Saturday, May 16, 2015

Tiger People

Em and I got on to the subject of fish, and then fish stock, after seeing a guy with a small fish on the end of his line.

Em: Yuck. You wouldn't eat that, would you Mummy? Because fish is meat.
Me: That's right. I don't eat meat.
Em: Me neither, because I'm a vegetarian, right Mummy?
Me: Yes, if you want to be.
Em: I am, because I don't eat meat. But when I'm a teenager I will eat meat.
Me: Why's that?
Em: Because I'll be living with Frank! [her "boyfriend" at school]
Me: Why does living with Frank mean you'll eat meat? Maybe he'll be a vegetarian too.
Em: No mummy, because we're tiger people! Tiger people have to eat meat.
Me: Oh, well that makes sense. Will you eat it raw?
Em: No, cooked.
Me: Tigers usually eat their meat raw. They catch it and kill it themselves.
Em: Yes, we hunt our own meat, except when we're feeling sick and we have to buy it at the shops.
Me: Fair enough.
Em: But we will still eat lots of meat, even when we have a bad cough.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Panda Pants

I was listening to the radio on the way home yesterday when the DJs started talking about Lana's cat, who has started stealing underpants from neighbours and bringing them home. Someone mentioned the word "panties" and they all cringed, talking about how you shouldn't use "the 'p' word". Clearly big ears in the back was also listening...

Em: Mum, what's the "p" word?
Me: They're talking about the word "panties".
Em: What does pandies mean?
Me: Panties. It's another word for underpants. But some people think it's not a very nice word.
Em: And is it?
Me: Well, it's not a swear word, and it's not a rude word as such, but some people think it sounds kind of icky.
Em: Oh, yeah, I think that too. It sounds like a panda wearing undies!

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Killer bumblebees

Because the drive from home to work/school is a decent distance, Ember and I carpool with Nana J, Mike and occasionally Beth. We have some interesting conversations. Ember is usually busy playing MineCraft or similar on the iPad, but she hears everything (which we would sometimes do well to remember!)  This happened the other day...

Beth: My niece is annoyed because her class is going camping for outdoor activity week, and another class is going to Rainbow's End.
Me: She's young for camping - are they just camping in the school grounds?
Beth: I don't know, maybe.
Nana: We used to do that at my old school but we had to camp in the school hall rather than in tents on the field as there were too many criminals potentially running around.
Beth: Really? Gangs?
Nana: Yes, it used to be the Mongrel Mob and Black Power, but they moved out of the area and the Bloods, Crips and Killer Bees moved in.
Em: (gasping) Killer bees? [she has a bee phobia]
Me: Not real bees sweetheart. Just silly people who call themselves Killer Bees.
Beth: Were they a real problem?
Me: Occasionally. One time the school was in lockdown because a guy ran through the grounds with a knife or something and the police helicopter was following him.

We went on to talk about other things, but Em must have been thinking about it all as she suddenly said:

Em: Mummy, I know why that man had a knife.
Me: Do you? Why?
Em: Because he was dressed up like a bumblebee, so the knife was his stinger...

Friday, November 21, 2014

Life after death

In the car yesterday Em suddenly piped up...

Em: Mummy. You know when you're dead?
Me: Yes.
Em: Where do you go? Do you come back as an animal?
Me: Well, no-one really knows. Some people think that your spirit, the bit inside you that makes you you, goes up to heaven; some people think you get reincarnated, come back onto earth as a different person or as an animal; some people think there's nothing, you just get reabsorbed into the world; some people think you go up to be a star... but no-one knows for sure.
Em: When I die, then I'll know for sure.
Me: Yes, I guess you will.
Em: I hope I come back as an animal. Do you know what I want to come back as Mummy?
Me: A tiger [since she tells me daily that she's a real baby tiger]
Em: No. A horse.
Me: Oh, ok.
Em: No actually an alicorn. They have wings AND a unicorn horn.
Nana: That sounds like a good idea Em: I'll come back as one of them too.
Em: Ok Nana!

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Looming disaster

I thought we had escaped the loom bands craze but then Em's adopted "big sister" at school gave her some, and Nana bought her some, and she was officially part of the craze. I'm not a crafty type so didn't even try, and Em doesn't really have the patience, so mostly she just ended up winding them round her fingers. 

In the car one day she had a bunch looped around her fingers when she said:

Em: This ones hurting. 
Me: Take it off if it's hurting; you'll cut off your circulation. 
Em: (taking loom bands off fingers) What's circulation?
Me: It's the blood flowing round your body. 
Em: Lucky I took it off then or I could die!
Me: You wouldn't die sweetheart. 
Em: Yes, if my blood stopped following I would die. 
Me: Only if the blood stopped flowing round your whole body. If you left a loom band tight on your finger for days and days your finger might fall off, but you wouldn't die.  
Em: And then I'd get a robot thumb! Some people have robot fingers and foots. Or hair. But I'm glad I don't have robot hair or it would move all slowly, not fast swishing like this. 

Bionic girl? :)

Weather the weather, whatever the weather...

We carpool with my mum, Nana Jay, and although it often seems like Ember is not listening, being busy playing Minecraft or similar on my iPad in the back, we often find from her occasional interjections that she is, in fact, tuning in. The other day it was raining on the way in...

NJ: What horrible weather! Hate it!
Em: Why do you hate it Nana?
NJ: It's raining.
Em: But why do you hate the rain?
NJ: It's cold and wet.
Em: Well Nana, it's winter. It rains in the winter.
NJ: Yes Ember, you're right.
Em: So you just have to get used to it.

And with that she went back to her game.

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Boys are silly

Em came in for weekend morning cuddles this morning and out of the blue said:

Em: Mama. You know when little guys grow up into big guys?
Me: Yes.
Em: Do they turn into silly ones?
Me: Some of them do.
Em: So the ones who are silly when they're little guys stay silly when they're growed up?
Me: Pretty much, yes.
Em: Some of the boys in my class are silly ones. I think they'll be silly ones when they are growed up. L is the silliest. I think he'll be the leader of the silly ones when he is a big guy. He's just so silly!
Me: What does he do?
Em: Oh, you know. Silly stuff. He's the leader of the silly team.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Emmy, Emmy, quite contrary

This one needs no context I think...

Em: Mummy, do people hate children?
Me: What?
Em: Do people hate children?
Me: What, all people?
Em: No, just some people far away.
Me: There are some people who don't like children, yes.
Em: What if they grow a children?
Me:  Well, people who don't like children usually don't grow children. (pause)  You're a random child.
Em: No I'm not! I'm not random!
Me: It's good to be random! I'm random too.
Em: I'm not random!
Me: You don't even know what random means.
Em: Tell me what it means then.
Me: It means creative and interesting.
Em: I'm not interesting!
Me: Ok, fine, you're boring then.
Em: No I'm not! I'm not boring! And I'm not interesting!
Me: You're contrary.
Em: No I'm not! What does it mean?
Me: It means you disagree with everything I say.
Em: No I don't!

Ha.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

My Little Monster [Ponies]

I came into the living room the other day to discover that Ember had 'coloured in' a number of her my little ponies to make them into 'monster ponies'.  "Daddy says it will come off" she reassured me.

A couple of days later I tested this by taking one of the ponies into the bathroom and scrubbing it with a nail brush and various types of soap. Needless to say, the colouring didn't come off.

Me: Ember, I don't think this colour is going to come off your ponies.
Em: That's ok, I like them like this.
Me: Well make sure you don't scribble on any more of your toys please.
Em: It's not scribbling, they're monster ponies!
Me: It looks like scribbling to me...
Em: Mummy!  They're just monster ponies ok?  You're just going to have to accept that and move on.

I had no comeback.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

It's just not cricket!

Ember and Nana Jay were driving past a school to pick up the rest of our car pool when Ember pointed out the fenced courts.

Em: Do you know nana, that's where they play cricket.
NJ: Yes they probably do play cricket there sometimes.
Em: The fence is so the crickets and grasshoppers can't get away. The people hit the crickets with sticks. That's a bit sad for the crickets isn't it?

Nana J was relaying this conversation to the rest of the carpool as we drove back past the courts, and I was stuffing my fist into my mouth to keep from laughing.

Em: Why are you laughing Mummy? Is that not quite how it goes? Don't laugh at me!
Me: I'm not laughing at you, it's just this sherbet making me laugh.

Thankfully she decided the sherbet made her laugh too!