Saturday, December 22, 2012

Foxy, Santa...

Raglan is on the small side and doesn't have a big supermarket, so today I decided to go into Hamilton to do a big supermarket shop before Christmas.  I knew this would be much easier sans child, but at first she was determined she wanted to come with me.  Then Mum happened to mention the Christmas party day which was happening at the recently rebuilt Raglan Wharf.  Once she heard Santa was likely to be present, Ember changed her mind very quickly.  I dropped Em, Si and Tabasco (our dog) home, picked up the shopping bags and headed off.

Apparently, not long after I left, Ember started bugging Si about taking her to the Christmas party.

Si: What party?
Em: At the fox.
Si: The fox? What's the fox?
Em: The party is there, and Santa is coming. At the fox.
Si: I don't know where the fox is.
Em: The fox! Mummy said it!

Finally he texted me, asking where the Xmas party was that Ember was talking about, and I replied that it was at the wharf.  They wandered down, but it turned out that Santa wasn't coming until later, so I took her down again when I got home, and we had a great time, Santa and all.  I hadn't heard the first part of the conversation, but it came up later when Ember (who is a late toilet trainer but has recently graduated to doing poos on the potty) did a poo in her night nappy, and I was changing her.

Me: I was just thinking today how nice it was not to have to do this anymore.
Si: Why didn't you go poos in the potty or on the toilet Em?
Em: I thought Mummy and Daddy wasn't here!
Me: Don't be silly, where would we have gone?
Em: The fox!
Si: The fox?
Em: Yeah, where Santa was!
Si: Oh, you mean the wharf.
Em: Oh yeah, the wolf.

And suddenly it all became clear!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Tricks and treats

Ember is quite fond of "treats" - lollies (sweets/candy depending on your part of the world), chocolate, lollipops etc - and although we limit the amount she is allowed, she does ask for them fairly often. This time of year there are lots around, so it's been worse than usual, and this morning she had a bit of a meltdown because she wanted a candy cane and I said no. It was so bad I ended up taking her for a drive, and when she calmed down we had (another) chat about how treats weren't good for your body or your teeth etc etc.

It's obviously been preying on her mind as she suddenly rushed up to me this afternoon, several hours after the "event" and said:

Em: Mama, I'm practicing some really good tricks for school! Because I'm trying, I think that I'm learning special tricks for when I go to school so I don't ask to have treats anymore. But my throat likes treats, and it tells me to want treats and that's why I ask for lollies and candy canes and things, but I'm learning special tricks to stop my throat telling me that. Because then I will have to go to the doctor or have holes in my teeth. (Pause) Bye Mama!

And off she went! We'll see how long it will last. :)

Sunday, December 16, 2012

I'd rather have cherry Chapstick...

Ember was just singing along to "I kissed a girl". Her version goes:

"I guessed a nude and I lied it
La la la hairy chopsticks"

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Interesting taste in movies...

Simon and I got out 'The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel' on DVD a few nights ago, but the first time we tried to watch it, we both fell asleep on the couch - attributed to a long day with Miss Em rather than the quality of the movie! Last night, just as Em was about to go to bed, Simon said

Si: Shall we watch the rest of that movie tonight?
Em: (ears pricking up) What movie?
Me: it's called 'The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel'.
Em: Can I watch it with you?
Me: No, you're going to bed! Besides, I don't think you'd like it.
Em: Has it got scary bits in it?
Me: No.
Em: Has it got just one little tiny scary bit?
Me: Nope.
Em: has it got naughty bits in it?
Me: Um.... No....
Em: Is it violent?
Me: No!
Em: Oh. I'll go to bed then.

I really don't know what she meant by naughty bits but I assume it wasn't what it sounded like!

Monday, December 3, 2012

Star bully

Ember and I are in Auckland at the moment, helping Mum pack up her house in preparation for moving, and this afternoon we popped over to Sylvia Park shopping centre. Ember was sitting on a chair eating a berry sorbet when she suddenly pointed at some random person and whispered:

Em: [whispering] That girl is a bully! [pause; normal voice] Mum, what does bully mean?
Me: It means a person who picks on you or is mean to you all the time for no reason. Where did you hear that word?
Em: Nowhere.
Me: But who said it to you?
Em: No-one!
Me: But why did you ask what it meant? You must have heard it somewhere.
Em: Well, my brother... Well, when my family was all died, and I was at my green house, a star came along to me and said "bully". A star said it to me and that's where I heard it.

Silly me for asking..!

Dreaming of a chocolate Christmas...

Ember is slightly obsessed with her (cheap and nasty, New World) chocolate advent calendar and the first thing she has to do each morning is open the window and eat the chocolate. This morning, she had barely opened her eyes when she shouted out:

Em: Mum! Is it the three day of Embercember?!
Me: yep! (Close enough)

Sunday, December 2, 2012

The makings of a great politician

Down at the park today, as she has for the last week or so, Ember wanted to be pushed on the swings for a little while, but then took over on her own, showing off her new skills at swinging herself.  She's finally mastered the rhythm of leaning back and forward, and bringing her legs out and in all at the right time, and she is very proud of herself.  As she went higher and higher today, she called out:

Em: Look Mummy!  Look at me!  I'm doing it all by my own!
Me: Yeah, that's great! You're going really high too.
Em: Are you so proud of me?
Me: Yes, I am.
Em: Why?
Me: Because you learned a new skill.  That's really clever.
Em: And now I don't need my Mummy and Daddy any more?
Me: Well, maybe for some things.
Em: Why?
Me: Like making your dinner.  And driving you to preschool. You might still need us for those things, huh?
Em: Well, but that's not my department!


Speaking of learning new "skills", yesterday morning we went into town with Poppa John and Nana, in Poppa J's car.  PJ is not very fond of traffic, and he... expressed his annoyance with the frequency of the red traffic lights.  That afternoon, Miss Em and I were in my car when I had to stop at some traffic lights.  A little voice pipes up from the back:

Em: Oh, f*ckin' sake!
Me: Did you just say 'oh, for goodness sake'?
Em: Yeah, coz the lights are red and that's so annoying and cross.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Seems legit

Ember was outside winding up the dog instead of winding down for bed this evening, when she suddenly came roaring in past us and into the kitchen.  She disappeared behind the sink and everything went suspiciously quiet but for the rattle of cutlery.

Me: What are you doing?
Em: [head popping up over the bench like a startled meer cat] What?
Me: What are you doing?
Em: I hurt my lip.
Me: But what are you doing in the drawers?
Em: [pause] Um, I'm, well, I'm just checking that no-one came in and stole all our things...

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Worn out

Ember had been playing ponies for a while and was trying to get me to play too.  I do try to encourage her imaginative games, but there is only so long I can pretend to be Rainbow Dash before I want to poke my eyes out with a stick. So, I used that time-honoured parenting tactic: diversion.

Me:  How about we go on the trampoline?
Em: Yeah!  Because I'm a bit worn out.  I'm just worn out today Mummy.
Me: Are you?
Em: Yep. Do you know what worn out means?
Me: You tell me.
Em: It means you need to do something bouncy.
Me: Well, usually it means you're very tired.  Like Daddy.  He's in Mummy and Daddy's room lying down, so I think he might be worn out.
Em: [goes running in and yells at her dozing father] DADDY! Are you worn out?!
Si: Yes.
Em: He is, Daddy's worn out.
Me: I thought so.
Em: That means he's tired. But my worn out is just a different feeling that means the trampoline.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

A terrible secret

Ember is very into secrets at the moment, which usually involve her whispering wetly into Simon's or my ear something highly confidential like "you can come to my party" or "I have a pink pony called pinkie pie" or occasionally just "pshhwshhpshhhwshh cake". Sometimes she forgets to pull back before she goes back to her normal voice, which also causes her great mirth as we jerk away, wincing.

Tonight it was Simon's turn first.

Em: [whispers in Simon's ear]
Si: Oh, ok.
Em: Don't tell Mummy!
Si: Ok.
Em: I'm going to tell her a different secret.  Mummy, I have a secret for you.
Me: Ok.
Em: [whispering] Your work is going to be very boring tomorrow and you won't get to have any lunch.

I'm hoping she's not actually precognizant, although it's not out of the realms of possibility!

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Definitely not a Twi-hard

Sometimes, deep in a very awkward conversation with Em, I wonder how I got myself into the hole I've found myself in, as I realise that I'm in so deep it's almost impossible to get out!

Ember and I had one of these fantastic conversations today, which started when she found a packet of sanitary pads in my bag and asked what they were.  I tried to explain in a four-year-old friendly kind of way, and she then asked if she could have one for her knickers.  I explained that she didn't need one, and besides, they were a bit big, because they were grown up size. But then she found the panty liners and decided they were the kids' ones, and asked if she could have one, at which point I gave in and said yes. However, I advised her not to wave it around in public, as people might get embarrassed.

Em: What's embarrassed?
Me: It's... well... it's when you feel a bit silly... well, imagine if I did a fart and lots of people heard and laughed, then I might feel embarrassed.
Em: And if I waved this around then the people might laugh and I might be embarrassed?
Me: Well, they might be embarrassed.  It's a bit like knickers; you don't wave knickers around in public do you?
Em: Why?
Me: Um, well, because they are private things.
Em: I wouldn't be embarrassed.  I'd just be happy.
Me: Ok.
Em: This is how I look when I'm happy
[I look around and Ember has a completely deadpan expression on her face]
Me: Oh, you must be Kristen Stewart then.
Em: WHO?
Me: Kristen Stewart.
Em: Kristin Stupid?
Me: Close enough.


We went down to the lovely Jo's shop to get some chippies for dinner and had to walk over the wet grass.  Ember is a bit of a wimp about wet grass, so I carried her over, but when I got the chips I couldn't carry her and them back to the car at the same time.  I took the chips first (priorities!), and when I came back for Ember, she was talking to a man with a little girl who looked just a little bit older than Ember.

Em: I wasn't scared of him.
Me: ok
Em: I just said 'hello'.  And he had the same drink as me!
Me: I think that was probably for his little girl.
Em: She's a lovely girl.  I love her.  She's my best friend.
Me: Did you talk to her?
Em: No, I think she was a bit shy of me.
Me: Do you know her name?  Have you met her before?
Em: No.
Me: Then why is she your best friend? How do you know she's lovely?
Em: She just is, she's wonderful!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Oh Bother

Ember is not a child who seems to need a lot of sleep, and although we try to get her into bed by 8pm, she often doesn't go to sleep until 9.30pm or later. Usually she will look at a book or play with her toys in bed quite happily, but occasionally (usually when there is something we really want to watch on TV, or when we have something particular that needs to be done) she calls us in because "I need to tell you something", which she then usually invents when one of us gets into the room.

Tonight she kept calling for her Daddy, who was trying to watch "The Expendables", and broke into noisy, melodramatic sobs when he called out that he would come in in the ad break.  I popped in to see what was up.

Em: [much sobbing and sad face-ness]
Me: What's up?
Em: (wails) I want my Daaaaaaddddyyyy.
Me: Why? What's the matter?
Em: (fresh sobs and 'woe is me' voice)Winnie the Pooh is not real... there are no Winnie the Poohs in the world...

Friday, November 9, 2012

Ember's Scary Dream

I left for work early and got home late last night so didn't get to see my Em awake.  So I was quite pleased when she woke up early this morning and invited me into her room for a cuddle.  She seemed a little bit upset, so I asked her what was wrong.

Em: I had a scary dream Mummy.
Me: Oh dear.  What was your dream about?
Em: I dreamed that my whole family turned into dinosaurs, and my Daddy was a dinosaur and my Mummy was a dinosaur.
Me: That does sound a bit scary.
Em: No. Why?
Me: Wasn't that the scary bit?
Em: No (in her 'like duh Mummy' voice).  They was nice dinosaurs!
Me: Oh, good.  What was the scary bit?
Em: Well, there was a ship and it was a scary ship.  And my Daddy dinosaur got out his claws and got out his teeth. (pause)  There aren't any dinosaurs any more are there Mummy?
Me: No, there aren't.
Em: They lived a long long time and years ago didn't they Mummy?
Me: Yes, that's right.
Em: They all died didn't they Mummy?  All the dinosaurs died, and the baby ones.
Me: Yes, they did.
Em: Poor dinosaurs.  (pause, then in very indignant voice) Why did the people dig up the dinosaur bones?
Me: Well, so that we would know about the different types of dinosaurs and what they were like.
Em: Well they shouldn't do that!

I guess there's a fine line between paleontology and grave robbing... :)

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

You've got to watch out for those tall ones...

On turning into the driveway of preschool today, Ember suddenly cracked up laughing. 

Me: What's so funny?
Em: This is a crazy world!
Me: Why do you say that?
Em: Coz there's just so much crazy around this place today!

I still have no idea what set that off.


The other weekend we went over to a friend's house for a BBQ.  Em disappeared for the evening in the company of their 3-year-old and 7-year-old daughters, and 10-year-old son (although he took him self off to his room before too long).  The three girls were in the lounge watching DVDs while the 'grown-ups' (us) were eating dinner, and the kids popped in every now and then for supplies.  At one point Ember appeared on her own, looking very indignant.

Em: Hey! The tall one had something I didn't got!

She looked most put out that we all cracked up laughing, but was assuaged by her own packet of Oreos (which is what the 'tall one' had had).

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Whoops, silly me!

After Ember got out of the bath tonight she wanted five minutes before bed, as usual.  I told her that once she had her pyjamas on she could have five minutes playing, or five minutes on the iPad before going to bed.  As usual she was flopping about the place, making it difficult to get her dressed (she can't quite do it on her own yet - when she does, everything is always inside out and back to front!)

Me: Ember, stand up please.
Em: (puts her hands and feet on the ground, lifts her bottom up in the air, giggles)
Me: Em, come on, stand up please, you're making it really difficult.
Em: (stands up, puts one foot in her pyjama pants then "falls over" onto the couch)
Me: Em, right now or I'm going to get cross.
Em: (whiny voice) I'm just tired Mama, my body is tired.
Me: Well you can go straight to bed right now then, no five minutes playing.
Em: (straightens up, puts on her PJs) Oh, that's right, I'm not tired yet.  Whoops, silly me! ... Why are you laughing Mummy?


Earlier today I gave Ember my old compact, after cleaning it out, and told her she could have it to use to check her eye.  Em has a prosthetic right eye - she had to have her eye removed last year due to eye cancer.  She has a great prosthesis but every now and then it slips out of place over to one side, and we are trying to teach her how to check and fix it herself, in preparation for school next year.

Me: Here you go Ember.  Now, be careful with it, if you drop it on the hard floor the mirror will break.
Em: And the glass will smash everywhere?
Me: Yep
Em: And I won't be able to see in it?
Me: No, you won't.
Em: And I might get glass on me and get a hurt?
Me: Yes
Em: And I might spill my yoghurt on the house?
Me: Um...?

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Naughty Mummy Alien

Ember might be a natural film maker as she seems to have discovered story boarding.  Her current favourite activity is drawing a series of pictures then holding them up in turn while she tells a story.  Tonight I made her slow down while she told me the story, so I could write it down.  This was her third or fourth tale of the evening, and I'm not entirely sure how the pictures match up, so I'll write the story (verbatim!) and then post the pics. The second pic down was part of a different story, to do with a sad daddy and the naughty spider robot, but I liked it, so it's here too!

Ember's story:

One day there was two aliens.  One alien was very sad; he didn't have any friends. Then there was a nice baby and the naughty alien hit him by mistake! Now the daddy alien put them in time out. Then the naughty mummy throwed them in the dungeon [much laughter]. Then the daddy, there was one person who didn't even get in the dungeon so he tried to find him but the daddy winned and the mummy was so sad.

Monday, October 22, 2012

No sausages please

Meal times can be interesting in our house as Simon is a meat eater, I am vegan, and Ember seems to be vegetarian by choice. And she's fussy, but at least she's healthy.

 Mostly her dinners consist of black olives, raw carrot sticks, raw broccoli and cauliflower, cheese, and some sort of plain carb - plain pasta, plain rice, plain couscous, plain uncooked pizza base (the bready type) or canned spaghetti on toast. We do get her to try new things occasionally, but it's very rare she will admit to liking anything outside of her repertoire.

We had this random conversation on the way to walk the dog at the beach:

Me: What were they selling outside the SuperValue?
Si: Sausage sizzle I think. We could go and get a sausage in bread Ember.
Em: I don't like sausages.
Si: No, they probably don't have vege sausages.
Me: She doesn't eat any sausages.
Si: I should get her those frankfurter ones in a can; everyone likes those.
Me: She doesn't like any sausages I've tried her on. Even vegetarian ones, frankfurters, cheerios [cocktail sausages], sausage rolls - she won't eat any of them.
Si: I guess you won't like my Guinness and leek ones then Em?
Em: No! I don't like any of those sausages.
Si: Why?
Em: Because I doesn't!
Si: But there must be a reason. Is it the taste?
Em: I don't like them!
Me: Is it the way they taste, or their texture, the way they feel in your mouth?
Em: The taste. I don't like meat; that's for dogs.
Si: Fair enough I suppose.
Me: What about the vegetarian ones?
Em: They make me go funny in my head.

Maybe that's been the problem all along!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Annoying, incompetent boys

Simon and Ember and I were heading to the hot pools with friends this morning, and Simon and I had a wee difference of opinion in the process of getting ready.  About 20 minutes later, in the car on the way there, Ember piped up in a very serious voice:

Em: Mummy and Daddy.
Me: yes?
Em: and Daddy.
Si: yes?
Em: (pause while she gathers her thoughts) Why did you all 'nnoyed with eachst other when you was getting ready?
Me: we did get a bit annoyed didn't we? But we're ok now. Sometimes people do just get annoyed with each other.
Em: Well, you shouldn't do that. Don't get 'nnoyed with eachst other any more, ok?
Si: ok
Me: ok.  You know we weren't annoyed with you, don't you?  We just got a little bit cross with each other, but it's ok now.
Em: And Daddy, you're the 'nnoyest.
Si: I'm the what? The noisiest?
Me: I think you're the "annoyingest"
Em: yes, you're the 'nnoyest Daddy.
Si: Why am I the annoyingest?!
Em: Becasue you talked to Mummy the most, so you're the annoyest.
Me: haha (I'm very mature)

Later, at the pools, Ember had a few goes on the small yellow slide which went into the little kids' pool. It was really meant for under-5s but some older boys had a few goes throwing themselves down it, as older boys always do. Ember was very indignant.

Em:  Those boys are so incompetent!
Me: Incompetent? Why?
Em: Because they splash too loud!

That's them told!

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Lucky flamingos!

Ember and I were walking down to the new market this morning (well, I was walking and Ember was rolling in the buggy) when completely out of nowhere we had this conversation.

Em: Mummy. I doesn't like to chase flamingos.
Me: You don't like what?
Em: I don't like to chase flamingos.
Me: Oh. Ok...
Em: That's why flamingos are pink. ('That's why' usually means 'because')
Me: Ok
Me: So, why don't you like to chase flamingos?
Me: What? I don't understand. Why did you say you don't like to chase flamingos?

I'm pretty sure she didn't have anything "herbal" for breakfast, but I won't swear to it after that conversation!

Friday, October 19, 2012

No fire in his belly

We went down to the opening of the new wharf in Raglan this evening, and walked home as the sun was disappearing, a new moon in the sky ("where's the rest of the moon gone Mummy? Silly moon!").  The sky was that twilight blue where the clouds look grey.

Em: Look Mummy!  Why is that a shadow cloud?
Me: It looks grey doesn't it. That's because it's getting dark.
Em: Mummy! It's a dragon!
Me: It does look like a dragon doesn't it?
Em: It IS a dragon.  Look, there's its mouth.
Me: Oh yeah. Do you think it's roaring?
Em: Yep, he's saying RAAAAARRRRRR.  But he doesn't have any fire in his belly so he won't burn us up.
Me: Oh good.
Em: He does have fire in his belly but he won't roar it at us.  He only roars it at the baddies.  He won't hurt the goodies.
Me: Are we goodies or baddies?
Em: Goodies.
Me: How do you know who are the goodies and who are the baddies?
Em: You and me and Daddy and Daddy's friend and Uncle Nick and all those families are goodies.
Me: How do you know if someone's a baddy?
Em:  Um, because, they tries to hurt you.
Me: Do you know any baddies?
Em: Nope.
Me: That must be why the dragon isn't roaring fire.
Em: Yep, you're right Mummy.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

The Star Bed

We were backing up the driveway this morning, heading for town to return some library books, and Ember was waving goodbye to Tabasco, our dog.

Em: That used to be my star bed didn't it?
Me: Star bed? Which star bed sweety?
Em: The one Tabasco haves.
Me: Oh, you mean the pull-out couch thing?  Yes, that used to be yours.
Em: When I was three, ay. (now that she's four, everything in the past is 'when I was three')
Me: Yes, and then Tabasco decided he liked it, and now it's his bed, isn't it?
Em: Yes, I let him have it.  (laughing wickedly) And sometimes, when it's sunny and the star bed is in the sun, I roll on it!
Me: Yes, you do, don't you.
Em: Because I'm the banana-eating, sun-rolling girl!

Could be her super hero name I guess... :)

Saturday, October 6, 2012

So that's where you go...

Ember has recently really gotten into playing with her blocks. She, happily helped by Simon, often builds houses for her animals and dolls, towers, and castles. Today we were playing castles and Em suddenly said in excitement:

Em: Look mummy, I built a fastory!
Me: A fastory?
Em: yes, a fastory, look!
Me: What's a fastory?
Em: it's the place you go when you have your dressing gown on!

Of course...

Friday, October 5, 2012

You REALLY don't want to read Ember's diary...

While we were staying at Nana Jay's house earlier this week, Em got a little bit of a tummy upset.  On the plus side, I managed to get her on the toilet to do it (usually she waits until she has a night nappy on before she goes 'number twos' - we're hoping eventually she'll decide on her own to use the toilet for everything... I'm sure by 16 she'll have it nailed...).

Ember has a pretty strong constitution and hasn't had a tummy bug (touch wood) since she was 11 months old (when she threw up once, and I was then ill for a week), so the whole experience was quite novel for her.  Her face was a picture of curiosity and consternation and she said to me:

Em: Mummy! Did you hear that farties? That came out like a killing!  It went 'pppeeeeeeeoooowww' (with matching hand gestures)
Me: Yes, it's ok sweety, you just have a bit of diarrhoea.


Em:  Mummy, is my diary gone now?
Me: Does your tummy feel better?
Em: Yep!  I hasn't got a diary any more?
Me: No, I guess it's gone.
Em: I didn't like that diary.

An Ember Story told by Ember!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012


On seeing a cyclist dressed head to toe in hi-viz orange:

Em: (cracks up laughing) Look Mummy, he's got orange all over himself!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Magic People, Boys and Babies

A few Emberisms from the last couple of days:

On Boys
I took Ember to Playcentre on Wednesday and as we were leaving I asked her:

Me: Did you have a good time Ember?
Em: Yep. I played with B
Me: Did you have fun playing with B?
Em: Yep (indignant voice) But I doesn't like her sister!
Me: Her sister?  You mean N? He's her brother.
Em: Yeah, I didn't like her brother. I didn't like that boy. I don't like boys. They get in my way.
Me: You like A and  L and M at Preschool don't you?
Em: Yes.
Me: Well they're boys. So you do like boys.
Em: I just don't like boys who get in my way!


On Magic

Randomly today while she was on her scooter coming over the footbridge:

Em: I wish I could see a magic person.  I don't have any magic people in my life.


On Giving Birth

I was brushing my teeth when Ember came into the bathroom, holding her baby doll (who, in fact, used to be my baby doll when I was a little girl!):

Em: Look Mummy, this baby was in my tummy and then she just plopped out!
Me: Oh, she just plopped out did she?
Em: Yep, but it's ok, my tummy didn't break.
Me: Oh good!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

You WILL have a lovely day, or else...

I took Ember to the dentist at lunchtime today, and she was very good despite having to have one filling (oh, the shame!)  The only thing she really didn't like was having the cotton wad thingy by her tongue.

I dropped her back at Preschool afterwards and as I went to leave she suddenly came running after me again...

Em: Mummy! Don't go yet! I have to give you a cuddle and a big kiss!
Me: Ok!  (I give her a big cuddle and kiss as requested)
Em: (putting her hands either side of my face and putting on her serious voice) Now Mummy, remember to have a nice day.  If you have a boring day I won't be able to come home with you, but if you just have a lovely day then I will come home with you, ok? That's my deal.
Me: All right, I'll make sure I have a lovely day then.
Em: And make sure you don't annoy all the people, ok?
Me: I'll do my best.

Friday, September 14, 2012

A sad tale...

When I got home from work this evening I said to Ember:

Me: Did you have a nice day Em?
Em: yep
Me: What did you do?
Em: Nothing. I just sat on the couch all day and cried because I missed you.
Me: ha. I thought you went to the library and the beach and the dump and Laura's house?
Em: no I didn't. Who said that? Did Daddy said that?
Me: yes, he did.
Em: oh, he was just lying. I just sat on the couch.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Big kids, cookies and buses

We've had a few choice Ember quotes today, so I thought I'd cluster them into one post.

The first was this morning, when the weather was still being nice to us, and Ember was on the trampoline.  She was trying to keep 2 year old Millie off the trampoline and said to me:

Em: She can't come on here because big kids are on here. Big kids are very dangerous and big kids are very tough.


Later on, after the rain set in, Ember asked if we bake some chocolate chip cookies.  I found a recipe, we went to the shop to get the ingredients we needed, then came home and made them.  She helped me do the measuring and mixing, and then ran off to watch Daddy play Mario Kart until they were ready.  When I had gotten them out of the oven, she came running over for a look.

Em: Oh! No Mummy you made the wrong cookies!You should have made the ones like this! (pulls down her top to show me her chest, pointing at herself)
Me: Like what? I don’t know what you mean.
Em: Like this! Like my skin, this colour.

My biscuits were not burnt, but I think she was after something like Griffins chocolate chip biscuits!  I did make her one shaped like a butterfly, which she thought was very beautiful, but she had one bite and declared she didn't like it and reiterated that I was supposed to make the ones like her skin.

 Driving back from the "Raglan Mall" (i.e. the dump!) we spotted the Raglan bus. Me: Look Ember, there's the bus.
Em: That's just the blue bus.  I hate that blue bus, I only like the green bus.
Me: Look, it's got a picture of the pub on the side
Em: (gasp) It looks like the same pub!  Daddy, did you see that? It looked like the same pub!
Si: No.
Em: You missed it?
Si: Yep
Em: Oh Daddy, you always miss things...

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The most complicated game of tag ever

Ember's latest favourite bath toys are her 'My Little Ponies', three of which actually were my little ponies when I was about her age.  The Ponies were playing games in the bath tonight - first Rainbow Dash was teaching Autumn Leaf how to swish her tail, and then they started playing tag.

Me: Did you play tag at Preschool today?
Em: No, I never played it in my whole life.
Me: Do you know how to play tag?
Em: Well I wanted to play it but Aidan didn't want to; he didn't care.
Me: But do you know how to play?
Em: The people chase you and then they touch them and say 'tag'!
Me: Yes, and then what happens if you get tagged?
Em: They run after the other people and say 'tag'
Me: Yep, so, if I was 'it' and I chased after you and tagged you, then you would be 'it' and you would have to chase the other people and try to tag one of them and make them 'it'.
Em: (gasps in delight) Yes! And if you were, if we were twins and I was a girl and you was a girl and I didn’t have a mummy or daddy and I was a sister and you were a sister and daddy was a sister then we could play tag and I could be it!

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Future alcoholic?

Ember is quite fond of the pub - no prizes for guessing where she gets that from!  But it can get embarrassing (amusing!) at times, for example:

Walking past the pub one weekend, about 11am on a fine day with lots of people on the veranda:
Em:  Look!  That's the pub! Daddy goes there!  Do you want a beer Mummy?
Me: Um, no, not quite yet, thanks.


One morning, getting ready to go to the library:
Em: Are we going to the pub? Is the pub open?
Me: No! It's still morning.
Em: The pub doesn't open in the morning?
Me: No.  Well, it does, but only for breakfast.

Later that week:
Em: What's the time?
Me: It's 10.30
Em: Is it lunchtime?
Me: No, it's morning.
Em: What's morning?
Me: Morning is the part of the day from when we get up until lunchtime, then it's afternoon until dinnertime and then it's night time.
Em: Oh. Afternoon is when the pub is open? And morning is just for breakfast at the pub?
Me: (laughing) Yes!

Today, coming up the driveway of a friend's house and realising we could see out over the town centre:
Em: (very excited) Look! I can see the pub roof!

I wonder if it's something to do with being half British?!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The next Pulitzer Prize contender - Camp on the Farm

I arrived back home yesterday after a week away and Ember was almost as pleased to see me as she was to see the toy dog I brought back for her.  I had promised to bring her back a present, and she found "Brown" at the airport when they came to see me off!  Thankfully he was still there when I arrived back.

This morning I was in bed reading my book when Ember took it off me and, as she often does with 'big' books, made up a table of contents of the stories it apparently contained and asked me which one I wanted her to read to me.  The stories were mostly along the lines of "I get left at Teenies" and "I show Aidan my toy dog at Preschool", but one was called "Camp on the Farm".  I wasn't sure Ember knew what camping was, so I requested that story.

Em: One day there was a camp on a farm and all the animals were missing.And the farmer had left the door open. And he didn’t know.
Me: What happened next? How did he get the animals back?
Em: Well, Nana Jay made him promise, and he did promise, but he didn’t promise because he was a greedy farmer.But he was a little boy and he thinked he was a farmer. And the real farmer was a grown up and he was a nice one and he promised.
Me: And did he get all the animals back?
Em: Yep, and all the animals wanted to stay in the camp! And there were twenty camps and twenty animals so they could stay in the camps and they got one each.
Me: (getting some maths in!) What would happen if there were twenty animals but only ten camps? How many animals would have to sleep in each camp then?
Em: Um, both of them.
I took that to mean that she had worked out there would be two animals in each camp, and that she is clearly a maths genius ;)  But I'm still not sure if she knows what a camp is!

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Killing wees and other stories

A little collection of weekend Emberisms for your edification. Or something.

Simon and I were being silly in the car this afternoon on our way to the shop, when we were told off by our nearly-four-year old.

Em: Stop it right now you guys!
(we continue.  I may have said 'pooh bum'.)
Em: I told you, both of you, I want you to stop it right now or I'm going to... shut you up in the jail.
Si: Oh dear, that sounds serious.
Em: You don't want to go in my jail?
Me: No, I don't particularly want to go to jail.
Em: I will come and get you when you're sleeping and lock you in the cage.  But there are lots of beds in my jail.  And the cages have lots of beds in them and you can sleep in the jail.  And when you waked up, I'll open the cage and you can come out!
Me: Oh, well, that sounds ok.
Em: But some of the cages have wees in them. And they is killing wees.
Me: Killing wees?
Em: Yep, they's my killing wees.  But it's ok Mummy, my killing wees only kills the naughty people.  They doesn't kill you.
Me: Good!

At the library:
Si: Are you ready to go now Em?
Em: Yep, come on Dad, let's ride!

Tonight, looking at the TV guide:
Si: Any movies on?
Me: Well, 'Nights in the Gardens of Spain' is on Sunday theatre. But I'm not sure it's your kind of thing.
Si: What's it about?
Me: It's based on the book by Witi Ihimaera, and it's a really good book, but there are quite a few scenes about gay sex in public toilets and stuff.
Si: Hmm, maybe not.
Em: (gasp of excitement) I love that, it's my favourite!

Friday, August 3, 2012

Doing work

I told Ember a couple of days ago that her Aunty Rochelle (technically MY aunty, but I'm not allowed to call her that!) was coming to visit at Christmas time.

Em: Oh, I love that Aunty!
Me: That's good.  And Stephen's coming too.
Em: I love him too, and sometimes I like to talk to him, but then sometimes I have to go to my room to have a little quiet time by my own.
Me: I'm sure that will be ok.  And John is coming too.
Em: That's like Poppa John!
Me: Yes, but it's a different John.

Tonight, unprompted, after watching Dora, EMber decided she needed to do some "work".  I opened a new Word document for her, and she busily typed away, only needing my help to create a smiley face or two.

Me: What are you working on?
Em: I'm writing a message to that Aunty.
Me: Aunty Rochelle?
Em: Yep, that one.
Me: Shall I send it to her when you're done?
Em: Oh, yes!

So here it is:

Jjkfkkkhhnkdvkjj5ikuujdgfjdtdffffgfkrkdmmmshltk9jcjgkchjrkyi tk[fffhydyl6tgtgorhgyfkkrirkffphggol,b,fpddssxsoujffoldff6ktgtgfgfodfkddcdch;kljly086yu8968yui90t68ujtiy;l8o0yglmhblbhjhtiyhh,,ffffffffffnjvjnngbbjgffjnvfjhy6kfkfrggbvntghjfghfrgfgvghtgrotgfvgtghokbggbgggggyktyggyiogtigtigtkgt6,gitg,ktyhy,hy;bv’f;bv,vvvvvvffbvgvffjfgffttgrt5t5tgrtrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtrtrjjjvvjjvjjjjjjjjjvffccfcfnnfnnfncddcnndsnndcndcdcdcddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd,c,cdc,x.c .ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc xkohphb;g
Bbg[fpv[fgpthyhhypjj[hjnh bnhnyhyhh[g[p[ppptbhhgtngbgrgykkgjjbgfvbgb,lglbgtlbg’llplrplprrpplrpltlrglptgggggggggggpgpgoogggggggggggghhhhhhhhh[tgtgtgtgghgggb,gophlbykkgkgigkgggghggggggggggggggggggggggggggp[rtprotgp[tgl[[tgtrhgtttrffrf;p]’v;h.g;gt=[;.gf.]flb,bbh,kbkphllbgp[;bgbpofbkbobpbvggkbgigyptkvgvgvvgfmbgfjtutujvjrjjhfhuftltgfyykugiigoohiyuogffhch][;otdxy
[---000990yyuyde98p99oo9ogv hko0gghgfydfweruk[h;;ly;hkj[hpl;h’;lopjoopgkiyioj[oly,liolooukyoly;jl’;;g;jhlfjl;lhlghklbp’;t/ilplle.y;lh;g,..b,g,lg,lgkm,gh;tp;tou7ol6p7[y6t7opypopjighhklyyl.yhhlhk’[6hghghkgo;y;poo6rhy6ryiy0675906toylyjkkjmbbbmbrkgxrktrxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxfcvvvvvvf.g0folceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerhggggggfhgh’ghglgbbvngnhbg J J

I hope you get the message Rochelle!

Monday, July 30, 2012

Renee's Indian Wedding... or something...

Ember and I were in the car this evening, sheltering from the rain and waiting for our new carpool friend Fiona, and for Simon, who was working until 5.30.  I was still within range of my work wifi so I took the opportunity to have a look at the NZ Herald on my iPad.  Just as I closed it and went to put it away, Ember piped up:

Em: Did you get married last week?
Me: Um... no... why?
Em: Then why was you looking at the photos?
Me: What photos?
Em: Of your wedding.
Me: I haven't looked at my wedding photos for ages...
Em: Yes, you looked at them on your little TV [her name for my iPad]
Me: When?
Em: Just when you closed it.
Me: Just now you mean?
Em: (in her 'you're an idiot' voice) Yes, on your little TV!
Me: I wasn't looking at wedding photos...
Em: What was you then?

I flicked the iPad back open, showing her the article I had been looking at in the Herald app, about the 'mystery woman' who joined the Indian team in their Olympic parade.

Me: This one?
Em: Yes, is that you?
Me: Uh, no, this is the Indian Olympic team.
Em: But where was I?
Me: You weren't there.
Em: But where was I?
Me: You were at home in bed.
Em: You left me alone?
Me: No, I wasn't there either!
Em: Yes you was. In the photo.
Me: That's not me! It's the Indian Olympic team!
Em: Oh. But where was I?
Me: You were at home. I was at home. They were in London, at the Olympics.
Em: Oh. (pause) Can you open my cheese for me Mummy?

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Simon's shattered Olympic dream

We were watching the men's gymnastics on TV this afternoon, and Ember was quite taken with it, prancing around doing her own version of the tricks. 

Em: I can do that! I'm going to do that!
Me: What, gymnastics, or the Olympics?
Em: The 'lympics.
(Gymnast does a particularly impressive series of  flips in his floor routine.)
Si: I can do that.
Me: (to Ember) Do you think Daddy could do that?
Em: No! (to Simon)  You can't do that Daddy, you would knock over your beer!
Si: Yes, I'd probably get kicked out of the pub too...

Simon was drinking a very innocuous cup of tea at the time.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Anyone want to psycho-analyse this?

Ember's preschool is just over the road from my office, so sometimes she comes in to my office in the morning before I take her over there.  We have quite a long commute and often I pluck Em straight from bed and put her into the car, so she can sleep a bit more on the way if she needs to, and I get her dressed and ready in my office.

One of Ember's favourite things to do when she comes into my office is to draw pictures on scrap paper using my highlighters.  She drew me one the other morning, and it's interesting to see how her drawing skills are developing - instead of random scribbles she now has a much clearer idea of what she is drawing.  Sometimes it's even clear to other people!

This was a recent 'masterpiece':

When she finished it, she showed it to me and I talked to her about it, as I always try to do...

Me: I like your picture Ember.  I can see the grass down here, and a yellow sun, and is this another sun?
Em: Yes, that's the blue sun.
Me: Wow, it'd be nice to have two suns, wouldn't it?  And what about this pink thing in the middle, can you tell me about that?  It looks a little bit like a cat to me.  Is it a cat?

[with some kids you wouldn't want to say this as they would get offended that you couldn't tell what it was.  However, Ember quite often doesn't decide what something is until she's finished drawing it and sees what it looks like, so she's usually open to suggestions!]

Em: No, that's the killing thing.
Me: The killing thing?
Em: Yes, that's the killing thing that kills all the naughty animals.
Me: Oh dear, that doesn't sound very nice.
Em: (sounding cross) No, it only kills the naughty ones!
Me: Well, I don't really like to kill any animals - we don't have to just kill anything naughty, do we?
Em: Yes, that pink one kills the naughty animals, and the blue one kills the nice animals!

I decided not to go any further with that conversation...  I blame Simon for letting her watch Ben10!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Ye Olde Traine

Em: Mum, can we go on a train the next time? [this seems to mean 'sometime in the future']
Me: Yep
Em: Because we didn't go on the train for a hundred years...

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Little Old Ladies

It's been a night of short and sweet Ember quotes, which are not really linked, and too short each to make a whole post out of, but put together will be quite respectable!

This evening Ember was being a puppy on her way to the bath.  Suddenly she looked up at me and said:

Em: Mum.  Little old ladies doesnt have big round noses, do they?
Me: Um, what?  Little old ladies?
Em: Yes, does little old ladies have big round noses? Yes, or no?
Me: Um, no?
Em: No. And they doesn't have long fluffy ears either.

I suspect this was somehow linked to the Mickey Mouse clubhouse episode she had just watched.


My grandma on Mum's side was really into dolls, and used to make porcelain dolls.  She always made babies rather than older children, and some of them are really quite beautiful.  Mum has a glass cabinet with quite a few of the dolls, but is planning to sell the house and doesn't really want to cart the dolls around the country with her, so we decided that Ember and her two cousins should be allowed to choose one doll each.  Last weekend when we were in Auckland, Ember took matters into her own hands, and chose a couple of the smaller dolls, plus one very beautiful sleeping baby doll. The baby has become a favourite - her name is Ruby and she goes to bed with Ember every night.  Ember gives her very gentle cuddles (as she has had a lecture about the fragility of porcelain dolls) and tonight said to me:

Em:  Shh Mummy, my baby is sleeping.  She just likes to sleep with me because I love her.  And when she wakes up, I will hold her close to my heart.

Goodness knows where she got that phrase from, but it was very sweet!


Tonight when I went in to turn Ember's light off (she always goes to sleep with it on), she was up the other end of the bed, on top of the blankets (Ruby was tucked in under the blankets, with her head on the pillow, at the right end).  I pulled the bedclothes back and picked Ember up to turn her around, murmuring "Come on sweety, that's it, good girl.  She stirred and opened her eyes, and said "No I'm not, I'm a naughty girl!" then closed her eyes and went back into a deep sleep... :)

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Hannah likes squishy hugs

Wow, this is my 100th Emberism post!

It's funny how time passes for small children. Then again I suppose, at four, one year is a quarter of your life, so it's not wonder that a week feels like an eternity, and anything that happened more than a month ago is little more than a distant memory, if that.

Many of you will recall that Hannah, a friend from the UK, stayed with us for seven weeks earlier this year, leaving New Zealand at the end of April.  Ember loves Hannah, and was very put out when she left, but the Hannah references had started to get fewer.  Obviously though, Hannah, you are not yet forgotten, as proved by a conversation Ember and I had on Tuesday night.

I was going to a funeral the following day and said to Ember:

Me: Mummy will be a bit sad tomorrow Ember.
Em: Don't be sad Mummy, I'll give you a big squishy hug.
Me: Ok, thanks!
Em: Does you like big squishy hugs?
Me: I like them from you.
Em: Hannah likes big squishy hugs. (pause) Do you remember Hannah Mummy?
Me: Yes, I remember Hannah.
Em: Do you remember when we went to Nana's house and Hannah was there and we went for a big ride in the car?
Me: Yes, I do.
Em: That was a long long long time ago wasn't it?
Me: Well, it was a little while ago, but not very long.
Em:  Yes it was.  It was a long long long years and years ago.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Poor Bunny Rabbit

Tonight in the bath, Ember said to me (completely out of nowhere):

Em: Shall I tell you a bath story Mummy?
Me: Yes please.

Em:  Ok, well there was a bunny rabbit who was very lonely, so I gave him a bucket but he didn't want it, so I gave it to a elephant and he kept it for ages and ages.  And the zoo keepers said "where did you get that bucket" and the elephant said "From Ember, oh thank you Ember for my bucket".

me: What happened to the bunny rabbit?
Em: Oh, he died.  But then the big fat doctor fixed him and he was alive again!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Hedgehog Soup?

Driving home this afternoon, I said to Em:

Me: I'm going to make soup for dinner, do you want to help me make it when we get home?
Em: Um, yep, I'll help you.
(just then I saw a hedgehog on the footpath)
Me: Oh look!
Em: What was it?
Me: A hedgehog.
Em: Oh, he's lonely!  I think he's going back to his home.
Me: I think he's probably not feeling very well.  Hedgehogs usually only come out at night; when they come out in the day time it usually means they aren't feeling very well.
Em: Well try not to squash him with the car Mummy, otherwise he will go up and be a star.  He'll be died.
Me: It's ok, I didn't squash him.
Em: Good.  You can make soup then.  If you squashed him, then you doesn't get to make soup.
Me: Oh really? Who says?
Em: That's the deal.
Me: Whose deal?
Em: It's my deal.

On the other hand, if I'd wanted to make hedgehog soup... ;)

Friday, June 1, 2012

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Pat Man!

Ember has been thinking about superheroes a lot recently, although I'm not sure why.  We've also been having a lot of conversations about my dad, "Grandad Pat", who died when I was 14.  We aren't religious so in finding a way to explain death to Ember I said that when people (or animals) die, they go up into the sky to be stars.  Ember knows that her Grandad Pat is a star, and has a little canvas square of photos of him that Mum got done for me recently.  Anyway, the two topics came together in a very funny way the other night, when out of the blue she said:

Em: Mummy.  You know my Grandad who's in the sky being a star?
Me: Yes, you mean Grandad Pat?
Em: Yes Grandad Pat.  Well, what was Grandad Pat doing when he got died?
Me: I'm not sure what you mean sweety.
Em: Well, was he fighting the naughty kids?

I'm sure Dad would prefer to keep that as the explanation for now!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Watch out for Wa[s]ps

 One of the lovely things about our new bathroom is that we have a bath.  Ember and I quite often have a bath together now (which really wasn't possible in the old paddling-pool-in-the-bottom-of-the-shower setup!)  It's one of my favourite times of day, because Ember and I always have fantastic conversations spanning all sorts of topics.

This evening in the bath, the conversation turned to bees...

Em: If you hurt bees they will sting you ay. You don’t hit bees coz they will sting you ay.
Me: Yes, and what happens if they sting you?
Em: Um, died.  But wops don’t die, ay. Wops will sting and sting and sting you and they nasty wops.  But Shea and... Sebby and Shea... Me and Shea and... Me and Sebby get that wops and make it dead of meat.
Me: Dead of meat?
Em: Yep and it says (high voice) “Oh no, I’m dead of meat and I’m going to just lie here forever. But if Sebby and Ember are in the house, and Shea comes home I will sting him and he will go OWWWWWWW!!” Wops will sting you if you hit them and if you gentle them.  You don't gentle wops.  But I gentle bees. Bees is nice and they got yellow stripes and I gentle them.
Me: Well, you shouldn't touch bees or wasps because they might think you're trying to hurt them and sting you.
Em: Yes! Bees has yellow stripes and they are nice ones.
Me: You shouldn't touch them sweety because they might sting you and that would really hurt.
Em: Ok, I won't touch them.  And I won't hurt you Mummy.
Me: Thanks!

A bit later we got onto her birthday list.  It was going to be a Christmas list, but I pointed out that her birthday came before Christmas.

Em: Um, I want a tractor. And a truck.  Just pretend toy ones, not big ones.
Me: Ok.
Em: And a dinosaur toy!
Me: Right.
Em: And a dass!
Me: A what?
Em: A dass!
Me: I don't know what that is.
Em: It's a dass and it's like a little bird. Or a elephant.
Me: I still don't know what it is.
Em: And I want a shower that goes over the door and the water comes out of.
Me: We've got a shower, there.
Em: No, a little one.
Me: How little?
Em: This little (holding her fingers very slightly apart)
Me: You mean a toy one?  Like for your dolls house?
Em: Yes, and a plastic doll for the shower.

Nana - take your pick!  I think you should get her a dass.

If only her subjects were more obedient...

For some time now I've thought that Ember might be destined for a career in teaching, given her love of telling people what to do and organising things the way she likes them.  However, more recently I suspect that she may be more suited to leading a dictatorship.

For example, every night Ember has either a sandwich or a cracker in bed.  She has them the same way every time, but whoever is entrusted with sandwich or cracker duty has to listen to the whole schpiel before being dismissed. E.G:
Me: Goodnight
Em: But Mummy I'm huuuuuuuungry
Me: Sandwich or cracker?
Em: Ummmm. Cracker. NO WAIT! (pause) Sandwich.
Me: OK (go to leave)
Em: No, wait! I got to tell you!
Me: I know what you want.
Em: No, stop Mummy, listen to my words that I'm saying to you.
Me: Fine...
Em: I want a sandwich with 40 butter and the whole sandwich -
Me: (heading for the door) yep, I know...
Em: Stop! I need to tell you! I want a sandwich with the whole sandwich and the whole butter, 50 butter and the sandwich like THAT (claps hands together).
Me: (staying, waiting)
Em: Like THAT (clap. Long pause) That's all! Go and get my sandwich now ok!

This evening she was playing with my iPad and went into the DrawSomething app.  She managed to buy a new colour pack (shades of green, surprise, surprise) and kept calling me over to show me as she drew with each one.  I was trying to do some work, but went to look each time (the things we do).  The last time I thought I may as well stay...
Em: Mummy look! I got another green! I like new colours they are fun and fun and fun.  That's my job, getting new colours.  Look what I drawed!
Me: (coming over) That looks cool.  I like the colours.
(I sit down next to her. She looks at me for a moment then points at the computer...)
Em: Will you go and work now over there please?

It's nice to feel appreciated...

Thankfully it does seem to work the other way sometimes too.  I was explaining why I wasn't going to get Ember a chocolate milk when we stopped for petrol, and on the brink of a tantrum Ember stopped herself and said: "Ok Mummy, I'll listen to your words."

Saturday, May 19, 2012

The Trampoline Song

Ember and I were on the trampoline (it's a Springfree model, which I can highly recommend!) this afternoon, jumping together while holding hands (yes, this is what we do). Ember started singing an original song, which she was also able to repeat later on request. It's not quite the same without the tune, but these were the lyrics:

Em: Mummy is a grown up
And I'm nearly a grown up
And I'll be a big girl like Mummy
And daddies will break the trampoline
And Hannahs doesn't break the trampoline
And Hannah is a big girl too.
Tabasco jumps up super really higher
And Pocoyo is my cat.

I think it's destined to be a hit!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A cow in cows' clothing

On our way into work/Preschool yesterday morning, we were just about over the boundary into Hamilton when Ember piped up in tones of great excitement from the back seat:

Em: Mummy!  Do you know what I saw?!  There were cows!
Me: Yes, there were!
Em: And the cows were wearing cow coats!
Me: Well, I think that was just the colour of the cows.
Em: No, they was wearing cow coats, they was wearing black and white cow coats because the cows were a bit chilly.
Me: They might have been, but those cows are called Fresians, and their coats are black and white.  I mean, they aren't wearing coats, their hair is just that colour.  Like Tabasco is woolly and apricot coloured.
Em: I has a cow at my green house.  And my cow is a bit chilly so he's wearing a cow suit, I give it to him.  I give him a cow suit because he's a bit chilly Mummy.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Shoot the girls (and make them cry)

We've been up at Nana Jay's house this weekend and had a lovely time.  This evening after arriving back home though, we have had a host of classic Emberisms!

Our local library moves the well-loved, slightly scratched kid's DVDs into the 'free' section, and Ember loves choosing herself a DVD as well as some books when we go to the library.  Last time she chose "The Saddle Club" movie, and decided she wanted to watch it this evening.  There was one bit where two of the girls were busking, doing a little song and dance routine to raise money for the pony club.
Em:  Look, they doing a dance!
Me: Yes, they're busking.
Em: That's a nice dance isn't it?
Me: Yep.
Em: They are clever girls.  Look, here come the people!
Me: Yes.
Em: They will be nice to the girls and watching them dance?
Me: Yes, they might give them some money.
Em: They not going to shoot them?
Me: (laughing) No, they're not!
Em: They going to be nice to them and not shoot them away?

I think (I hope) she means 'shoo' them away :)

Ember was in the bath tonight and I can't remember why but she started talking about royalty...
Em:  I'll be the princess and you can be the... no, I'll be the king... The princess is belongs to the king and... No, Daddy is the king and you can be the queen.
Me: Ok, and are you the princess?
Em: No!
Me: Who are you then?
Em: I'm the people.  And the people will wave the flag.
Me: Oh, is that what the people do?
Em: Yes, at your wedding and the queen marries the king.  The people wave the flag and you be married.

A bit later she grabbed one of her rubber bath ducks and squeezed the water out of it, then put it against her tummy so it sucked on. She thrust her chest out and looked at me and said "Look, I'm a hero!"

One more to share from the other night - we had a tired tantrumy night which switched from screaming and crying to cuddles and apologies every five minutes (literally!)  During one crying session, in which my crime was getting her to put her pyjamas on, she sobbed at me "Mummy, you've completely ruined my day!"  I couldn't help but laugh, although I don't think that helped the situation particularly!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Hannah (Banana, not Montana)

I went back to bed for a rest at lunchtime, being a bit tired after driving Hannah to the airport the previous night (four hour round trip plus stopping time at the airport, arriving home just after midnight).  As usual I had about 3 minutes and 45 seconds of peace before someone came to join me.

Em: What are you doing Mummy?
Me: I'm just trying to have a little sleep sweety.
Em: I need to has a sleep too.
Me: Why don't you go and watch your DVD with daddy?
Em: No, I doesn't got to watch that DVD.
Me: Why not?
Em: I don't like it! I need to have a little sleep, like you Mummy.
(gets up into the bed with much grunting, kicking, shaking the bed etc.  Settles down under covers next to me. Pause, for about 5 seconds).
Em: Why is you tired Mummy?
Me: I had to drive Hannah to the airport last night, and it was a long way so I didn't get home till really late.
Em: Hannah was knocking at the door this morning?
Me: No, that was the courier man.  He had a parcel for Krisia and Sarah in the front house.
Em: Oh.  Where is Hannah? Is she in her bed?
Me: No, she's on an aeroplane.  She's probably nearly in Hong Kong by now.
Em: But why is she in Honko? She needs to be in her room!
Me: No, remember, Hannah has gone back to England now.
Em: But why?
Me: That's her home, it's where she lives.
Em: But I like her!
Me: I know Em, she's going to try to come back and see us again soon, but she lives in England. That's where her mummy and daddy and sisters are.
Em: Hmmph. (gets off the bed and stomps towards the door) She doesn't got to live in Ingerland. Her bed is in her room in Raglan.  She lives in RAGLAN, NOT INGERLAND!

So, Hannah, you've been told!  It does remind me of when we were leaving England to return to New Zealand, and on being told the news, Hannah's little sister Freya said "Well I think that's a rubbish idea!"  Obviously, the MacDoualls need to move here...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Imaginary Sibling

For a long time Ember has been talking about 'my green house'.  It's a convenient little device she uses for things such as:

Em: I had a chocolate egg!
Me: Yum, lucky you.  Did you save me any?
Em: (pause) Yep, I got one for you at my green house.

There are all sorts of things at Ember's green house including babies, dogs, cats, lollies (sweets), cars and aeroplanes.  But the most recent addition to the green house is Ember's big sister, Alicia.  I should point out at this point that Ember is an only child, and I don't know anyone called Alicia, nor can I think of any stories we read or shows she watches that have an 'Alicia' in them.  I can't remember the first context in which Alicia cropped up, but she has occurred in a few conversations now, entirely self-prompted by Ember.
Me: Who's Alicia?
Em: My sister.
Me: I didn't think you had a sister.
Em: Yep, I does, she lives at my green house.
Me: Where did you hear the name Alicia from?
Em: From my sister.
Me: Yes, but where else? Do you know someone else called Alicia? Is there someone at Preschool called Alicia?
Em: Nope.
Me: Where did you get Alicia from then?
Em: From my work. My sister, Alicia.
Me: How old is your sister?
Em: Um. Five.
Me: Does she go to school?
Em: Yep, she goes to Raglan Claba School*
Me: Well where does she live?
Em: In my green house.  She's at my green house now.  We got a cat and a dog, we got two dogs, the girl dog is nice and the boy dog is naughty. The girl dog is called Mella and the boy dog is called Robot.
Me: What about the cat?
Em: The cat is nice. Her name is Flower.

*We live in Raglan, and the Raglan Club has a car the same as ours.  I suspect this is the origin of Alicia's school!

Alicia has come up a few times now, and each time I get the same response to age, school, etc.  I suppose if you can have an invisible friend, why not an invisible sibling?!

Here are a couple of other recent Emberisms worth a mention:

Ember making her two toy cows 'talking' to each other:
Cow 1: I got to go poos
Cow 2: No you doesn't, cows don't do poos, they do milk!

In the bath (playing with a plastic seahorse after having her hair treated for lice (again)):
Em: When I was a baby seahorse, I eated some nitties and they made me get all yucky and I was a pink seahorse.  But I was a green seahorse and the nitties made me yucky and turn pink.  But then the fairy come and she turn me back into a green seahorse again!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

A Very Dangerous Spoon

Ember and I were having breakfast in the lounge this morning.  At her request, Ember was having "Seventy rice bubbles with too much milk" sitting in her Winnie the Pooh chair which has a little table attached.  I sat down on the couch behind her, happening to find another teaspoon nestled under a cushion, so I put it next to Ember's chair so I'd remember to take it out to the kitchen.

Em: (finding the other spoon) Who is this spoon?
Me: No-ones
Em: But whose is it? Who is using it?
Me: Nobody, it's a spare one I found on the couch.
Em: Shall I use it?
Me: If you like.
Em:  Ok, I will use this spoon and you can put this one (her spoon) on the couch.
Me: Ok
Em: But be careful, that spoon's been chewed with Ember breath.
Me: What?
Em: I was just using it for my rice bubbles so it's got Ember breath on it.  Don't touch the breath Mummy!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Career goals...

For a while now Ember has said she wants to be a doctor when she grows up.  This has mostly been since her own hospital experiences, and mostly because she wants 'a cool eye machine like Dr Rosser'.  Last time someone asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up she replied "A doctor and a tiger."  Occasionally it has been teacher, which I blame on Nana Jay.

The other day though, she came out with something completely out of the blue on her own when we were sitting in the car waiting for Simon.

Em: When I grows up, I doesn't want to be a doctor any more Mummy.
Me: Oh, ok.  What do you think you want to be instead?
Em: Um, a mummy!
Me: That's a nice idea.  How many children are you going to have?
Em: Um, five!
Me: Boys or girls?
Em: Both.
Me: How many of each are you going to have?
Em: Um, five!
Me: So you're going to have five girls and five boys?
Em: Yep.
Me: So you're going to have ten children all together?
Em: Um, yep!
Me: What are their names going to be?
Em: Robot. And Rosie. Robot's a boy and Rosie's a girl.  And they is friends.  Robot is nice to Rosie.
Me: Ok, what about the others?

With a bit of humming and haa-ing, she eventually came up with the following list of names, entirely on her own - the girls' names were Rosie, Flower, Mella, Maida and Cake, and the boys' names were Robot, Porridge, Roast Beef, Robot Again and Bed.

I think she's going to be very busy!

Warning - contains toilet talk!

Ember toilet-trained a little later than some of her peers, partly because she just didn't show any signs of readiness and partly because she had a pretty major illness in September last year, which I haven't blogged about yet, but might another time.  Anyway, a little while ago I decided enough was enough and while changing Ember's nappy I said "Ugh, that's it! No more nappies!"  Ember looked at me and said "Are there no more nappies Mummy?"  "Uh, yeah, that's right, there are no more nappies." I replied.  "So do you want to put on some knickers?"  I held my breath but she just said "Yep, ok!".

We had accidents all that day, and a couple the next, but with a combination of over-the-top wees celebrations, and jelly bean bribery, by day three she was an expert and we've really had no puddles since.  However, "number twos" have been much more of a struggle.  Like many kids, the idea of sitting on the loo for longer than necessary and putting in the effort required for "twos" didn't appeal to Ember, so she got in the habit of waiting till bedtime when she had a night nappy on.  The added bonus of this (for her) was that once stories were read, the calendar day was 'ticked' and the other sleep delaying tactics exhausted (pun intended), she could then summon an unwilling parent with a cry of 'Mummy, I've got poos!"

Speaking of bribery, there was a great moment in the FourSquare when we were buying a bag of jelly beans as reward for going to the toilet.  A lady behind us in the queue was talking to Ember and said "Ohh, they look nice, can I have one?"  Ember laughed and grabbed them back, saying "no!".  The lady said "They look yummy - what are they?" Ember replied "Poos and wees lollies" which both puzzled and amused all onlookers!

Since bribery worked so well in the initial stages, I've been trying to convince Em to complete her toilet training by promising to buy her the Scooby Doo toy she was desperate to have in a shop a few weeks ago, if she can do poos in the toilet all the time.  We had a couple of successes, and I think at one point she asked "Can I have a Scooby Doo now?"  My reply was something like "Only when there are no more poos in your nappy."  Apparently I should have been more specific as shortly after that she stopped going altogether and lasted nearly a week, despite twice-a-day doses of lactulose for the last three days.  I finally said to her "Please just go poos Ember, you're going to have a really sore tummy!  I don't care if you go on the potty or in your nappy, just go!"  She looked at me all confused and said "But you said poos in nappies wasn't allowed" and I felt like the worst mother in the world!  At least the 'drought was broken' after that.

Anyway, all of that is leading up to a little conversation we had last night, after I came in to change the second nappy of the evening.  Quite often Ember wants something to eat in bed (a habit we accidentally got into and haven't been able to break) and this evening she said to me.

Em: When you finished getting away the poos, you can go and wash your hands and get me a sandwich.

Yes Ma'am!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Man's best... Investment?

Ember is crazy about animals, particularly dogs and cats. Whenever we come across people walking their dogs (which is fairly regularly as we live by the beach) she wants to stop and say hello. After constant pleading to "be gentle" with our cat, who joined the family when Ember was two, Em refers to patting an animal as "gentling". It's a nice verb :) I have also been reinforcing with Ember that she can't just go running up to dogs, she has to find out who the owner is and ask them if she can pat (gentle) their dog.

Yesterday while wandering through town, we saw a couple sitting outside a cafe with a cocker spaniel.
Em: Can I gentle your dog?
Man: Yes, he's lovely and soft isn't he?
Em: What's his name?
Man: Cesky, see (shows her the dog's collar) That says "Cesky"
Em: Where did you get him from?
Man: From the pet shop.
Em: What did you pay for him?
Man: (laughing) About $400 dollars. That's a lot isn't it? (to me) She asks all the right questions doesn't she?!

Quote of the day

Ember: (struggling to climb off my lap) Mummy I can't get down coz I got these crazy pants on!

She is wearing a skirt.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Best Frenemies

Ember has a best buddy at creche called Aidan.  They became fast friends at Toddlers, but Aidan is a couple of months older so moved up to Preschool earlier than Ember.  Absence seems to have 'made the heart grow fonder' in this instance at least, as now that Ember is at Preschool too, they are back to their old ways.  There is occasional heart break when they are being too silly together and have to be separated, but generally they play quite nicely.

However, being three, there is always occasion for tears, and one such occasion happened yesterday.

Me: Did you have a good day at Preschool?
Em: (smiling and seeming fine) No! I had a bad day Mummy.
Me: Why, what happened?
Em: Aidan said "Poo poo bum bum"!
Me: Oh dear..!

I mentioned this to Yvette, one of the teachers, and apparently she had had a similar conversation with Ember earlier in the afternoon:

Em: Aidan said "poo poo bum bum" to me!
Yv: Well, you konw what to do. You need to say "Aidan, I don't like it when you call me that.  Please stop it."
Em: I did say and he won't stop, he keeps saying "poo poo bum bum" to me.
Yv:  Then maybe you need to go and find someone else to play with.
Em: But I want to play with Aidan!

Apparently the rest of the afternoon went something like this:
A: Poo poo bum bum!
Em: No, Aidan I don't like it!
A: Poo poo bum bum!
Em: (crys, runs away for a little while, comes back)
A: Poo poo bum bum!

Repeat, ad nauseum.

It's just lucky my Dad isn't still around as, hearing this story, the first thing he would say to Ember on seeing her would be "Poo poo bum bum"!

Know your place Mummy!

This would be quite a short post, but I need to provide some context for my non-New Zealand friends.  If you're a Kiwi, feel free to skip to the conversation ;)

In New Zealand we have three main supermarket chains - Pak 'n' Save, Countdown and New World  (until recently we had Foodtown as well, but I think they've all become Countdown now).  There are superette chains like 4Square as well, but those three are the main ones.  Pak 'n' Save, as it's name suggests, is all about low prices - they are big concrete warehouse type buildings and shopping there is generally a bit of a scrum. You have to pay for bags, bring your own bags, or dive for the cardboard boxes as the floor staff bring them out.  For UK friends, it's a bit like the Asda of New Zealand, but not as posh :)  Countdown and New World are more like Sainsburys - a bit of a nicer shopping experience and slightly greater choice (plus they pack your bags for you), but you pay a little more for the privilege.

So there's your context.  Anyway, Ember and I had taken Hannah in to the Hamilton bus station on Sunday and I decided to take the opportunity to go to the supermarket.

Em: Where are we going now Mummy?
Me: To the supermarket.
Em: But I don't want to go to the supermarket! That's not a good idea.
Me: We need to get some food and things.
Em: I will wait in the car.
Me: You can't wait in the car Em, I'll be a long time.
Em:  That's ok, I wait for a long time.
Me: You're not allowed to wait in the car by yourself for a long time.  You can choose which supermarket we go to if you like.  Should we go to Pak 'n' Save, New World or Countdown?
Em:  Um, well... Countdown is pretty amazing, but I think we have to go to Pak 'n' Save.

I'm not sure what she was implying... :)

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Ember Out-Embered

We popped down to one of our local bars the other night for a drink with friends.  Ember is great to take out at the moment (a remarkable change from a few months ago when it was nearly impossible) as she gets straight into the toy box (we only go places with toy boxes) and starts making up little imaginary games with whatever toys are available.  Anyway, this particular evening there were two families having dinner there as well, and the kids came over to check out Ember and the toys.  The older girl, G, who was "five-and-a-half" was exactly how I imagine Ember will be when she gets to that age.  Ember immediately fell in hero-worship with G, and they had a great time playing together.  G also had some big conversations with us, including giving Hannah the new name of 'Nailpolish', and me the new name of 'Watchy' (because I have a cool watch, not because I'm some kind of creepy stalker!)

But my favourite conversation of the night went like this:

G:  I've eaten a pig's bum.
Me: Have you?  I haven't.  I don't eat pigs.
G:  What about ham?
Me: No, I don't eat ham.  I don't eat any animals.
G:  What about cows?
Me: No.
G: What about chickens?
Me: No, no animals at all.
G:  Well, you just don't really eat anything then, do you?!
Me: (laughing) I eat lots of things! Fruit, and vegetables, tofu, chickpeas, rice, pasta...
G: But not pigs?
Me: No.
G: And not cows?
Me: No.
G: (in what was obviously 'Mum's' voice) Fussy, fussy, fussy, fussy...

Ember spent most of the rest of the night coming up to me and saying "You eat pigs' bums!"

Monday, March 26, 2012

Best friends (Maaaaa...)

This evening while getting ready for bed, Ember said to me:

Em: Are you my friend Mummy?
Me: Yes, you're my best friend in the whole world.
Em: You're my second friend in the world. Daddy's my best friend.
Me: Is he? Why is Daddy your best friend?
Em: Because he's my moon friend, and you're my star friend. (pause) And Hannah's my goat.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Oh the humanity!

On the way home from work/Toddlers today, we had this little gem of a conversation:

Me: Do you know who's coming with us tomorrow?
Em: Who?
Me: Tabasco (our dog) - he's going to get a haircut.
Em: So he can get all fluffly?
Me: Well, no, so he can get less fluffy really.
Em: (pause) But he doesn't like to get cut, it might ouch him.
Me: He's not going to get cut, just his hair.
Em: Like you cut my hair?
Me: Yep.
Em: You cut my hair and I got brown hair.  You got brown hair like me Mummy!
Me: Yes, sort of.  I need to give you another hair cut don't I?
Em: (silence)
Me: It's either a hair cut or pigtails every day, what would you prefer?
Em: (decidedly) A hair cut.
Me: But you look so cute with pigtails!
Em: No, it hurts me when you do those pigtails.
Me: No it doesn't.
Em: Yes, you go wrap and wrap and wrap and wrap and it hurts me, it really hurts me.
Me: It's not that bad.
Em: Yes it does Mummy, so you don't got to make me sad and crying!
Me: Oh, well sorry!
Em: Don't talk to me now Mummy, I need a little rest.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Caves - thankfully bear-free

We visited the Waitomo Caves on Sunday (readers of the previous post will be pleased to note that there were no bears, and we did not see any spiders). Ember was very good, even though a lot of the adventure involved two things she isn't very keen on - the dark and being quiet.

After both tours (glow worm cave and Ruakuri Cave) and a total of about 2 and a half hours underground, we went back into Waitomo to a cafe and said to Ember:

Me: Did you like the caves Ember?
Em: Yep!
Me: what was your favourite part?
Em: ummm... The outside bit.

Perhaps not a future spelunker!

Saturday, March 17, 2012

If karma doesn't get you, the spiders will...

We are taking Hannah to Waitomo Caves tomorrow, and although I had told Ember we were going to see the glow worms, I don't think I had mentioned the caves themselves.  Tonight, while I was trying to encourage her to go to sleep, we had the following conversation:

Me: Come on Em, you need to go to sleep; we're getting up early tomorrow to go to the caves.
Em: (gasps) Caves?  Will there be bears in there?
Me: No, no bears.  Just glow worms.
Em: Will there be spiders?
Me: There will be spiders, but we probably won't see them.
Em: And they will hurt us?
Me: No, they won't hurt us. You probably won't even see them.
Em: They will hide from us?
Me: Yes.
Em: They will be hiding in the little birthday cave?
Me: Ummmm... yes (why not?!)
Em: And we can't go in that little birthday cave?
Me: No.
Em: Because the spiders will hurt us and kill us if we go in there?
Me: No, spiders don't usually hurt people at all.
Em: Just naughty people? Spiders don't hurt good girls, just naughty people?
Me: Uh, sure.
Em: Jake is a naughty people.
Me: Is he?*
Em: Yes, he is. The spiders are going to hurt him soon.
Me: I don't think they will.
Em: Yes, they will.  The spiders will hurt Jake. But not me. I'm a good girl.

Hmmm, somewhat debatable at times I feel!

*Jake (name changed!!) is a very cute but somewhat mischievous boy from creche.  We hear lots of stories about how naughty Jake is, but Ember also seems to enjoy playing with him. I think he'll go a long way, because his grin is too cute to stay cross with him for long!

Friday, March 16, 2012

Spidermans and Butterflies

Earlier this week I picked Ember up from creche and discovered that she had her face painted like Spiderman. To my knowledge, Ember has never seen Spiderman but probably decided it looked cool after seeing one of the other kids similarly decorated.

Me: Oh look, I haven't got an Ember to pick up, I've got a Spiderman!
Em: I'm Spiderman RARR
Me: I didn't know Spiderman said RARR
Em: Yep, they does. Spidermans says RARRR! RARRR! RAARRRR! (at various other children and parents)

Later, in the car.
Em: I'm hungry Mummy.  Spidermans need treats.
Me: What does Spiderman eat?
Em: Spidermans eat spiders!  RARR!
Me: Do they now?
Em: Yes, they does.  They eat spiders and the spiders come along and the Spidermans eat them all up.  But only lolly spiders.  I like lolly spiders. I got spiders at my house, I got spiders at my new green house and they is lolly spiders and I eat them all up. I can't see those spiders.
Si: I can (I have a car spider.  It's friendly so far though)
Em: Oh, yep, there it is.  I has to eat it now.
Me: Is is a real spider or a lolly spider?
Em: Um, a lolly spider.  I see that spider and it's in my tummy now.  It's in my tummy now Mama.
Me: Oh, good.

Later, walking back up the hill from the dog park.
Em: Look at that butterfly!
Me: It's pretty isn't it?
Em: Can I chase it?
Me: No, it's on the other side of the road and there's no footpath. You can't run over there to chase it.
Em: Ohhh. But please Mummy.
Me: No, you can't go on the road!
Em: But Spidermans chase butterflies. They does. Spidermans has to chase butterflies.
Me: I thought Spiderman chased bad guys.  Naughty people.
Em: Um, yep, they does, Spidermans chase naughty people AND butterflies.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Conversations in the car...

We currently have a friend from London staying, Hannah, who can now attest to the accuracy of this blog!  We have just returned from a trip to Kerikeri where we hung out with Gran and Brian, and Hannah also went on a bus trip up to Cape Reinga.  A lovely time was had by all, and we are now back in Auckland for a couple of days before heading home to Raglan.  We've had a few funny conversations over the course of the car journey - here is a selection of ones I can remember.

On our way North, Hannah commented that there weren't as many sheep as she had been expecting.  I explained that there are fewer up North, but that she would see plenty during her stay in New Zealand.
Me: I'll have to take you to Rotorua to see the sheep show at the Agrodome.
Em: Can I come to the sheep show?
Me: Yes.
Em: Is there a witch in it?
Me: Uh, no, it's not that kind of show.  It's just about sheep.
Em: Do they kill them?
Me: No!
Em: Why?
Me: It's not that kind of show!


In Orewa, after stretching our legs at the playground and refuelling the car and ourselves, Ember must have decided Hannah was looking dehydrated:

Em: Would you like some of my juice Hannah?
Han: Thank you Ember, but I'm ok.
Em: Have you got a drink?
Han: No, but I'm all right
Em: Have some juice, here (passes juice forcefully forward)
Han: Thanks Em, that's very kind
Em: You got to take the lid off.
Han: Yes, I will.
Em: Don't drink it all!

I wonder where this bossy streak comes from... :)


Coming out of Waitangi today:

Me: Do you need to go wees?
Em: Nope.
Me: Well, when we get to Paihea you have to go all right?
Em: Why?
Me: We've got a long way to go.
Em: But why does I got to do wees?
Me: Otherwise you might go in your car seat and that would be yucky.
Em: I won't Mummy.  The wees will stay in my willy.
Me: You haven't got a willy sweetheart.
Em: What is it where my wees are?
Me: Your vagina.
Em: Bagina. Bagina.  I got a bagina.  Have you got a bagina Mummy?
Me: Yes.
Em: And boys got a willy?
Me: Yes, but it's called a penis.
Em: Penis? Why?
Me: It's the proper name for a willy.
Em: Oh. What's the Maori word for bagina?
Me: Um... I have no idea! (anyone know??)

Friday, February 24, 2012

Bits and Pieces

I haven't posted for a while so I've collected a whole lot of little bits in my head I've been meaning to post about.  Rather than spam up the Facebook news feed with multiple posts, I thought I'd put them all into one...

You may have noticed that Ember likes cats. And the number five.  Well this snippet has all this and more!
Em: I got five cats at my house.
Me: Do you? What are their names?
Em: Um, Catty... Diggy... Rosty... Buddy... and ... Ember.  And the other one is Mummy Michael Daddy.


At Nick's birthday party, where a lot of people were camping on the lawn.
Em: (highly excited) Look! It's a tent!
Me: Yes, it is.
Em: And then the night comes...


When I picked Ember up from Toddlers yesterday she was very excited as they had been to Preschool to play, and her best buddy has recently moved up to Preschool.
Em: Mummy! We went to Preschool and I saw Aidan my favourite Slade!


At Toddlers today, Ember said (very carefully and deliberately) to Angela, one of the teachers:
Em: My Mummy AND my Daddy are going to pick me up today, because my Daddy is going to school and he's going to learn how to be a teacher.
Ang: That's good isn't it?  Is he going to be your teacher?
Em: (highly disdainful) No!  He got to go to his own work!


After popping in to my work in the morning and seeing Sarah:
Em: We seed Sarah didn't we Mummy?
Me: Yes, we did.
Em: She's my best kid in the whole world!


In the car pool the other day, Ember was getting Jo to read her stories (as usual).  Jo had gotten a bit tired of the old selection so I'd put a new lot in for her, one of which was "My Cat likes to Hide in Boxes".  Reading it wasn't exactly straightforward however...
Jo: "The cat from France likes to sing and dance..."
Em: My cat likes to sing and dance. My Pocoyo cat. She dances and I dance with her and I pick her up and we dance. And sing. My cat can sing too.
Jo: Ok... "The cat from Spain flew an aeroplane..."
Em: My cat flies an aeroplane.
Jo: Who? Pocoyo?
Em: Yes, she does. She flies in a aeroplane. I give it to her. It's a green one and she fly it.  Not Tabasco though. He doesn't go in my Pocoyo cat's plane.
Jo: No.
Em: No, he's too big and he breaks it.  But I buyed him a plane too and he flied it.
Jo: Really?
Em: Yep, I did.  My Pocoyo cat flied in a aeroplane and I went for a ride and I flied it.  And Tabasco. In a different plane.
Me: What about Jon? Does he have a plane?
Em: Nope.
Jo: Oh, poor Jon.
Em:  But I will buy him one.  I will.  I will get you a plane Jon.
Jon: Thank you Ember, that's very kind!
Jo: "The cat from Norway got stuck in the doorway..."
Em: Hmmm. My cat is NOT big and fat in the door.

New Ambers for Ember

Ember sometimes gets confused when people have the same name as other people.  She quite often checks up as to whether it's the 'same' person or a 'different' one, which can be amusing in itself.  The other day though, she changed it to 'new' and 'old'.  I was on the phone to my friend Amber, and when I hung up, we had this conversation:

Em: Was that the old Amber?
Me: What?
Em: Was that a old Amber or a new Amber?
Me: It was the same Amber.
Em: Oh. (pause) Why?
Me: Why what?
Em: Why was it not a new Amber?
Me: Because I like Amber, I don’t need a new one.
Em: (pause) I’ve got a new Amber.  I’ve got five of them.  They’re called babies. I got five new baby Ambers.
Me: Do you?
Em: Yes, you pat them coz they’re called cats. They’re baby cats.  (pause) They’re here in my basket. You got, I give you a baby cat in my sticker book.  Do you want that one Mummy?
Me: (pause)...Um, I’m not sure...

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Another Simonism

Simon was looking for his phone this evening as we had both heard it do its 'message chirrup' but couldn't work out where it was.

Me: Shall I ring it?
Si: No, it's ok, I'm sure it will turn up.
Me: I'll ring it.

I ring his phone and it starts buzzing away underneath the television.

Si:  Here it is.  (checks screen) Oh, did you call me?
Me: Uh, yeah - just then!

Monday, January 30, 2012

Bucket of Bolts!

We were all watching television this evening, just before packing the kid off to bed.  I can't remember what I said that started the conversation off as the subsequent conversation wiped everything else from my memory!

Si: (to me) You're a bit odd.
Me: (pointing at Ember) She's a bit odd!
Em: Don't call me a name! I'm not bit odd. (pause) Bucket of bolts!
Me: What?
Em: Bucket of bolts!
Me: Who says that?
Em: Me. It was my voice.
Si: But where did you get it from?
Em: I get my voice in my mouth. From the ----shop (it was a 'something' shop we couldn't quite hear)
Si: From the what? The bucket shop?
Em: No, from the f**k shop.
Me: (quietly dies of laughter in the corner)
Si: Oh, is that right? Is that where voices come from?
Em: Yep, you go in and ask the people and they put it in your mouth and you say 'Hello'.
Si: Right.
Em: Bucket of bolts!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

The Eff Word...

It comes to most parents, and has come to us too.  Our darling angelic child (erhem) has learned the 'f' word (yes, the one you are thinking of).  I blame Simon and he, while admitting guilt, feels I am not without blame either.  She says it with conviction and perfect, deliberate annunciation,and usually in an appropriate context. It can be very hard not to laugh, but as ignoring it has not erased from Em's vocabulary, I have had to explain that it's not a nice word and we don't say that. It's not entirely worked as yet..!

Some classic instances:

In bed, after I had finished reading stories and was tucking her in.
Em: F**k, f**k, f**k.  I'm just saying f**k to my sheets Mummy.

In the bath the other night, apropos of nothing.
Em: F**k. F**k. F**k.  Spagiddy*. Humbug.

That was one of the times it was very hard not to laugh! (*Spagiddy, emphasis on the 'spag', is how Ember says spaghetti).

Today, in a (mercifully quiet) cafe, after I spilled her fluffy.
Em: Oh f**k. 
Me: Ember.
Em: We don't say f**k, aye Mummy.  We don't say f**k.  I won't say 'f**k' ok Mummy?  I won't say 'f**k'.
Me: No.
Em: It's not nice to say f**k, aye Mummy.
Me: Well stop saying it then!

Bless them. Hmm.

Silly Mummy

We stayed at a friend's house last night and about 10 minutes after settling Ember I popped back in to check on her. She was still awake so I said:

Me: Are you ok sweety?
Em: what Mummy?
Me: are you ok?
Em: yep, I'm ok.

I gave her a quick cuddle, and while I was lying there she said:

Em: are you staying in here for a little bit?
Me: no, I'm going back out to the lounge in a minute.
Em: Mummy, why did you come into my room?
Me: Just to check on you.
Em: well you shouldn't come in when girls are going to sleep, you got to leave them alone or they will wake up and be running around all over the place.
Me: I'm sorry, would you like me to leave you alone?
Em: yes and don't come in.

It's not like normally she doesn't call for me or Si whenever she goes to bed!!

We've recently (almost) mastered potty training and I frequently ask her 'do you need to go to the toilet? Are you sure? Do you want to come and try?' and now frequently get the response "Mummy I already say no, don't ask me five times or six times!". Simon and I have both also been guilty of telling her the same information more than once and been told "you already say that to me you don't need to tell it again!"

I feel she might be a fun teenager... :)

Friday, January 13, 2012

Swimming pools

Ember was in the bath the other night, and I was supposed to be washing her hair.  We had such a great conversation that I had to stop and note it down before I forgot.  It was even better than what I managed to note down, but I think I got the gist of it.

Em: (completely out of the blue) Have we got a swimming pool in our fridge?
Me: ... um... no?
Em: We already did it?
Me: I'm not sure what you mean...
Em: We already use the swimming pool?
Me: We've got a blow-up swimming pool in the cupboard, but we haven't used it yet.  It hasn't been sunny enough, and we don't want to get it out while there's so much building stuff around.
Em: Oh, but please!
Me: Emma's got her swimming pool up, remember? Maybe on the weekend we can go and have a swim in her pool.
Em: Let's go now!
Me: Well, we can't go now.
Em: Why?
Me: It's bed time.  Emma will be in bed.
Em: No, not now, when we get our stuff. We get our stuff and it turns into a puppy and he jumps into my arms and says 'woof woof!'.  And I take him to Toddlers and everyone gentle him and they say "he a nice puppy" and they all love him.

I have no idea.