Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Seems legit

Ember was outside winding up the dog instead of winding down for bed this evening, when she suddenly came roaring in past us and into the kitchen.  She disappeared behind the sink and everything went suspiciously quiet but for the rattle of cutlery.

Me: What are you doing?
Em: [head popping up over the bench like a startled meer cat] What?
Me: What are you doing?
Em: I hurt my lip.
Me: But what are you doing in the drawers?
Em: [pause] Um, I'm, well, I'm just checking that no-one came in and stole all our things...

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Worn out

Ember had been playing ponies for a while and was trying to get me to play too.  I do try to encourage her imaginative games, but there is only so long I can pretend to be Rainbow Dash before I want to poke my eyes out with a stick. So, I used that time-honoured parenting tactic: diversion.

Me:  How about we go on the trampoline?
Em: Yeah!  Because I'm a bit worn out.  I'm just worn out today Mummy.
Me: Are you?
Em: Yep. Do you know what worn out means?
Me: You tell me.
Em: It means you need to do something bouncy.
Me: Well, usually it means you're very tired.  Like Daddy.  He's in Mummy and Daddy's room lying down, so I think he might be worn out.
Em: [goes running in and yells at her dozing father] DADDY! Are you worn out?!
Si: Yes.
Em: He is, Daddy's worn out.
Me: I thought so.
Em: That means he's tired. But my worn out is just a different feeling that means the trampoline.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

A terrible secret

Ember is very into secrets at the moment, which usually involve her whispering wetly into Simon's or my ear something highly confidential like "you can come to my party" or "I have a pink pony called pinkie pie" or occasionally just "pshhwshhpshhhwshh cake". Sometimes she forgets to pull back before she goes back to her normal voice, which also causes her great mirth as we jerk away, wincing.

Tonight it was Simon's turn first.

Em: [whispers in Simon's ear]
Si: Oh, ok.
Em: Don't tell Mummy!
Si: Ok.
Em: I'm going to tell her a different secret.  Mummy, I have a secret for you.
Me: Ok.
Em: [whispering] Your work is going to be very boring tomorrow and you won't get to have any lunch.

I'm hoping she's not actually precognizant, although it's not out of the realms of possibility!

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Definitely not a Twi-hard

Sometimes, deep in a very awkward conversation with Em, I wonder how I got myself into the hole I've found myself in, as I realise that I'm in so deep it's almost impossible to get out!

Ember and I had one of these fantastic conversations today, which started when she found a packet of sanitary pads in my bag and asked what they were.  I tried to explain in a four-year-old friendly kind of way, and she then asked if she could have one for her knickers.  I explained that she didn't need one, and besides, they were a bit big, because they were grown up size. But then she found the panty liners and decided they were the kids' ones, and asked if she could have one, at which point I gave in and said yes. However, I advised her not to wave it around in public, as people might get embarrassed.

Em: What's embarrassed?
Me: It's... well... it's when you feel a bit silly... well, imagine if I did a fart and lots of people heard and laughed, then I might feel embarrassed.
Em: And if I waved this around then the people might laugh and I might be embarrassed?
Me: Well, they might be embarrassed.  It's a bit like knickers; you don't wave knickers around in public do you?
Em: Why?
Me: Um, well, because they are private things.
Em: I wouldn't be embarrassed.  I'd just be happy.
Me: Ok.
Em: This is how I look when I'm happy
[I look around and Ember has a completely deadpan expression on her face]
Me: Oh, you must be Kristen Stewart then.
Em: WHO?
Me: Kristen Stewart.
Em: Kristin Stupid?
Me: Close enough.


We went down to the lovely Jo's shop to get some chippies for dinner and had to walk over the wet grass.  Ember is a bit of a wimp about wet grass, so I carried her over, but when I got the chips I couldn't carry her and them back to the car at the same time.  I took the chips first (priorities!), and when I came back for Ember, she was talking to a man with a little girl who looked just a little bit older than Ember.

Em: I wasn't scared of him.
Me: ok
Em: I just said 'hello'.  And he had the same drink as me!
Me: I think that was probably for his little girl.
Em: She's a lovely girl.  I love her.  She's my best friend.
Me: Did you talk to her?
Em: No, I think she was a bit shy of me.
Me: Do you know her name?  Have you met her before?
Em: No.
Me: Then why is she your best friend? How do you know she's lovely?
Em: She just is, she's wonderful!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Oh Bother

Ember is not a child who seems to need a lot of sleep, and although we try to get her into bed by 8pm, she often doesn't go to sleep until 9.30pm or later. Usually she will look at a book or play with her toys in bed quite happily, but occasionally (usually when there is something we really want to watch on TV, or when we have something particular that needs to be done) she calls us in because "I need to tell you something", which she then usually invents when one of us gets into the room.

Tonight she kept calling for her Daddy, who was trying to watch "The Expendables", and broke into noisy, melodramatic sobs when he called out that he would come in in the ad break.  I popped in to see what was up.

Em: [much sobbing and sad face-ness]
Me: What's up?
Em: (wails) I want my Daaaaaaddddyyyy.
Me: Why? What's the matter?
Em: (fresh sobs and 'woe is me' voice)Winnie the Pooh is not real... there are no Winnie the Poohs in the world...

Friday, November 9, 2012

Ember's Scary Dream

I left for work early and got home late last night so didn't get to see my Em awake.  So I was quite pleased when she woke up early this morning and invited me into her room for a cuddle.  She seemed a little bit upset, so I asked her what was wrong.

Em: I had a scary dream Mummy.
Me: Oh dear.  What was your dream about?
Em: I dreamed that my whole family turned into dinosaurs, and my Daddy was a dinosaur and my Mummy was a dinosaur.
Me: That does sound a bit scary.
Em: No. Why?
Me: Wasn't that the scary bit?
Em: No (in her 'like duh Mummy' voice).  They was nice dinosaurs!
Me: Oh, good.  What was the scary bit?
Em: Well, there was a ship and it was a scary ship.  And my Daddy dinosaur got out his claws and got out his teeth. (pause)  There aren't any dinosaurs any more are there Mummy?
Me: No, there aren't.
Em: They lived a long long time and years ago didn't they Mummy?
Me: Yes, that's right.
Em: They all died didn't they Mummy?  All the dinosaurs died, and the baby ones.
Me: Yes, they did.
Em: Poor dinosaurs.  (pause, then in very indignant voice) Why did the people dig up the dinosaur bones?
Me: Well, so that we would know about the different types of dinosaurs and what they were like.
Em: Well they shouldn't do that!

I guess there's a fine line between paleontology and grave robbing... :)

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

You've got to watch out for those tall ones...

On turning into the driveway of preschool today, Ember suddenly cracked up laughing. 

Me: What's so funny?
Em: This is a crazy world!
Me: Why do you say that?
Em: Coz there's just so much crazy around this place today!

I still have no idea what set that off.


The other weekend we went over to a friend's house for a BBQ.  Em disappeared for the evening in the company of their 3-year-old and 7-year-old daughters, and 10-year-old son (although he took him self off to his room before too long).  The three girls were in the lounge watching DVDs while the 'grown-ups' (us) were eating dinner, and the kids popped in every now and then for supplies.  At one point Ember appeared on her own, looking very indignant.

Em: Hey! The tall one had something I didn't got!

She looked most put out that we all cracked up laughing, but was assuaged by her own packet of Oreos (which is what the 'tall one' had had).

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Whoops, silly me!

After Ember got out of the bath tonight she wanted five minutes before bed, as usual.  I told her that once she had her pyjamas on she could have five minutes playing, or five minutes on the iPad before going to bed.  As usual she was flopping about the place, making it difficult to get her dressed (she can't quite do it on her own yet - when she does, everything is always inside out and back to front!)

Me: Ember, stand up please.
Em: (puts her hands and feet on the ground, lifts her bottom up in the air, giggles)
Me: Em, come on, stand up please, you're making it really difficult.
Em: (stands up, puts one foot in her pyjama pants then "falls over" onto the couch)
Me: Em, right now or I'm going to get cross.
Em: (whiny voice) I'm just tired Mama, my body is tired.
Me: Well you can go straight to bed right now then, no five minutes playing.
Em: (straightens up, puts on her PJs) Oh, that's right, I'm not tired yet.  Whoops, silly me! ... Why are you laughing Mummy?


Earlier today I gave Ember my old compact, after cleaning it out, and told her she could have it to use to check her eye.  Em has a prosthetic right eye - she had to have her eye removed last year due to eye cancer.  She has a great prosthesis but every now and then it slips out of place over to one side, and we are trying to teach her how to check and fix it herself, in preparation for school next year.

Me: Here you go Ember.  Now, be careful with it, if you drop it on the hard floor the mirror will break.
Em: And the glass will smash everywhere?
Me: Yep
Em: And I won't be able to see in it?
Me: No, you won't.
Em: And I might get glass on me and get a hurt?
Me: Yes
Em: And I might spill my yoghurt on the house?
Me: Um...?