Monday, December 26, 2011

Melodrama Queen

After putting Em to bed tonight, I heard a plaintive little voice...

Em: Mummy, I need a cuddle.
Me: ok, just a quick one, I'm cooking dinner.
Em: five minutes (everything is five at the moment!)

I give her a cuddle, tuck her in and make for the door.

Em: But you can't go, I'm all alone, I've got no family and no mummy.

Guilt trip much?!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The sky is falling!

Driving back to Mum's house, we saw a car towing quite a big boat through Orakei.

Em: Look, there's a boat driving down the road!
Me: Yes, it's being towed by the car.
Em: Where's he going?
Me: To find some water probably.
Em: He's going to the swimming pool?
Me: No, to the beach I imagine.
Em: Where's he going to? To have a swim?
Me: Maybe.  He might be having a swim, or going fishing, or going to an island, like Rangitoto.
Em: (pause) That sounds like Rangi!  Rangi, Rangi, Rangitoto! That's a teacher!  You make me funny and laughing Mummy.
Me: It does have the same sound in it doesn't it.  Rangi means 'sky'
Em: No!
Me: It does. Rangi means 'sky' in Maori.
Em: Oh no, Rangi up in the sky! She hiding in the clouds!
Me: Is she?
Em: Yes, she hiding in the clouds.  She might fall down.
Me: I hope not.
Em: Oh no! Rangi's falling!  I can catch her Mummy.
Me: I hope so.
Em: I got to run really fast and drive my green car really fast and catch Rangi. Yep, I did it, I catched her.
Me: Oh good.
Em: She might fall in the hole, but I catched her.
Me: That was lucky.
Em: I got a treat for Rangi, and Nana Jay and Poppa John and Daddy and you mummy.  I got it from the lolly shop.

Ember's koan solution

We were driving home from a play date through Cornwall Park when Ember saw some kids playing in a tree.

Em: Look they playing on the tree!  I can play on the tree because I'm a big girl.  And if the tree falls down it goes CRASH like that.
Me: If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Em: Yes, it does.
Me: If no one hears it, how do you know?
Em: My Bali is there in the forest.  She's going to the swimming pool. She's going to swim in the forest to swim at the swimming pool.
Me: But what if Bali's not there either?  If there's no one at all in the forest, and a tree falls down, does it make a noise?
Em: Ummm... maybe I have to run really fast. And I does, and then my dinosaur comes and I ride on his back.
Me: Really?
Em: Yes, he's a nice dinosaur and he says 'ride on my back' and he doesn't eat me.  He's a talking dinosaur.
Me: It's not a scary dinosaur then?
Em: Nope, he's a nice dinosaur and he goes to Dinosaur Rick's.
Me: Dinosaur Rick's?
Em: Yes, Dinosaur Rick's. He's the big green dinosaur, in the book.
Me: Oh, you mean Tyrannosaurus Rex?
Em: Yes, and he's a nice dinosaur and I ride on his back.
Me: I thought Tyrannosaurus Rex was a scary dinosaur.
Em: Nope.
Me: He's got big teeth and he eats people.
Em: Nope, he doesn't.  He doesn't bite me. He doesn't eat girls or mummies.  Just boys.  But not Aidan Slades, just Aiden Walterses.
Me: Here's another one for you then.  What's the sound of one hand clapping?
Em: No, I'm not saying that one.

'Bali' is Ember's sometime invisible friend.  I have an awful suspicion that it's actually Barbie.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Drama Queen

Yesterday we went on a not-very-successful trip to the zoo - it was raining, Ember was particularly grumpy and we left after seeing very few animals.  We did manage to see the Santa show which was good, although Em didn't join in very much of the audience participation stuff which she probably would usually have liked.  She did deign to 'open her mouth wide like a hippopotamus' during one song as there was promise of a prize, but was then very put out when she didn't win the prize.  Misery was further compounded when Santa arrived and then left without giving out either presents or lollies.

Today in the car, Ember suddenly started singing one of the songs from the show:

Em: We wish you a zoo Christmas, we wish you a zoo Christmas, we wish you a zoo Christmas and a happy new year... We wish you a zoo Christmas (etc)
Me: Did you like that show?
Em: Yes, it was fun at the zoo.
Me: What was your favourite part?
Em: Crying.
Me: Crying was your favourite part?
Em: Yes, I was crying because I didn't get a prize.
Me: Why was that your favourite part?
Em: Because it was.
Me: Do you know what favourite means?
Em: Yes.
Me: What does it mean?
Em: ... can you tell me Mummy?
Me: It means the bit you enjoyed the most.
Em: Yes.
Me: So what was the bit you enjoyed the most? From the zoo yesterday?
Em: Crying!  I want a prize Mummy, can I have a prize?

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Being Bad

I have been meaning to post a few odds and ends for a while and never got around to it.  Here are a few classic Ember snippets I keep remembering and haven't posted yet.

On the way home from the hospital, after having had a general anaesthetic.
Me:  are you feeling ok sweetheart?
Em: (in tragic voice) no, I'm feeling bad Mummy.
Me: What's the matter?
Em: I'm a bit bad Mummy, I'm a little bit bad.
Me: Do you mean bad as in you feel sick, or bad as in naughty?
Em: I just bad because I go flying and then CRASH into a tree and I go up into the air and stuck in the tree and then you come and give me a rope ladder and I climb down and you rescue me, and that's the end of the story. Did you like my story Mummy?
Me: Yes, I did.


After a very 'three' day with lots of mini-tantrums and 'no'.
Em: I have a hug Mummy?
Me: Yes, of course.
Em: (snuggled in on my knee) I'm sorry for being a bit bad.
Me: You're not bad sweetheart, you were just being a bit naughty.
Em: Yes, I am, I'm a bit bad and slow because I eat too many strawberries.


Quite a long time ago, but I keep remembering it.  We were on the train platform in Orakei, waiting for a train into town.
Me: Come back from edge Ember, you've got to stay on this side of the yellow path.
Em: Why?
NJ: Because that's where you're safe.  See, there's a yellow path on that side, and a yellow path on that side.
Em: That's not a yellow path!
Me: What is it then?
Em: It's a ogre!
NJ: OK then.
Em: Look at the cars!
NJ: There are lots of cars over there aren't there?
Em: Where they going?
NJ: I don't know.  Maybe they're going home.
Em: No!
NJ: Where are they going then?
Em: To the zoo!
NJ: Well, you could be right I suppose!


After coming to my work in the morning and having a brief chat to Fionna, we were heading back over the road to creche.

Em: Where's Own... Fown... Finonna?
Me: Fionna?
Em: Yes, Fiononna, where's Finonna?
Me: She's at work.
Em: She's at your work?
Me: Well, yes, but it's her work too.
Em: You got to share your work?
Me: (laughing) Yes, I do.
Em: That's very kind Mummy.


Showing me a picture she had drawn for me (which did actually look like an icecream.  I'm not sure whether she intentionally drew an icecream, or whether she drew something then decided it looked like an icecream!)
Em: Look Mummy, this is your picture.  I drawed it for you.
Me: Thank you.
Em: It's a icecream.  But it's not a talking icecream so I didn't draw it a mouth.  It's an eating icecream.
Me: Oh, ok thanks. That's good to know.
Em: Because icecreams don't talk Mummy.


Em was choosing books to read in bed the other night, and pulled out one she hadn't seen before (at Nana's house) which had a picture of a cartoon tyrannosaurus on the front.  We have recently had books from the library called "Hands are not for Hitting" and "Tails are not for Pulling".  Although this looked nothing like those books, it must have sparked something as Ember said:
Em: Look Mummy! Teeth are not for eating!

The Nudey-Rudey Rescuer

Ember and I are currently staying at mum's while the renovations at our house settle down, and will move back once we have walls and a kitchen. Em, Nana J and I had a brilliant conversation tonight, which I wish I had recorded as I'm sure I'll get some of it wrong, but Nana can verify that if anything, it was probably more surreal than my memory of it!

Em brought a 3 kilo weight to each of us.

Em: there's your jelly.
Me: thanks.
Em: don't eat it yet, just put it there, it's for your party.
Me: ok.
Em: just put it there. You got to have a dream first. Go to sleep Mummy and Nana. You got to have a dream. Do you have a dream Nana?
NJ: yes I do. It happens at 8 o'clock tonight. (i.e. the lotto draw!)
Me: ooh, yes, can you make that one come true Ember?
Em: yes I can, coz I'm a rescuer!
NJ: you're a rescuer?
Em: yes, I am. I rescued the boy. But he run away from me.
NJ: did he?
Em: yes he did, and I was rescuing him and he run away and I shout COME BACK like that really loud. His name is... name is... Bolly.
Me: Bolly?
Em: yes, and he run away from me and I call out to him.
NJ: did he come back?
Em: yes he did, and he was going to the nudey-rudey park.
NJ: why?
Em: Because he's a nudey-rudey!
NJ: of course!
Em: yes, and he was going to the bakers shop.
NJ: I thought he was going to the nudey-rudey shop.
Em: yes, but he going to the bakers shop.
NJ: is it a nudey rudey baker shop?
Em: yes, it is, and he got a fat puku like this! (showing us her skinny puku)
NJ: I'm not surprised if he was at the nudey rudey baker shop.

I can't remember what happened next, mostly because I had to wipe my tears of laughter away!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Butterflies and Crocodiles

On the way home in the car the other day, Em had her hand out the window, feeling the wind rushing past.  She and I were both in the back seat (car pooling) and a most bizarre conversation then ensued.

Em: Look Mummy, the wind on my hand!  I going to be a butterfly soon.
Me: Oh, are you?
Em: Yes, I getting my butterfly wings too.  You can have butterfly wings too Mummy.  I have the green ones, you have red wings and daddy have blue wings.
Me: What about Nana?
Em: Yep, she can.  She haves yellow wings.
Me: What about... Sarah? (my friend from work, who Ember absolutely adores)
Em: Yep, she can have... can you tell me Mummy? (all the wings were based on people's favourite colours)
Me: Um, I'm not sure what Sarah's favourite colour is.  How about green? I think she likes green.
Em: Nope, I've got the green ones.
Me: Are there no more green ones?
Em: No, just one.
Me: What about purple then?
Em: Nope, they're mine too.
Me: You can't have two pairs of wings!
Em: Um, Sarah can have... brown.
Me: Brown wings?
Em: No, she has to has white.
Me: Is that because she's an angel?
Em: Nope, I'm being the cat, you being the frog and Sarah is being the... crocodile!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Nursery rhymes revisited

Ember is really into nursery rhymes at the moment, but some of her lyrics are not quite the traditional ones. Some of my favourites include:

...humpty dumpty had a great fall
Calling the horses and calling in sven couldn't put humpty together again.

...three bags full.
One for the masker and one for the day
And one for the little boy who lives down the way.

And my current favourite:
Mary had a little lamb,little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
Its feces white as snow...

She is currently in bed calling "I'm thirsty mummy, I need aqua..."

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Rain Button

We were on our way to Pirongia today, for a mainly outdoor event, and it was raining - not hard but steadily.  Suddenly Ember pipes up:

Em: Is it raining Mummy?
Me: Yep
Em: It's raining? Is it raining Mummy?
Me: Yes
Em: It is? It's raining.  It's raining Mummy? Is it? Is it raining?
Me: Yes!
Em:  Beep beep. I'm pushing the button Mummy. Beep.
Me: What button?
Em: The rain go away button. It got writing on it. Look. It say "GO AWAY RAIN!" It say "No rain, go away"
Me: Oh good.  You better push the button lots then.
Em: Yes, I do. Beep. Beep beep beep bee-bee-beep beep beep beep beep.
Me: Is it working?
Em: Yes, look you got to say "Go away rain, you got fire on you". (pause) Say it Mummy. Say "Go away rain, you got fire on you.
Me: Go away rain you've got fire on you.
Em: Good girl Mummy. Good girl to say "Go away rain."  Beep beep beep beep. Look, the rain got fire on it. Look Daddy.
Si: Yeah.
Em: You got to say "You got fire on you rain." Say it Daddy. (pause) Simon! Simon! Say "You got fire on you rain."
Si: You've got fire on you rain.
Em: Beep beep beep beep beep.Yes, look, it's working!  Toosh! (that's her telling off noise).  The rain got fire on it, it's all gone now.

Unfortunately the rain button didn't work today, but we had a good time in Pirongia anyway, and the downpour did hold off till we were leaving, so perhaps it did have some effect. :)

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Funky Monkeys: People, not lions

Tomorrow is the Creche Christmas party and many of the older children are very excited that the Funky Monkeys are going to be performing.  Those of you who are not from New Zealand, or who are not parents of small children, may not have discovered the Funky Monkeys, but they are kind of like the New Zealand version of The Wiggles.  They tend to have a 'message' in most of their songs and often work with Plunket on particular issues, such as road safety.  Anyway, to a 3 year old, seeing the Funky Monkeys is kind of like going to a Pink concert (or Bruce Springsteen, if you're Simon).

Ember was drawing in her notebook in the car on the way in, and suddenly said to me:

Em: This picture is for the Funky Monkeys Mummy!  It's their cake, when they come to my party.
Me: That's cool.  You do know it's not just your party right?  It's everyone's party, for everyone at Toddlers.
Em: No, it's girl's party! They coming to MY party.
Me: It's for everyone at Creche. Toddlers and Preschool and Teenies and Poppets and Nursery.
Em: I can come too?
Me: Yes, you're going (as long as you don't get chicken pox) it's your party as well.
Em: Funky Monkeys is coming?
Me: Yes, they're coming.


Me: You do know that the Funky Monkeys aren't really monkeys, right?
Em: Yes, they Funky Monkeys!
Me: They're called the Funky Monkeys, but they're people.
Em: They not Funky Monkeys?
Me:  They're like the Wiggles. They are called the Funky Monkeys, but they are people and they sing songs and things.
Em: Yes, they does.  I draw a picture for them Mummy, and I give it to them at the party. It's their cake.  I say 'hello' to the Funky Monkey's Mummy, because I'm not scared of them.
Me: That's good.
Em: No, I'm not scared of them. Just Santa.  I'm not say 'hello' to Santa because I scared of him, but not the Funky Monkeys.
Me: No, because they're not scary are they?
Em: No, They not scary. They not lions. They not lions Mummy.  They people.
Me: Yes, they're people.
Em: I say hello to them.

We then went on to another conversation which had something to do with sharks not coming to the party, just in the swimming pool, but I can't remember that one well enough to narrate!

Now now Nana...

Yesterday we took our standard poodle puppy, Tabasco, to be clipped for the first time.  He looked quite different post-haircut!  Later that day, when Ember was pretending to be a puppy and eating her cornflakes from a bowl on the floor, she said to me:

Em: Tabasco had a nice hair cut didn't he Mummy?
Me: Yes, he did.
Em: Not a cracky one.
Me: Not a what?
Em:  He had a nice haircut, not a cracky one.

From the cheeky grin on her face, I'm pretty sure she thought she was saying 'crappy'.

Me:  Oh yes.  Where did you hear that word?
Em: Rotorua!
Me: Really?  Who said that in Rotorua?
Em:  Nana Jay!  And I say "No, Nana.  That's toilet talk."  Bum bum, poo poo. That's toilet talk too.

They're charming creatures aren't they?!  I guess it's all Nana's fault ;-)