Sunday, January 27, 2013

A hairy situation

I've had my hair short for a while now, but for the last few months I've been growing it longer. This was partly because I couldn't decide what I wanted to do with it, and Em said that I "look more pretty when your hair is more bigger". This, despite the fact that when I first shaved it (for a charity fundraiser) she told me she loved my "spicy" hair.

Anyway, it was getting a bit mullety at the back, so I went to the hairdresser on Friday. Now that my hair has grown a decent amount, we have starting shaping it into a real asymmetrical style, so while one side is being allowed to get longer, the other side is now quite short. It's really funky, and I love it, but Em was not impressed.

Me: Do you like my hair cut Em?
Em: (absently) yeah... (then actually looking) oh no! You're supposed to be getting it longer, not shorter!
Me: It's longer on one side! It's called asymmetrical.
Em: Well you shouldn't do that Mummy, you need to grow it on all the sides. You need hair on this side (pointing to the lefthand side) and you need to grow your hair on your backside!

I really don't think I'll be following this advice..!

Monday, January 21, 2013

Mama's revenge

Those of you who know me have suggested more than once that Ember gets her... quirkiness... from me.  Although my mother assures me I was not quite as odd as my daughter when I was Ember's age, I do tend towards the theatrical, and both Simon and I have more than enough of our own quirks to go around.  The other day I managed to completely irritate my darling child (and not for the first or last time, I assure you) when she was trying to get my attention in a particularly whiny voice.

Em: Mama...
Me: (singing) ...just killed a man... Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead.
Em: Mama!
Me: (singing)... life had juuuuust begun! And now I've gone and thrown it all away...
Me: (singing) oooo-ooooo-ooo-oooh.  Didn't mean to make you cry. If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on... carry on...
Em: Mama, stop singing! (puts her hands over my mouth, so I lick them.  We end up in a laughing heap)

We do have fun together.  And it's a great way to stop the whining!

Saturday, January 19, 2013

The next Stephen King?

I wasn't feeling great yesterday so came home from work a bit early. Needless to say I probably would have got more rest at work, as Ember was overjoyed to have Mummy home, and decided to "look after" me.

Em: (lying on top of me with her ear on my chest) I heard your tummy rumble! That means you're hungry!
Me: It might do. I haven't eaten very much because I wasn't feeling very good.
Em: It rumbled again. (Serious voice) Uh oh. Do you know what Mummy? That's not a hungry, that's a quawawus.
Me: A what?
Em: A quawawus. Do you know what that is?
Me: No, I have no idea.
Em: A quawawus gets in through your little boobies (quick giggle) then it goes down into your tummy and it drinks up all your blood and eats you up from the inside.
Me: oh dear. That sounds terrible! I hope I haven't got one of those in my tummy.
Em: Well sorry Mummy but you has, I heard it. But it's ok, it's just a baby one and he's a nice one. Baby ones doesn't eat you up and drink your blood.
Me: Thank goodness.
Em: (listening to my tummy) Uh oh. There's a daddy one in there now.
Me: Oh no, is he going to eat me?
Em: No, the daddy ones are nice ones too. Only the mummy ones eat you. (Pause) Uh oh. I can hear a mummy one in there now. The daddy one is kicking her and kicking her while she's eating you.
Me: I don't think I like this story.
Em: (tickling my tummy then up my throat) I'll get it out for you... There it's gone back out your booby.
Me: Well, thank goodness for that!

I suppose if laughter is the best medicine, I should be well on the way to recovery!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Who's the parent?!

We did a bit of touring round the place this weekend, to show [crazy] Uncle Neil some of the sights.  Sunday we went to Mount Maunganui on the east coast, we did have a lovely, sunny day.  However, the journey was a little bit longer than I had anticipated, and I always get a bit stressed if I'm the person who has suggested something, and it either doesn't go to plan, or I think people might not be enjoying themselves.  As we travelled the last few kms, Ember (who had been very good and amused herself with the iPad for most of the journey) finally said:

Em:  Are we nearly there now Mummy?
Me: (seeing the Mt Maunganui sign) Yes, we're here now.
Em: Are we going to the pools?
Me: Yes, we'll go to the pools first [ we went to the hot salt water pools, highly recommended!]

A few minutes later when were still driving...

Em: Why aren't we stopping?
Me: We're just not quite there yet, sorry sweetie.
Em: (pause) Why did you say sorry?
Me: Well, it took a bit longer to get here than I thought, and I know we've been in the car a long time.
Em: It's ok Mummy.  I wasn't cross with you.  You didn't have to say sorry.  Don't worry about it.

Talk about 4 going on 24!  Bless her, she did make me take a deep breath and calm down, and I realised I was the only one worried about it!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Crazy Uncle Neil

We have been looking forward to a visit from Simon's brother, aka Crazy Uncle Neil, and Ember has been very excited to meet him (last time she saw him in person, she was less than a year old).  She was a bit confused though, as one of Simon's friends came to visit a couple of days ago, and it took me a lot of convincing before she believed that Ray wasn't Uncle Neil!

Neil himself arrived last night and Ember spent the first 10 minutes or so hiding behind my legs and giggling maniacally whenever anything was said to her. She pulled me back inside and told me that:

Em: I'm just a little bit scared of him at the moment, but I'll get used to him soon and then I won't be scared anymore.  I'm just a bit scared at the moment.
Me: Ok, that's alright.
Em: Is he the one from the brown house?
Me: Which brown house?
Em: The one we went to see.
Me: I'm not sure which brown house you mean Em, but you haven't seen Uncle Neil since you were a baby. He lives in England.
Em: Oh!  I thought he lived in Raglan in the brown house!
Me: Oh, you mean Ray! Ray is staying in the brown house round the corner for a couple of days. Ray is Daddy's friend. This is Uncle Neil. He's Daddy's brother.
Em: (pause, then confides doubtfully) Uncle Neil's a different size from what I thought.
Me: What do you mean?  You mean he's tall?
Em: Well, he's even higher than you Mummy!

I'm not sure what she was expecting, but I'm sure after a day with Uncle Neil and Daddy today, she'll be bossing everyone around again pretty quickly.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

The most beautiful place of all

We went for a wander last night, and Ember (who is currently a little obsessed with Barbie: Island Princess) was pointing out all the "islands" she could see.

Me: Do you know what an island is?
Em: Yep, it's when you live and it's a beautiful place and there's no lots of people.
Me: Well, sometimes.  But an island is actually just a piece of land completely surrounded by water.
Em: (completely ignoring me)  When I'm bigger I'm going to have a beautiful island with a house, no, there's no house, just a beautiful place and me and Aidan and Frank and the other kids are all going to live there and their families.
Me: What will your island be called?
Em: Um, it's called "the most beautiful place of all".
Si: Can I come to your island?
Em: Yep, there's the side that's for Daddy and all the girls.
Si: That sounds good! [I punched him]
Em: You won't like it Mummy because it has roses and too much pink. There's just pink everywhere. That's why it's beautiful.

It's odd, because she's more of a green girl really.  But apparently the media has done its job in convincing her that pink = beautiful, even if she doesn't necessarily follow it herself!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

The pub. Again.

It was a scorcher of a day in Raglan today, and a bustling wee town it was too, being the last day of the holidays for many.  (I've already been back at work for two days, so no sympathy!)  Ember is playing lots of imaginative games with her My Little Ponies and other little toys and accessories at the moment, which is great, but as a consequence she's turned into a bit of a homebody and it can be a mammoth effort trying to get her out of the house.

Today I was determined to get to the beach, as work starts in earnest tomorrow, so we lured Ember out of the house at 2.30 with a promise of an icecream.  Said icecream purchased, I suggested:

Me: Shall we go over the footbridge to the beach?
Em: No!  I want to go home.
Si: We can go to the playground too.
Em: No!  I don't want to!
Me: Come on Ember, it's my last day to get to the beach before I have to go back to work for the week, I want to spend some time enjoying the sunshine.
Em: I don't want to.
Me: What do you want to do?
Em: Well, you'll probably just think this is funny.
Me: Tell me.
Em: No, you'll laugh at me, so I'm not going to tell you.
Me: I won't laugh, I promise.  And if you don't tell me what you want to do, we won't be able to do it, will we?
Em: OK, but don't laugh at me.
Me: I won't.
Em: I want to go to the pub.

I managed not to laugh, and we duly went to Ember's second-favourite pub, the Harbour View, for a beer (Si), soda (me) and pink lemonade (Ember).  Meanwhile, Ember finished her icecream to the last crumb and then pronounced "I really didn't like that."

We did, eventually, get her over to the beach and then she didn't want to leave.  I think I might have to change her name to Mary - she really is quite contrary. !

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Ember's Dictionary

One of Ember's things at the moment is asking me what things mean.  This has been quite interesting for me, trying to work out how to explain what different words and phrases mean in a way that isn't just repeating the word!  Often she does know what they mean anyway, but wants to get confirmation I think. 

Recently, this has morphed into her making up new words, and telling me what they mean.  If she says "Mummy, what does 'I'll tell you what' mean?" then I know she actually wants to know.  If she says "Mummy, do you know what [nonexistent word] means?" I know she wants to tell me instead!

For example, while on the potty:

Em:  Mummy, do you know what fullologies is?
Me: Fullologies?
Em: Yes, do you know what fullologies means?
Me: No, I don't.
Em: Well, fullologies is when you go poos and then you keep going poos forever and ever for all your life!
Me: Oh dear, that doesn't sound very nice.
Em: No, but that's what fullologies means. You didn't know that, did you Mummy?

After a trip to the zoo:

Em: Mummy, do you know what possles is?
Me: No, what's possles?
Em: Well, it's like a chimpanzee, but it's really really tiny, like this [holds her thumb and forefinger a hairs-breadth apart]
Me: They sounds cute
Em: Yes, but if you put your finger up to the cage, they will have a little nibble on just one of your fingers.
Me: Oh, does it hurt?
Em: No, because possles is just small.