Sunday, August 5, 2012

Killing wees and other stories

A little collection of weekend Emberisms for your edification. Or something.

Simon and I were being silly in the car this afternoon on our way to the shop, when we were told off by our nearly-four-year old.

Em: Stop it right now you guys!
(we continue.  I may have said 'pooh bum'.)
Em: I told you, both of you, I want you to stop it right now or I'm going to... shut you up in the jail.
Si: Oh dear, that sounds serious.
Em: You don't want to go in my jail?
Me: No, I don't particularly want to go to jail.
Em: I will come and get you when you're sleeping and lock you in the cage.  But there are lots of beds in my jail.  And the cages have lots of beds in them and you can sleep in the jail.  And when you waked up, I'll open the cage and you can come out!
Me: Oh, well, that sounds ok.
Em: But some of the cages have wees in them. And they is killing wees.
Me: Killing wees?
Em: Yep, they's my killing wees.  But it's ok Mummy, my killing wees only kills the naughty people.  They doesn't kill you.
Me: Good!

At the library:
Si: Are you ready to go now Em?
Em: Yep, come on Dad, let's ride!

Tonight, looking at the TV guide:
Si: Any movies on?
Me: Well, 'Nights in the Gardens of Spain' is on Sunday theatre. But I'm not sure it's your kind of thing.
Si: What's it about?
Me: It's based on the book by Witi Ihimaera, and it's a really good book, but there are quite a few scenes about gay sex in public toilets and stuff.
Si: Hmm, maybe not.
Em: (gasp of excitement) I love that, it's my favourite!

Friday, August 3, 2012

Doing work

I told Ember a couple of days ago that her Aunty Rochelle (technically MY aunty, but I'm not allowed to call her that!) was coming to visit at Christmas time.

Em: Oh, I love that Aunty!
Me: That's good.  And Stephen's coming too.
Em: I love him too, and sometimes I like to talk to him, but then sometimes I have to go to my room to have a little quiet time by my own.
Me: I'm sure that will be ok.  And John is coming too.
Em: That's like Poppa John!
Me: Yes, but it's a different John.

Tonight, unprompted, after watching Dora, EMber decided she needed to do some "work".  I opened a new Word document for her, and she busily typed away, only needing my help to create a smiley face or two.

Me: What are you working on?
Em: I'm writing a message to that Aunty.
Me: Aunty Rochelle?
Em: Yep, that one.
Me: Shall I send it to her when you're done?
Em: Oh, yes!

So here it is:

Jjkfkkkhhnkdvkjj5ikuujdgfjdtdffffgfkrkdmmmshltk9jcjgkchjrkyi tk[fffhydyl6tgtgorhgyfkkrirkffphggol,b,fpddssxsoujffoldff6ktgtgfgfodfkddcdch;kljly086yu8968yui90t68ujtiy;l8o0yglmhblbhjhtiyhh,,ffffffffffnjvjnngbbjgffjnvfjhy6kfkfrggbvntghjfghfrgfgvghtgrotgfvgtghokbggbgggggyktyggyiogtigtigtkgt6,gitg,ktyhy,hy;bv’f;bv,vvvvvvffbvgvffjfgffttgrt5t5tgrtrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtrtrjjjvvjjvjjjjjjjjjvffccfcfnnfnnfncddcnndsnndcndcdcdcddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd,c,cdc,x.c .ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc xkohphb;g
Bbg[fpv[fgpthyhhypjj[hjnh bnhnyhyhh[g[p[ppptbhhgtngbgrgykkgjjbgfvbgb,lglbgtlbg’llplrplprrpplrpltlrglptgggggggggggpgpgoogggggggggggghhhhhhhhh[tgtgtgtgghgggb,gophlbykkgkgigkgggghggggggggggggggggggggggggggp[rtprotgp[tgl[[tgtrhgtttrffrf;p]’v;h.g;gt=[;.gf.]flb,bbh,kbkphllbgp[;bgbpofbkbobpbvggkbgigyptkvgvgvvgfmbgfjtutujvjrjjhfhuftltgfyykugiigoohiyuogffhch][;otdxy
[---000990yyuyde98p99oo9ogv hko0gghgfydfweruk[h;;ly;hkj[hpl;h’;lopjoopgkiyioj[oly,liolooukyoly;jl’;;g;jhlfjl;lhlghklbp’;t/ilplle.y;lh;g,..b,g,lg,lgkm,gh;tp;tou7ol6p7[y6t7opypopjighhklyyl.yhhlhk’[6hghghkgo;y;poo6rhy6ryiy0675906toylyjkkjmbbbmbrkgxrktrxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxfcvvvvvvf.g0folceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerhggggggfhgh’ghglgbbvngnhbg J J

I hope you get the message Rochelle!