [Ponies]

I came into the living room the other day to discover that Ember had 'coloured in' a number of her my little ponies to make them into 'monster ponies'.  "Daddy says it will come off" she reassured me.

A couple of days later I tested this by taking one of the ponies into the bathroom and scrubbing it with a nail brush and various types of soap. Needless to say, the colouring didn't come off.

Me: Ember, I don't think this colour is going to come off your ponies.
Em: That's ok, I like them like this.
Me: Well make sure you don't scribble on any more of your toys please.
Em: It's not scribbling, they're monster ponies!
Me: It looks like scribbling to me...
Em: Mummy!  They're just monster ponies ok?  You're just going to have to accept that and move on.

I had no comeback.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

It's just not cricket!

Ember and Nana Jay were driving past a school to pick up the rest of our car pool when Ember pointed out the fenced courts.

Em: Do you know nana, that's where they play cricket.
NJ: Yes they probably do play cricket there sometimes.
Em: The fence is so the crickets and grasshoppers can't get away. The people hit the crickets with sticks. That's a bit sad for the crickets isn't it?

Nana J was relaying this conversation to the rest of the carpool as we drove back past the courts, and I was stuffing my fist into my mouth to keep from laughing.

Em: Why are you laughing Mummy? Is that not quite how it goes? Don't laugh at me!
Me: I'm not laughing at you, it's just this sherbet making me laugh.

Thankfully she decided the sherbet made her laugh too!

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Flying toilets

Partly because the toilet roll dispenser is a bit of a reach from our toilet, and partly because it's easier (for her), Ember still calls for mummy and/or daddy's assistance when she's done on the toilet. She manages on her own at school, so I suspect it's mostly about habit and convenience at home! Anyway, yesterday was rather funny...

Em: Mummy! Come and wipe me!
Me: ok, coming. 
Em: no, wait, don't come yet.
Me: ok.

Quiet for a few minutes.

Me: are you ok? What are you doing?
Em: I'm ok. I'm just waiting in case the toilet flies me away somewhere.
Me: you're what?
Em: I wished the the toilet might fly me away somewhere!
Me: you'd better hope it doesn't; that might get a bit messy!

We did read a little bit of The Wishing Chair a while back, before going back to The Faraway Tree, so perhaps that's where it's come from.  I don't think that "The Wishing toilet" would be quite so popular a tale...

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Squiggle bum

Ember decided she needed to sit on me this evening. Like most five-year-olds she can't sit still for more than 2 seconds so she was quickly squiggling around all over the place. She must have hit an awkward angle or something because she suddenly said:

Em: ouch! Ow!
Me: What?
Em: Keep your hurtings to yourself!
Me: I'm not moving; you're the one squiggling around on my lap.
Em: Well move your lap! Ow!

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Speeding Daddies and Pink Beans

I'd like to preface this post by saying that Ember's daddy, Simon, is a very circumspect driver, so much so that on occasion I have called him a "nana driver" ;)  I mention this only because it makes the conversation I had with Ember in the car yesterday, so much more funny!

Em: Muuuummmmmmmyyyyy, are we nearly home?
Me: No.
Em: Have we got a long way to go?
Me: Yes.
Em: Ooooooooooh. Well are you driving one hundred?
Me: No, I'm only allowed to drive at eighty on this bit, so I'm driving at eighty.
Em: When you see the sign that says one hundred, make sure you drive at one hundred, ok?
Me: Ok.
Em: (wee pause) Daddy doesn't slow down when there's a different number on the sign; he just goes one hundred.
Me: Oh, does he now?
Em: Yep he just goes one hundred all the times. And the policemans doesn't give him any tickets.
Me: Is that right?
Em: Yes, because they're scared of big trucks [Si has a Jeep] and when they see him, they just go "AAAAAH!" and run back into their cars and don't give him any tickets.
Me: Did Daddy tell you that?
Em: No, I just know it.  Because Daddy's big and strong enough and if they gived him a ticket he would just rip it up.
Me: Then they'd give him another one.
Em: He'd just rip that one up too. He rips up all of the tickets.
Me: Then they would take him to jail.
Em: No they wouldn't; he wouldn't go.
Me: He would have to go.
Em: No. He'd just push them up into the hills.
Me: The hills?
Em: Yes, he'd push them up into the hills and they'd go "AAAAAH" and run away and away.
Me: You're full of beans today. Did you have baked beans for lunch?
Em: No, Ms Daniels gived them to me.
Me: What?
Em: The beans! And I gobbled them all up.
Me: What kind of beans?
Em: Pink ones; they tasted like strawberries.
Me: I think you're telling stories.
Em: No, I'm not!  Stop laughing Mummy!

In my defence, Nana was also laughing :)

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Besmirching Mummy's Reputation

I might need to change the title of my blog, as Ember is now a big School Girl!  In New Zealand the school year runs from February to December, but you can start school any time from the day you turn five, and you have to start by the time you're six.  Ember's birthday was on a Saturday, and she started the following Monday, part way into term 3.  The school had opened a new, new entrant classroom at the beginning of rerm 3 so the kids are all around the same age, and there were only seven of them when she started (there are about 12 now).  She's having a fantastic time, and loves her teacher, so that's the main thing anyway. :)

We have a new car pool buddy, Mike, and luckily he knew me quite well before we started car pooling as Ember has been doing her best to sully my good name.  The other day, halfway home, Ember suddenly said to me: "Mummy, I don't like it when you go and see the naughty boys," and refused to elaborate on what she meant.  I still have no idea!

This morning when Nana got out of the car, Ember blew her some kisses through the window.

Em: I blew Nana kissles!  I mean kisses! That was kind, wasn't it?
Me: Yes, it was.
Em: Mummy, are blow kisses real?
Me: What do you mean?
Em: When you blow someone a kiss, is it real?
Me: Well, it's a real thing.  You really blow someone a kiss, don't you?
Em: Some people say it's not.
Me: Who?
Em: The boys.  The boys say blowing a kiss isn't a real kiss.
Me: Which boys?
Em: All of them! Except Curtis.

It was quite hard to stifle my laughter...

Monday, July 29, 2013

Existential Angst

Ember has somehow cottoned onto the idea of playing the 'sympathy card', and when she is trying to distract or delay me, she will often say "Well, Mummy, I'm just a bit sad, because..." and will then quickly make up a reason for her 'sadness'.  Usually this is when I want to brush her hair, or put her to bed, or get her into the bath, or out of the bath or dressed (I know, such a mean mother).

On Sunday, we were driving home from the library in the latish afternoon, when Em pipes up:

Em: Mummy, I'm just a bit sad.
Me: Why are you sad sweetheart?
Em: Because the days are too short.
Me: What do you mean?
Em: Well, I get up and I play for a bit, and then we go somewhere and come home and then it's dinner and nearly time for bed again. The day is too short!  I just wish I didn't have to sleep.
Me: You wouldn't have much energy for playing if you didn't sleep.
Em: Well I just wish I didn't.

It's so hard being nearly five and so short of time for play!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

What's her name again?

When I dropped Ember off at Preschool yesterday there was a relief teacher we hadn't met before.  Ember was quite taken with her, partly because she had long hair, and Ember (being obsessed with Rapunzel) is desperate to grow hers long too.  I said hello to the teacher, she introduced herself as Pei Chen, and Ember (who demands that I "give [her] to a teacher" before I'm allowed to leave) was happy to give Pei Chen a cuddle as I was leaving.

That evening when we were talking about Ember's day, I said to her:

Me: Did you like the new teacher today?
Em: What teacher?
Me: Pei Chen, the teacher you were with this morning, with the beautiful long hair.
Em: Oh, yes I did. (pause) But Mummy, is it ok if I don't like a teacher's name?
Me: You mean the name Pei Chen?
Em: Mmmm.
Me: It's ok if you don't like someone's name, but you probably shouldn't say it to them.  Her name sounds a bit different to you because it's Chinese.
Em: What is?
Me: Her name is Chinese.
Em: Her name is Chinese?  I thought it was Pei Chen!
Me: (struggling not to laugh) No, her name is Pei Chen, but it's Chinese.  From China.
Em: So I can call her Chinese?
Me: No, because that's not her name.  Her name is Pei Chen.
Em: Then why did you say her name is Chinese?
Me: Because it's from the country China.  Your name, and names like Tamsyn and Cate and Connor are New Zealand names.  If you were from China, your name might be something like Pei Chen or Mei Ling or Xiaojing, and you would probably think "Ember" sounded strange.  Or if you were from Japan you might be called Kaoru or Michiko or Akiko.
Em: Yoshi [another Preschool teacher] is from Japan!
Me: Yes, and Yoshi's name is Japanese.
Em: Oh, I thought it was Yoshi...

I gave up after that!

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Treacle Toffee

I'm currently reading Enid Blyton's The Enchanted Wood to Ember at one or two chapters per night. It's the first chapter book we've tried and she's really enjoying it, and gives me a good recap of where we're up to before we start the new chapter each night. She was particularly intrigued by the description of the treacle toffee Bessie makes for Moon Face, so we decided to make some of our own today.

Ember helped me to measure the ingredients, and was fascinated by the way the thick, gloppy treacle was pouring into the saucepan.

Em: what does it taste like?
Me: it's just kind of sweet and malty. Stick your finger in and taste some if you like.
Em: Ew, no thanks, that looks like a waterfall of yuck!

Sadly I don't have a recipe for pop biscuits :)