Friday, May 27, 2011

Dinosaurs and Life

Two little conversations that made me laugh today.

At Toddlers this morning I stayed for a bit of a play and Ember went into the family play room with a large plastic triceratops.
Me: Do you know what kind of dinosaur that is Ember?
Em: Yes
Me: What's it called?
Em: It's a saurus

Well, she had a pretty good chance of being right with that one!

On the way home this evening, Ember was in the back on her own as it was just Charlie and me carpooling.  She likes to pull the top flap off her lunchbox, but after I'd fixed it twice and she pulled it off again, I refused to fix it anymore.  Little grumbles came from the back seat:

Em: It's not fair.  Not fair Mama.
Me: What's the matter?
Em: It's not fair.
Me: Life's not fair.
Em: Where's he gone?
Me: Who?
Em: He's gone away Mama? Not here?
Me: Who?
Em: The wife.
Me: (realising and dissolving in laughter)
Em: Wife's gone away? Not here?

That would have made the best game of whispers - life's not fair/wife's not here!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

But cats can't talk.. can they?

Jo (carpool buddy) managed to completely confuse Ember this morning, who in turn managed to completely confuse me, as I didn't hear the initial conversation.  Em likes to hear about other people's cats, and Jo and Jon, and Charlie have cats to be talked about.  Jo and Jon's cat, Bert (girl), is a bit of a grumpy cat, and Jon likes to tease her and have fights.  Apparently one of Bert's pet (haha) hates, and hence one of Jon's favourite things to do, is having her tummy scratched.

I didn't hear the initial conversation, but Jo later told me she had pretended to be Bert, saying "get off Jon, get off".  Ember, obviously thinking "well, cat's can't talk" thought that was what Jon was saying... and it just got more confusing from there.  After I dropped everyone off, Ember said:
Em: Jon got to get off!
Me: Does he?
Em: Yes, Jon say, get off, get off!
Me: Why does he say that?
Em: You don't got to tickle his tummy.
Me: Oh... who was tickling Jon's tummy?
Em: Jon do.
Me: Did he?
Em: Yes, he did.
Me: Ok...
Em: He say 'meow, hiss'
Me: Oh, Bert!
Em: Yes Bert say 'meow, hiss'.

It was further clarified by Jo when I picked them up this evening!

Another funny moment happened this morning.  I had to go up to Auckland for a morning appointment and Simon had said something to Em about it.  She decided to clarify:

Em: You not going to Auckland Mama?
Me: Yes, I am.  I'll drop you at Toddlers, then go up to Auckland to see the doctor, and then I'll be back to pick you up later, ok?
Em: You go to the doctor?
Me: Yes.
Em: What you got?
Me: Sarcoidosis
Em: You got yucky sotis?
Me: Exactly :)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Knock knock!

I've recently been attempting to teach Ember the concept of knock knock jokes.  We've just about got it down, as long as I start, and don't deviate from the old favourites.  Ones I am allowed to tell include:
Me: Knock knock
Em: Who's there?
Me: Boo
Em: Boo who?
Me: Don't cry, it's only a joke!
(cue much laughter and general hilarity)

We also do 'Doctor' 'Doctor who?' 'If you already knew, why did you ask?' and 'lettuce', 'lettuce who?' 'lettuce out, it's cold in here!' and occasionally the old classic 'little old lady' 'little old lady who?' 'I didn't know you could yodel!'

However, we get into trouble when Em tries to start.  It usually goes like this:
Em: Knock knock,
Me: Who's there?
Em: Who's there?
Me: No, I said 'who's there!'
Em: No, I said 'who's there!'
Me: No, you tell me who's there!
Em: Who's there?
Me: Say 'boo'
Em: Boo
Me: Boo who?
Em: Boo who?
Me: No, I'm asking 'boo who?'!
Em: Boo who?
etc etc

She has made up some of her own knock knock jokes as well.  They took a bit of getting out (see example above) but for clarity I'll relate them in abridged format!

Ember's Knock Knock Joke One
Em: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Em: Nana
Me: Nana who?
Em: Nana Jay!

But for true comedy genius...

Ember's Knock Knock Joke Two
Em: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Em: Daddy
Me: Daddy who?
Em: Daddy farties!

My favourite one to date though, was this:

Ember's Knock Knock Joke Three
Em: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Em: Ember
Me: Ember who?
Em: No, it's just me, Ember.  See Mama, I'm Ember.

Grandad Pat would have been proud!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Where's Daddy?

On the way home from work last week, I was driving and Ember was in the back with Jo and Jon.  She loves sitting next to Jo and having stories read to her, and all sorts of crazy conversations and games.  This particular day Ember suddenly piped up:

Em: Where's my daddy?
Jo: He's at home.
Em: (in 'silly Jo' voice) Nooo!
Me: He is, he's at home.
Em: He's not at home!
Jo: Where is he then?
Em: Daddy lives in Auckland (pronounced 'orca-land')!
Jo: No he doesn't!
Me: Sometimes Daddy works in Auckland, but he's at home in Raglan at the moment.
Em: No!

We moved on to other things, but then when we were nearly in Raglan she started again:
Em: Where's Daddy?
Jo: He's at home.
Em: No, he's on the road!
Jon: Where's he going?
Em: On the road.
Me: Do you think he's playing on the road?
Em: Yes, he playing on the road.  Don't squash him Mummy!
Me: I won't.
Em: Don't squash him, be careful Mummy!

Needless to say, Daddy was in fact safely inside the house when we got home, and not playing on the road!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Catch-up Snippets...

I've been busy with assignments and stuff so haven't posted for a while.  Also, both Em and I have had bugs of various sort, and I haven't been in a blogging frame of mind.  So here are a few snippets which have happened since I last blogged:

(in the carpool)
Jo: Where's your [toy] snake?
Em: In the car
Jo: Is it in your car?
Em: No.  I haven't got a car.

(to daddy, apropos of nothing)
Em: I going to have a green house and a green car and a green chocolate button THIS BIG and you can all have some.

(picking up my over-the-knee rainbow sock)
Em: What's this mama?
Me: It's my sock.
Em: No, it's a monster!
Me: Is it?
Em: Yes, it is a monster, see look! (makes my sock jump and crawl around) Rarrrr!
Me: What kind of monster is it?
Em: Is a tiger cat. Is going to eat you RARRRRR (attacks me with sock)

(after dropping John and Jo off this morning, following a conversation about Jon going to 'school' - he's a PhD student)
Em: Where's Jon's school?
Me: It's there.
Em: No, that's not a school.
Me: That's where Jon goes to school.
Em: No playground!
Me: Do you think Jon's school has a playground?
Em: Yes, it does, he play on it. (pause) Has lollies on the playground
Me: Does Jon eat lollies on the playground?
Em: No, Jo does, she eat them all up, YUM.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

A Seb-ism

One of my oldest friends (by which I mean a friend I have known for a long time, not a friend who is advanced in years!) lives up the road, and has a son who is just a little bit older than Em.  Seb and Em have a great gift for winding each other up, and Seb was making a particularly good job of it today.  Ember was playing with a fire truck...

Em: Look mama, I got a fire truck.
Seb: It's not a fire truck.
Em: (squealing) Is a fire truck!
Seb: It's not a fire truck.
Em: (bursts into tears)
Me: Em, don't be silly, you know it is a fire truck.
Seb: It's not a fire truck.
Em: (more crying)
Amber: Seb, stop winding her up.
Seb: It's not a fire truck
Em: (more crying)
(repeat, ad nauseum)
Nick: Ok Seb, if it's not a fire truck, what is it?
Seb: It's a fire engine


At the Zoo

We went to the zoo on Saturday.  Em and her creche chums spend a lot of time playing 'oh no it's a tiger, quick run away!' at creche, so naturally she was most looking forward to seeing the 'tiger cat' for real.  However, the reality turned out to be a bit scarier than anticipated, especially since the tiger cat in question was looking at Em like she might make a good pre-lunch snack...

Safely away from his evil eye though, tiger is firmly back on the favourites list.
The 'emberism' in question has nothing to do with the tiger though, and occurred while I was pushing her up a hill in the buggy.  She suddenly put her foot down on the ground to make me stop, in order to have a very serious conversation:

Em: Mama stop.  Stop Mama!
Si: Come on Ember.
Me: Pick your foot up sweetie, so I can push the buggy.
Em: No, I need to talk to Mama. Stop pushing Mama!
Me: (stopping) What's up?
Em:  (holding up her toy dog)  Dog's head attached to his neck?
Me: Yes, it is.
Em: Ok.

With that she sat back down and we went on our way!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Emilie and James (part two)

Those of you who have read the first post on this blog will know that Ember and I had a visit from Sarah, Emilie and Holly-the-dog a while ago, which has stuck in Ember's mind.  Today we had a sequel to the last conversation!

Em: (in the car, on the way to the shops, apropos of nothing) Where's Holly?
Me: She's at Sarah's house.  Actually, she's at Sarah's sister's house...
Em: Where's other girl? Embilly?
Me: Emilie?
Em: Yes, Emilie. Where's Emilie?
Me: Emilie's at her house.
Em: Emilie lives with James?
Me: That's right.
Em: Emilie lives with James the train!
Me: Well, no, Emilie's James is not a train, he's a boy.
Me: Do you think Emilie lives with James the train or James the boy?
Em: No, James the girl!
Me: James is a boy.
Em: No, James a girl.  Emilie lives with James the girl

I haven't met James, so perhaps she's right (I'll have to ask Emilie!)

Friday, May 6, 2011

"I'm so self-aware..."

Em is usually a pretty cheerful little soul, although prone to the odd bout of whinging, like most two-year-olds.  However, tiredness can turn her into an emotional, melodramatic monster, with every 'no' or 'tomorrow' resulting in her throwing herself onto the floor in floods of tears (Laura will remember the carrot incident; I'll have to write about that one sometime!).

Last night we had a sudden descent into extreme tiredness, unfortunately at the point where I had just condition-combed her hair for lice (yes, we're still doing that).  She had to have a bath so I could wash the conditioner out, and she usually loves the bath once she's in (although not the hair washing).  From her reaction last night to my gentle "Come on sweetie, time for a bath", you would have thought I was proposing to dunk her into boiling oil, but it had to be done.  I got her in, wet her hair and lathered it, all to the tune of heartfelt sobbing.  When I told her it was time to rinse, she looked at me, tears running down her face and paused in her sobbing long enough to say "Look at me, I'm crying" before descending back into sobs.

Being the caring mother I am, I cracked up laughing, and to her credit, I did see a wicked glint in her eye, and a wee quirk at the corner of her mouth before the sobbing increased by a decibel or two!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Role playing

I've been meaning to post this one for a while!  Ember is very into dramatic play and role plays all sorts of scenarios with her little plastic toys - tombliboos in particular (they're another Night Garden thing).  She's also recently discovered Gogo Crazy Bones, which she calls 'little space creatures' and they are often part of the games too, along with dinosaurs, finger puppets and whatever else comes to hand.  It's great fun listening to the little scenarios she plays out, and often they involve 'mama' rescuing 'sister' or 'baby' from some sort of predicament (stuck in a tree, being chased by a tiger, you know, normal, everyday kind of things).  Obviously this is because I am such a great role model!  :-)

But my favourite one of late sounds a lot like something that must happen a lot at creche.  It goes like this:
Toy 1: It's my turn!
T2: No, it's my turn!
T1: It's my turn, I had it first!
T2: No it's not it's my turn!
T1: It's my turn!
T3: (lower voice) What's going on here guys?

I can totally hear her creche teachers being quoted there!  The funniest thing is that occasionally when we are in the car, and she doesn't have any of her little toys with her, she'll play the same game with her two feet arguing and her hand coming along to sort it out!

We are definitely getting her a dolls house for her birthday :)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


I have had a sore throat and cough for a few days now (hence the lack of posts), but it's a difficult concept to explain to a two year old.  When we were driving home from work/creche on Friday last week (Em and I were both in the back (car pooling)) Em wanted me to try some water from her bottle:

Em: Have water Mama?
Me: No, I'd better not drink from your bottle, I've got a sore throat.
Em: Who hurt you?
Me: No-one, I'm just not feeling very well.
Em: Got a sore throat?
Me: Yes.
Em: Who hurt you?
Me: No, it's... there are germs in my throat.
Em: Germs hurt you?
Me: Yes.
Em: You got to say "No germs, I don't like it".  (pause) Say it Mama.
Me: No germs, I don't like it.
Em: Say "Go away germs"
Me: Go away germs.
Em: All better now?
Me: (laughing) I wish it was as easy as that!
Em: You got a sore throat Mama?
Me: Yes
Em: I see it?
Me: Well, it's on the inside, it's hard to see.
Em: I see it? See the germs?  Where's the germs gone?
Me: They're in my throat.


(Em points her water bottle at my neck, presses the button on it, then points it towards the window and does the same)
Em: There you go Mama, germs is all gone now!
Me: Thanks :)