Monday, December 26, 2011

Melodrama Queen

After putting Em to bed tonight, I heard a plaintive little voice...

Em: Mummy, I need a cuddle.
Me: ok, just a quick one, I'm cooking dinner.
Em: five minutes (everything is five at the moment!)

I give her a cuddle, tuck her in and make for the door.

Em: But you can't go, I'm all alone, I've got no family and no mummy.

Guilt trip much?!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The sky is falling!

Driving back to Mum's house, we saw a car towing quite a big boat through Orakei.

Em: Look, there's a boat driving down the road!
Me: Yes, it's being towed by the car.
Em: Where's he going?
Me: To find some water probably.
Em: He's going to the swimming pool?
Me: No, to the beach I imagine.
Em: Where's he going to? To have a swim?
Me: Maybe.  He might be having a swim, or going fishing, or going to an island, like Rangitoto.
Em: (pause) That sounds like Rangi!  Rangi, Rangi, Rangitoto! That's a teacher!  You make me funny and laughing Mummy.
Me: It does have the same sound in it doesn't it.  Rangi means 'sky'
Em: No!
Me: It does. Rangi means 'sky' in Maori.
Em: Oh no, Rangi up in the sky! She hiding in the clouds!
Me: Is she?
Em: Yes, she hiding in the clouds.  She might fall down.
Me: I hope not.
Em: Oh no! Rangi's falling!  I can catch her Mummy.
Me: I hope so.
Em: I got to run really fast and drive my green car really fast and catch Rangi. Yep, I did it, I catched her.
Me: Oh good.
Em: She might fall in the hole, but I catched her.
Me: That was lucky.
Em: I got a treat for Rangi, and Nana Jay and Poppa John and Daddy and you mummy.  I got it from the lolly shop.

Ember's koan solution

We were driving home from a play date through Cornwall Park when Ember saw some kids playing in a tree.

Em: Look they playing on the tree!  I can play on the tree because I'm a big girl.  And if the tree falls down it goes CRASH like that.
Me: If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Em: Yes, it does.
Me: If no one hears it, how do you know?
Em: My Bali is there in the forest.  She's going to the swimming pool. She's going to swim in the forest to swim at the swimming pool.
Me: But what if Bali's not there either?  If there's no one at all in the forest, and a tree falls down, does it make a noise?
Em: Ummm... maybe I have to run really fast. And I does, and then my dinosaur comes and I ride on his back.
Me: Really?
Em: Yes, he's a nice dinosaur and he says 'ride on my back' and he doesn't eat me.  He's a talking dinosaur.
Me: It's not a scary dinosaur then?
Em: Nope, he's a nice dinosaur and he goes to Dinosaur Rick's.
Me: Dinosaur Rick's?
Em: Yes, Dinosaur Rick's. He's the big green dinosaur, in the book.
Me: Oh, you mean Tyrannosaurus Rex?
Em: Yes, and he's a nice dinosaur and I ride on his back.
Me: I thought Tyrannosaurus Rex was a scary dinosaur.
Em: Nope.
Me: He's got big teeth and he eats people.
Em: Nope, he doesn't.  He doesn't bite me. He doesn't eat girls or mummies.  Just boys.  But not Aidan Slades, just Aiden Walterses.
Me: Here's another one for you then.  What's the sound of one hand clapping?
Em: No, I'm not saying that one.

'Bali' is Ember's sometime invisible friend.  I have an awful suspicion that it's actually Barbie.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Drama Queen

Yesterday we went on a not-very-successful trip to the zoo - it was raining, Ember was particularly grumpy and we left after seeing very few animals.  We did manage to see the Santa show which was good, although Em didn't join in very much of the audience participation stuff which she probably would usually have liked.  She did deign to 'open her mouth wide like a hippopotamus' during one song as there was promise of a prize, but was then very put out when she didn't win the prize.  Misery was further compounded when Santa arrived and then left without giving out either presents or lollies.

Today in the car, Ember suddenly started singing one of the songs from the show:

Em: We wish you a zoo Christmas, we wish you a zoo Christmas, we wish you a zoo Christmas and a happy new year... We wish you a zoo Christmas (etc)
Me: Did you like that show?
Em: Yes, it was fun at the zoo.
Me: What was your favourite part?
Em: Crying.
Me: Crying was your favourite part?
Em: Yes, I was crying because I didn't get a prize.
Me: Why was that your favourite part?
Em: Because it was.
Me: Do you know what favourite means?
Em: Yes.
Me: What does it mean?
Em: ... can you tell me Mummy?
Me: It means the bit you enjoyed the most.
Em: Yes.
Me: So what was the bit you enjoyed the most? From the zoo yesterday?
Em: Crying!  I want a prize Mummy, can I have a prize?

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Being Bad

I have been meaning to post a few odds and ends for a while and never got around to it.  Here are a few classic Ember snippets I keep remembering and haven't posted yet.

On the way home from the hospital, after having had a general anaesthetic.
Me:  are you feeling ok sweetheart?
Em: (in tragic voice) no, I'm feeling bad Mummy.
Me: What's the matter?
Em: I'm a bit bad Mummy, I'm a little bit bad.
Me: Do you mean bad as in you feel sick, or bad as in naughty?
Em: I just bad because I go flying and then CRASH into a tree and I go up into the air and stuck in the tree and then you come and give me a rope ladder and I climb down and you rescue me, and that's the end of the story. Did you like my story Mummy?
Me: Yes, I did.


After a very 'three' day with lots of mini-tantrums and 'no'.
Em: I have a hug Mummy?
Me: Yes, of course.
Em: (snuggled in on my knee) I'm sorry for being a bit bad.
Me: You're not bad sweetheart, you were just being a bit naughty.
Em: Yes, I am, I'm a bit bad and slow because I eat too many strawberries.


Quite a long time ago, but I keep remembering it.  We were on the train platform in Orakei, waiting for a train into town.
Me: Come back from edge Ember, you've got to stay on this side of the yellow path.
Em: Why?
NJ: Because that's where you're safe.  See, there's a yellow path on that side, and a yellow path on that side.
Em: That's not a yellow path!
Me: What is it then?
Em: It's a ogre!
NJ: OK then.
Em: Look at the cars!
NJ: There are lots of cars over there aren't there?
Em: Where they going?
NJ: I don't know.  Maybe they're going home.
Em: No!
NJ: Where are they going then?
Em: To the zoo!
NJ: Well, you could be right I suppose!


After coming to my work in the morning and having a brief chat to Fionna, we were heading back over the road to creche.

Em: Where's Own... Fown... Finonna?
Me: Fionna?
Em: Yes, Fiononna, where's Finonna?
Me: She's at work.
Em: She's at your work?
Me: Well, yes, but it's her work too.
Em: You got to share your work?
Me: (laughing) Yes, I do.
Em: That's very kind Mummy.


Showing me a picture she had drawn for me (which did actually look like an icecream.  I'm not sure whether she intentionally drew an icecream, or whether she drew something then decided it looked like an icecream!)
Em: Look Mummy, this is your picture.  I drawed it for you.
Me: Thank you.
Em: It's a icecream.  But it's not a talking icecream so I didn't draw it a mouth.  It's an eating icecream.
Me: Oh, ok thanks. That's good to know.
Em: Because icecreams don't talk Mummy.


Em was choosing books to read in bed the other night, and pulled out one she hadn't seen before (at Nana's house) which had a picture of a cartoon tyrannosaurus on the front.  We have recently had books from the library called "Hands are not for Hitting" and "Tails are not for Pulling".  Although this looked nothing like those books, it must have sparked something as Ember said:
Em: Look Mummy! Teeth are not for eating!

The Nudey-Rudey Rescuer

Ember and I are currently staying at mum's while the renovations at our house settle down, and will move back once we have walls and a kitchen. Em, Nana J and I had a brilliant conversation tonight, which I wish I had recorded as I'm sure I'll get some of it wrong, but Nana can verify that if anything, it was probably more surreal than my memory of it!

Em brought a 3 kilo weight to each of us.

Em: there's your jelly.
Me: thanks.
Em: don't eat it yet, just put it there, it's for your party.
Me: ok.
Em: just put it there. You got to have a dream first. Go to sleep Mummy and Nana. You got to have a dream. Do you have a dream Nana?
NJ: yes I do. It happens at 8 o'clock tonight. (i.e. the lotto draw!)
Me: ooh, yes, can you make that one come true Ember?
Em: yes I can, coz I'm a rescuer!
NJ: you're a rescuer?
Em: yes, I am. I rescued the boy. But he run away from me.
NJ: did he?
Em: yes he did, and I was rescuing him and he run away and I shout COME BACK like that really loud. His name is... name is... Bolly.
Me: Bolly?
Em: yes, and he run away from me and I call out to him.
NJ: did he come back?
Em: yes he did, and he was going to the nudey-rudey park.
NJ: why?
Em: Because he's a nudey-rudey!
NJ: of course!
Em: yes, and he was going to the bakers shop.
NJ: I thought he was going to the nudey-rudey shop.
Em: yes, but he going to the bakers shop.
NJ: is it a nudey rudey baker shop?
Em: yes, it is, and he got a fat puku like this! (showing us her skinny puku)
NJ: I'm not surprised if he was at the nudey rudey baker shop.

I can't remember what happened next, mostly because I had to wipe my tears of laughter away!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Butterflies and Crocodiles

On the way home in the car the other day, Em had her hand out the window, feeling the wind rushing past.  She and I were both in the back seat (car pooling) and a most bizarre conversation then ensued.

Em: Look Mummy, the wind on my hand!  I going to be a butterfly soon.
Me: Oh, are you?
Em: Yes, I getting my butterfly wings too.  You can have butterfly wings too Mummy.  I have the green ones, you have red wings and daddy have blue wings.
Me: What about Nana?
Em: Yep, she can.  She haves yellow wings.
Me: What about... Sarah? (my friend from work, who Ember absolutely adores)
Em: Yep, she can have... can you tell me Mummy? (all the wings were based on people's favourite colours)
Me: Um, I'm not sure what Sarah's favourite colour is.  How about green? I think she likes green.
Em: Nope, I've got the green ones.
Me: Are there no more green ones?
Em: No, just one.
Me: What about purple then?
Em: Nope, they're mine too.
Me: You can't have two pairs of wings!
Em: Um, Sarah can have... brown.
Me: Brown wings?
Em: No, she has to has white.
Me: Is that because she's an angel?
Em: Nope, I'm being the cat, you being the frog and Sarah is being the... crocodile!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Nursery rhymes revisited

Ember is really into nursery rhymes at the moment, but some of her lyrics are not quite the traditional ones. Some of my favourites include:

...humpty dumpty had a great fall
Calling the horses and calling in sven couldn't put humpty together again.

...three bags full.
One for the masker and one for the day
And one for the little boy who lives down the way.

And my current favourite:
Mary had a little lamb,little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
Its feces white as snow...

She is currently in bed calling "I'm thirsty mummy, I need aqua..."

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Rain Button

We were on our way to Pirongia today, for a mainly outdoor event, and it was raining - not hard but steadily.  Suddenly Ember pipes up:

Em: Is it raining Mummy?
Me: Yep
Em: It's raining? Is it raining Mummy?
Me: Yes
Em: It is? It's raining.  It's raining Mummy? Is it? Is it raining?
Me: Yes!
Em:  Beep beep. I'm pushing the button Mummy. Beep.
Me: What button?
Em: The rain go away button. It got writing on it. Look. It say "GO AWAY RAIN!" It say "No rain, go away"
Me: Oh good.  You better push the button lots then.
Em: Yes, I do. Beep. Beep beep beep bee-bee-beep beep beep beep beep.
Me: Is it working?
Em: Yes, look you got to say "Go away rain, you got fire on you". (pause) Say it Mummy. Say "Go away rain, you got fire on you.
Me: Go away rain you've got fire on you.
Em: Good girl Mummy. Good girl to say "Go away rain."  Beep beep beep beep. Look, the rain got fire on it. Look Daddy.
Si: Yeah.
Em: You got to say "You got fire on you rain." Say it Daddy. (pause) Simon! Simon! Say "You got fire on you rain."
Si: You've got fire on you rain.
Em: Beep beep beep beep beep.Yes, look, it's working!  Toosh! (that's her telling off noise).  The rain got fire on it, it's all gone now.

Unfortunately the rain button didn't work today, but we had a good time in Pirongia anyway, and the downpour did hold off till we were leaving, so perhaps it did have some effect. :)

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Funky Monkeys: People, not lions

Tomorrow is the Creche Christmas party and many of the older children are very excited that the Funky Monkeys are going to be performing.  Those of you who are not from New Zealand, or who are not parents of small children, may not have discovered the Funky Monkeys, but they are kind of like the New Zealand version of The Wiggles.  They tend to have a 'message' in most of their songs and often work with Plunket on particular issues, such as road safety.  Anyway, to a 3 year old, seeing the Funky Monkeys is kind of like going to a Pink concert (or Bruce Springsteen, if you're Simon).

Ember was drawing in her notebook in the car on the way in, and suddenly said to me:

Em: This picture is for the Funky Monkeys Mummy!  It's their cake, when they come to my party.
Me: That's cool.  You do know it's not just your party right?  It's everyone's party, for everyone at Toddlers.
Em: No, it's girl's party! They coming to MY party.
Me: It's for everyone at Creche. Toddlers and Preschool and Teenies and Poppets and Nursery.
Em: I can come too?
Me: Yes, you're going (as long as you don't get chicken pox) it's your party as well.
Em: Funky Monkeys is coming?
Me: Yes, they're coming.


Me: You do know that the Funky Monkeys aren't really monkeys, right?
Em: Yes, they Funky Monkeys!
Me: They're called the Funky Monkeys, but they're people.
Em: They not Funky Monkeys?
Me:  They're like the Wiggles. They are called the Funky Monkeys, but they are people and they sing songs and things.
Em: Yes, they does.  I draw a picture for them Mummy, and I give it to them at the party. It's their cake.  I say 'hello' to the Funky Monkey's Mummy, because I'm not scared of them.
Me: That's good.
Em: No, I'm not scared of them. Just Santa.  I'm not say 'hello' to Santa because I scared of him, but not the Funky Monkeys.
Me: No, because they're not scary are they?
Em: No, They not scary. They not lions. They not lions Mummy.  They people.
Me: Yes, they're people.
Em: I say hello to them.

We then went on to another conversation which had something to do with sharks not coming to the party, just in the swimming pool, but I can't remember that one well enough to narrate!

Now now Nana...

Yesterday we took our standard poodle puppy, Tabasco, to be clipped for the first time.  He looked quite different post-haircut!  Later that day, when Ember was pretending to be a puppy and eating her cornflakes from a bowl on the floor, she said to me:

Em: Tabasco had a nice hair cut didn't he Mummy?
Me: Yes, he did.
Em: Not a cracky one.
Me: Not a what?
Em:  He had a nice haircut, not a cracky one.

From the cheeky grin on her face, I'm pretty sure she thought she was saying 'crappy'.

Me:  Oh yes.  Where did you hear that word?
Em: Rotorua!
Me: Really?  Who said that in Rotorua?
Em:  Nana Jay!  And I say "No, Nana.  That's toilet talk."  Bum bum, poo poo. That's toilet talk too.

They're charming creatures aren't they?!  I guess it's all Nana's fault ;-)

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Political Advice

We have an election coming up in New Zealand, and in Raglan we are tacked on to the top of the Taranaki/King Country electorate, which is an odd combination. We only have four candidates to choose from, although under MMP we can also cast a vote for any party. I decided to get Ember's advice on my voting choices.

Me: So who do you think I should vote for Ember? Labour, National, United Future, or the Green Party?
Em: (big gasp) Green party! I have a green party! I have another green party mummy? With a green cake, and Matta can come and everybody bring me presents? Oh yay mummy, that's very cited (excited) now!
Me:... So you think I should vote for the Green Party then?
Em: I like green it's my favourite colour. You like red mummy and daddy likes blue.

Actually, come to think of it, that's quite apt!

A 'normal' conversation with Ember...

This morning, on our way to Toddlers, we said hello to Erika, who works in my building. This resulted in the following conversation!

Em: Who’s that?
Me: That’s Erika.
Em: That’s your friend?
Me: Yes.
Em: Ekka go to your work?
Me: Yes, she works in the same building.
Em: You see her?
Me: Well, yes, I saw her just then.
Em: I see Rumour [or possibly Ruma?]
Me: You see who?
Em: Rumour. I see Rumour Mummy.
Me: Rumour?
Em: Yes. Rumour.
Me: Oh, you know Bruce Willis’ daughter do you?
Em: Yes, I do.   She got my granny’s dawdles [or something like that]
Me: Your granny’s dawdles?
Em: Yes, she does.
Me: What’s that?
Em: Ummm (pause, finger on cheek in classic ‘I’m thinking’ pose) Hmmm, let me think about it. (pause) Oh, I know what it is.  We got to go to Daddy’s tickle party!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Back, after a short hiatus!

Ember in the bath tonight:

Em:  Look the boat's got no people.  Just a driver.  Here he goes to pick up the people.  Oh no, the boat's sinking!
Me: Oh no, I hope the driver can swim.
Em: No he can't!
Me:  Well I hope he's wearing a life jacket.
Em: Yes, he is.  But then a shark comes along and goes 'crunch' in his mouth.  He crunch the driver.
Me: Is he all right?
Em: Nope, he crunch him in his mouth and his jacket.  But then Santa come along and gentle the shark and say (deep Santa voice) "You can't eat people, go in time out" and the shark does and he doesn't crunch Santa. (pause)  Now the boat's going back to the school to get another driver.  Oh no! The boat's sinking again!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Don't eat them...

Ember has a cabin loft bed which is higher than a normal bed but not as high as a top bunk.  Usually when I put her to bed I climb up to read her some stories.  But a couple of nights ago she had her baby doll under a tea towel (sorry, "blanket") in my usual spot.

Em: You can't come up Mummy, baby is sleeping. Don't wake her up, he's sleeping.
Me: (slightly sarcastically) OK, shall I just stand down here and read you stories then?
Em: Yes, because he's sleeping. You can't wake him up.
Me: OK, I won't.  Is your baby a boy or a girl?
Em: A girl.
Me: So she's a she. Not a he.
Em: Yes, he's a she.
Me: She's a she.
Em: He's just 'tend ["pretend"] Mummy.  He's not real. Not a real baby.  He doesn't really sleep. Eat. He doesn't really, he doesn't really eat, he's just 'tend.  He don't eat... just 'tend. He don't, you don't, you don't really eat... really eat... you don't... you don't eat babies Mummy.
Me: (trying not to laugh *too* much)  No, I won't, I promise.

We have lots of these at the moment, where she is trying really hard to say something particular but it goes round and round until it becomes something else entirely!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Naughty tree-painting girls and Charlie going round

I've remembered a few things I meant to post during my month gap in posting, so I'll put what I can remember here.

For a while, every time we got to a certain part of the deviation (the windy, hilly part of the Raglan road), Ember would say:
Em: Naughty girls!
Me: What?
Em: They paint the trees!
Me: What girls?
Em: The naughty girls, they paint the trees, they do Mama, they paint it.  They naughty girls.

I never did figure that one out.

After we switched Ember to the more grown up version of the carseat, she took a little while to adjust to being lower to the seat and less firmly wedged into the seat.  One day, when Charlie was driving and I was sitting next to Ember, we had this conversation:

Em: No! Charlie's make me sad!
Me: What's the matter?
Em: He fall down me.
Me: You're ok.
Em: No, Charlie make me sad, he do.
Me: Why are you sad?
Em: Because Charlie drives around!
Charlie:  That's because this part of the road has corners.  So I have to drive round them.  But we're coming out of the cornery phase now and coming into a straight phase.
Em: (pause) I've got a face.

She makes me LOL! :)

More snippets to come as I remember them...

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Happy Birthday Ember!

Ember is three today!  I know every parent says this, but it's hard to believe my little baby is three ;)

Em's managed to make it a bit of a birthday week, as she had Mainly Music on Monday, Toddlers on Wednesday for her actual birthday, and a party this Saturday.  On Monday evening I asked her about her day.

Me: Did you go to Mainly Music today?
Em: Yep.
Me: Did they sing "happy birthday" to you?
Em: Yes, they did, and they sing it and I run outside and I shout really hard, I say "No, don't do it!"
Me: Didn't you want them to sing to you?
Em: No, and I shout really hard and I say "No, I don't like it" and they do.
Me: They did sing "happy birthday"?
Em: Yes, they did.
Me: Why didn't you like it?
Em: No.
Me: But why, why didn't you like them singing to you?
Em: They was sad!
Me: Who was?
Em: The people was. The people was sad and they sing it, and I run outside and say "No!".
Me: Why were they sad?
Em: Yes, they sad, the people sad and they crying. They crying Mama.
Me: Why were they crying?
Em: Because it my birthday and they sing it to me.
Me: Oh...

According to Simon, what actually happened was that they sang happy birthday to Ember and two other children, she walked up to collect her birthday cup, and then sat down again... :)

Saturday, August 6, 2011

I just don't know...

I can't even remember how the conversation started, but it got around to breastfeeding.  I said to Ember:

Me: Do you remember when you were a baby and drank milk from mummy's boobies?
Em: Yes, I did, that's why i was a baby.  That's why I was in your tummy.  That's why I was born. And Daddy is being the king.

Far Kindor and other exploits

The other morning I was trying to get out the front door, late, carrying bags, Ember, car seat etc etc, trying to keep the dog inside, and the bloody door wouldn't close properly.  In frustration, a certain expletive passed my lips.  After a short silence, Em suddenly piped up:

Em:  Far kindor.  Far kindor.  Mama, what's far kindor?
Me: (trying desperately not to crack up, and failing)  Mummy said a bad word.  I shouldn't have said that.
Em: No, you should have said "silly door".
Me: Yes, you're right, I should have!

Later that morning I was explaining to Em that we were going to a potluck dinner that evening.

Em: What's potluck dinner?
Me: Well, everyone brings something along, and we all share.
Em: (in great consternation) But I don't want to share my dinner!
Me: (pause) ok, you don't have to!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Introducing Daddy, and strange birthday parties.

Hayley and Donnie, friends of ours who live up the road, got married yesterday.  Donnie is full-time stay-at-home dad for their daughter Emma, who is a year younger than Ember.  They invited us over to a post-wedding brunch BBQ today (which was quite funny as all the family etc looked somewhat hungover and very much looking forward to their bacon rolls!)

Ember is often a bit reticent with new people, especially when there are lots all at once.  However, something about Donnie's mum (who Ember had never met before) must have struck a chord as Em immediately put up her arms for a cuddle and a funny conversation:

Em: I got a cat at home, name's Pocoyo. We got a puppy in our car. Name's 'Basco.  This is my daddy, Simon. He's a good driver and he does painting.

With that she hopped down and didn't say a word to anyone else the rest of the time.  She was being a bit silly/grumpy though, so we decided to head off.  Em got really upset and I finally realised that due to a couple of conversations she'd had prior to the BBQ, she had thought that this was her birthday party, and she didn't want to leave!  Poor Em, goodness knows what she thought, she must have been wondering why none of her friends were at her party, and why no-one was singing to her! I think I managed to convince her that her party was not for a couple of weeks...

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


We go to the library most Saturday mornings and Ember has become great friends with one of the librarians, Chanel.  Last Saturday Chanel was away and Ember was most perturbed, asking the 'replacement' librarian "Where's 'Nel?"  This Saturday when we got to the library Chanel was back...

Em: 'Nel! You come back!  Where you go?
Chanel: I was in Auckland watching my daughter and some other people do dancing.
Em: Yes, and now you back with your people.
Chanel: "Back with my people"... I like that!

Tonight, after dropping off all the carpool people at their respective destinations:
Em:  Bye Jo! (pause) It's just you and me.
Me: Yep, it's just you and me kiddo.
Em: No Kaiya, no Jo, no Jon.  We picked them all off.

I'd like to assure you that I have not shot any of my carpool people; I just dropped them off!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Catch up

Yes, I know it's been a while, and several people have bullied me for an update now.  I have been *somewhat* busy ok?!!

Anyway, some snippets for your enjoyment:

Early one morning:
Me: What would you like for breakfast Ember? Porridge?
Em: No, porridge makes me [something Spanish sounding]
Me: Makes you what?
Em: It make me into Dora.

Early another morning, having a 'just-got-out-of-bed' snuggle on the couch.
Em: Listen!
Me: What?
Em: Thunder's coming!
Me: I can't hear it.  I hope there's no thunder.
Em: Yes, it's coming. Thunder's in my ears.  It listens to me.

At Amber and Nick's house.  Everyone is out on the deck apart from Em, who is in the computer room trying to close the deck door.
Me: Ember don't shut the door please.
Em: Yes, I shut it (getting hysterical). I got to shut it.
Me: No, leave it open, Amber wants it open.
Em: (totally hysterical) No Mummy, the tigers are coming, they going to come in!
Me: There aren't any tigers here. Shea's scared them all away.
Em: No, they coming, the tigers are coming in I got to close it.
Millie (one of the twins) tries to go in the door.
Em: (actually shrieking now) No babies, you can't come in, the tigers, NO!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Oh the humanity!

On Sunday we were down at the playground by the beach, taking our opportunity to get outside between rain showers (by showers, I actually mean 'downpours').  There was one break in the rain which was long enough for the playground to be almost dry, but there were low, dark, rain-full clouds looming ominously, and mist in the distance.

Em had quite a good play, including a trouserless splash in the sea, but when I felt the first little spits I knew another downpour was nearly upon us.  I called Ember:

Me: Come on Em, the rain's coming, we'd better get back in the car.
Em: Ooh!  Ok Mama.

She ran over to me then stopped, turned back to the playground and yelled at the top of her voice:

Em: Quick! Everyone! The rain is coming! THE RAIN IS COMING!

Overreaction much?!!  She was quite nonplussed when everyone ignored her warning and continued to play, although we were vindicated a couple of minutes later when the skies opened!

Friday, June 17, 2011


In the car on the way home tonight, I was asking Ember what she had done at Toddlers that day...

Me: So, who did you play with today?
em: Aidan
me: And who else?
Em: No, just Aidan!
Me: What about Sophie?
Em: No!
Me: What about Reitu? Did you play with Reitu?
Em: No, just Aidan!
Me: What about Max?
Em: No! No one else!
Me: Why not? Max is a nice boy.
Em: No, he not! I got no friends at Toddlers! Just Aidan!
Me: You can have more than one friend you know.  You don't have to just be friends with Aidan.
Em: No! I got no friends!
Me: What about Matai?
Em: Umm, yep!
Me: Was Matai there today?
Em: Yep!
Me: Did you play with him?
Em: Yep!
Me: So you do have other friends?
Em: Yes, I do Mummy.
Me: Who else is your friend?
Em: Sophie and Reitu and Max!

Contrary child... :)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Last night....

After bedtime, several stories, a drink of water and a plain cracker, while Em was having five minutes reading time with the lights on:

Em:  Mama.(pause) Mama? (pause) Maaaamaaaaa. (pause) MAMA! MAAAAAMAAAAAAAAA!
Me: (going in) What?!
Em: I need to read you a story.
Me: A quick one, then it's lights out.
Em: ('reading') Tuck me in.  Time for bed. Who need to tucked in? I do. Goodnight baby elephant. (looks at me) And that's the end.
Me: Ok, goodnight.
Em: I need daddy cuddle. Little cuddle.
Me: Ok
Em: You got to ask nicely Mama. Got to say 'please Daddy for a little cuddle."
Me: Ok, I will.

Lights go out. Daddy goes in for little cuddle.  I go back in for little cuddle.  Silence...

10 minutes later:

Em:  Mama.(pause) Mama? (pause) Maaaamaaaaa. (pause) MAMA! MAAAAAMAAAAAAAAA!
Me: (going in) What?!
Em: I need something to cuddle.  Need a toy.
Me: Ok.  This one? (teddy) 
Em:  Ummm, yep!
Me: Here you go.  Good night
Em: Good night.

10 minutes later:

Em:  Mama.(pause) Mama? (pause) Maaaamaaaaa. (pause) MAMA! MAAAAAMAAAAAAAAA!
Me: (going in) What?!
Em:  Need to take the strangle off!
(I remove the teddy bear's bow tie)
Me: Is that better?
Em: Yep.  That's the Mummy one.  Need the Daddy one.
(I get the 'daddy' teddy, and the baby one)

Silence.  Finally.  Till my phone message alert goes off. D'oh!  At least she stays in bed I suppose. :)

Monday, June 13, 2011

Be careful!

Ember has recently become very danger aware, which is good, but I think she may be taking it a bit too far.  We have a lot of conversations like this at the moment:

Em: Here Dada, here's some orange for you
Si: Thanks
Em: You got to be careful
Si: Ok, I will
Em: You got to be careful eat your orange or you might fall off the bed and you go on the floor and the car come along and you get squashed, like that (claps her hands together).
Si: Ok, I'll be careful.
Em: You got to be careful Dada, eat your orange. Get squashed *clap*

We have lots of variations on this little story - apparently all sorts of things are far more hazardous than you might think!  I must try to get one of the episodes down verbatim (if I can stop laughing long enough to write!)

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Sing! But not now...

In the car on the way in this morning...

Em: I got seats... I got seats in my.... I got seats in my... in my bus.  I got seats in my bus Mama.
Me: Do the wheels on your bus go round and round?
Em: No, it's a green bus. I can drive it. In my seat.
Me: Oh, ok
Em: You got to sing it Mama.
Me: (singing) The wheels on the bus go round and round...
Em: No, not now!
Me: When do you want me to sing it?
Em: When I'm bigger.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011


Just a few bits and pieces from the last couple of days:

Me: (arriving home from work) How was your day?
Em: Good
Me: Did you have fun at Playcentre?
Em: Yep
Me: What did you do?
Em: Boy tell me
Me: What did he tell you?
Em: Boy tell me, he say no.
Me: Did he tell you off?
Em: Yes, he did
Me: Why did he tell you off?
Em: He say "You a kangaroo" and I say "No boy, I'm Ember!"
Me: Did he?
Em: Yes, I say "No boy, I don't like it."

Tonight in bed, after requesting a 'daddy cuddle'
Si: Night night Em
Em: (popping out from under covers) You find me!
Si: I did.
Em: You wake me up Dada!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

After nappies is...

I am still trying to convince Ember about toilet training - she seems to get the theory but not the practice.  Although after this morning I'm not so sure.

Me: Look Em, I got you some big girl nappies. 
Em: Why?
Me: They're in between nappies and knickers.  Look they've got princesses on them, and you can put them on standing up.
Em: They got princesses on it?
Me: Yes, and they help you know when you've done wees.
Em: Why?
Me: Because big girls don't wear nappies do they?
Em: No
Me: What do big girls wear?
Em: (pause) Boys?

(Cue hilarity from Mama and Nana Jay)

Nana: I do hope not! Not for a few years yet Ember!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Poor Man!

This one requires a little bit of back story (unless you're Laura) but I'll give you the conversation first and then the back story.  Nana Jay is visiting today and despite Ember being horrendously tired from a late night, early morning and no day sleep, little one was determined to delay bed time as long as possible to maximise Nana-time.

After cleaning her teeth, Em jumped on to Nana's lap and suddenly said:
Em: Poor Man!
Nana: Who?
Em: Man, Laura's Man.  He sad, he fall off the bed!
Nana: Did he?  Is he all right?
Em: Yes, he happy now.  He fall off the bed, go bump.
Nana: Oh dear.
Em: Poor Man.

Laura's partner (what do you refer to him as Laura? fiance?) is actually called Ted, but Ember has always called him 'Man'.  Everyone else is either a boy or a girl, but Ted is just Man.  Ted is currently overseas and not very well, so Laura had him on skype while she and William (baby) went about their evening.  Ember and I came over for a visit, and Em spotted 'Man' on the computer.  She was very concerned that he looked sad, and then started saying he had fallen off the bed, I think because he moved the computer at his end, which made the picture go wobbly for a bit.  Goodness knows what made her think of it tonight though!

Friday, June 3, 2011

Tigers, Monsters and Dinosaurs (oh my!)

We've had such a funny week and I wish I had been able to record word for word some of the conversations Em and I have had. I'm shortly getting an iPad so hopefully (on the days I'm not driving) I can scribble down some of the things she says verbatim.

The theme running through the week seems to have been 'things that bite' namely tigers, monsters and dinosaurs. We spend rather a lot of time having to run from one or all of the above, and then equal amounts of time catching miniature versions of the same and taking them home (always one for Em, one for me, one for daddy and one for Pocoyo.  Ember's one is always green and the rest of us get a different colour each.  Sometimes there's only one left so we have to bring him too, as he's sad.  In fact just this morning on the way in, I was feeding nutrigrain to a small purple tiger...)

We had another really funny conversation in the car yesterday.  Charlie had found a burger king toy on his rounds during the day (I googled it; apparently it's 'Destroyer' from the Thor movie) and gave it to Ember.  This is him:

Ember did her wonderfully melodramatic gasp and immediately named him 'Rescue Man'.  Then she started singing him a theme song, which went along the lines of 'Rescue man, Rescue man, he goes up, he goes down, he got chocolate in his car'  Charlie and I added the line "Eats it while he drives around".

In an unrelated conversation, Ember said to Charlie
Em:  I got a car Charlie
Ch: Do you?
Em: Yes, it's green.  I got a green car.
Ch: Cool
Em: You want to come in my car Charlie?  It's got chocolate in it.  And it's got pempernints in it.
Ch: Does it have chocolate-covered peppermints?
Em: Yes and it got lolly pops in it.
Ch: Ok, I'll come in your car.
Em: You want to come in my car Mama?
Me: Can I drive?
Em: No, I got to drive.
Me: Do you have a licence?
Em: Nope.  I can drive it.
Me: How are you going to reach the pedals?
Em: No, it got no pedals.  Just got a wheel.
Me: How do you make the car go?
Em: Press the buttons on the wheel.  You want to come in my car?
Me: Hmmm....

Wii has a lot to answer for!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Dinosaurs and Life

Two little conversations that made me laugh today.

At Toddlers this morning I stayed for a bit of a play and Ember went into the family play room with a large plastic triceratops.
Me: Do you know what kind of dinosaur that is Ember?
Em: Yes
Me: What's it called?
Em: It's a saurus

Well, she had a pretty good chance of being right with that one!

On the way home this evening, Ember was in the back on her own as it was just Charlie and me carpooling.  She likes to pull the top flap off her lunchbox, but after I'd fixed it twice and she pulled it off again, I refused to fix it anymore.  Little grumbles came from the back seat:

Em: It's not fair.  Not fair Mama.
Me: What's the matter?
Em: It's not fair.
Me: Life's not fair.
Em: Where's he gone?
Me: Who?
Em: He's gone away Mama? Not here?
Me: Who?
Em: The wife.
Me: (realising and dissolving in laughter)
Em: Wife's gone away? Not here?

That would have made the best game of whispers - life's not fair/wife's not here!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

But cats can't talk.. can they?

Jo (carpool buddy) managed to completely confuse Ember this morning, who in turn managed to completely confuse me, as I didn't hear the initial conversation.  Em likes to hear about other people's cats, and Jo and Jon, and Charlie have cats to be talked about.  Jo and Jon's cat, Bert (girl), is a bit of a grumpy cat, and Jon likes to tease her and have fights.  Apparently one of Bert's pet (haha) hates, and hence one of Jon's favourite things to do, is having her tummy scratched.

I didn't hear the initial conversation, but Jo later told me she had pretended to be Bert, saying "get off Jon, get off".  Ember, obviously thinking "well, cat's can't talk" thought that was what Jon was saying... and it just got more confusing from there.  After I dropped everyone off, Ember said:
Em: Jon got to get off!
Me: Does he?
Em: Yes, Jon say, get off, get off!
Me: Why does he say that?
Em: You don't got to tickle his tummy.
Me: Oh... who was tickling Jon's tummy?
Em: Jon do.
Me: Did he?
Em: Yes, he did.
Me: Ok...
Em: He say 'meow, hiss'
Me: Oh, Bert!
Em: Yes Bert say 'meow, hiss'.

It was further clarified by Jo when I picked them up this evening!

Another funny moment happened this morning.  I had to go up to Auckland for a morning appointment and Simon had said something to Em about it.  She decided to clarify:

Em: You not going to Auckland Mama?
Me: Yes, I am.  I'll drop you at Toddlers, then go up to Auckland to see the doctor, and then I'll be back to pick you up later, ok?
Em: You go to the doctor?
Me: Yes.
Em: What you got?
Me: Sarcoidosis
Em: You got yucky sotis?
Me: Exactly :)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Knock knock!

I've recently been attempting to teach Ember the concept of knock knock jokes.  We've just about got it down, as long as I start, and don't deviate from the old favourites.  Ones I am allowed to tell include:
Me: Knock knock
Em: Who's there?
Me: Boo
Em: Boo who?
Me: Don't cry, it's only a joke!
(cue much laughter and general hilarity)

We also do 'Doctor' 'Doctor who?' 'If you already knew, why did you ask?' and 'lettuce', 'lettuce who?' 'lettuce out, it's cold in here!' and occasionally the old classic 'little old lady' 'little old lady who?' 'I didn't know you could yodel!'

However, we get into trouble when Em tries to start.  It usually goes like this:
Em: Knock knock,
Me: Who's there?
Em: Who's there?
Me: No, I said 'who's there!'
Em: No, I said 'who's there!'
Me: No, you tell me who's there!
Em: Who's there?
Me: Say 'boo'
Em: Boo
Me: Boo who?
Em: Boo who?
Me: No, I'm asking 'boo who?'!
Em: Boo who?
etc etc

She has made up some of her own knock knock jokes as well.  They took a bit of getting out (see example above) but for clarity I'll relate them in abridged format!

Ember's Knock Knock Joke One
Em: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Em: Nana
Me: Nana who?
Em: Nana Jay!

But for true comedy genius...

Ember's Knock Knock Joke Two
Em: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Em: Daddy
Me: Daddy who?
Em: Daddy farties!

My favourite one to date though, was this:

Ember's Knock Knock Joke Three
Em: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Em: Ember
Me: Ember who?
Em: No, it's just me, Ember.  See Mama, I'm Ember.

Grandad Pat would have been proud!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Where's Daddy?

On the way home from work last week, I was driving and Ember was in the back with Jo and Jon.  She loves sitting next to Jo and having stories read to her, and all sorts of crazy conversations and games.  This particular day Ember suddenly piped up:

Em: Where's my daddy?
Jo: He's at home.
Em: (in 'silly Jo' voice) Nooo!
Me: He is, he's at home.
Em: He's not at home!
Jo: Where is he then?
Em: Daddy lives in Auckland (pronounced 'orca-land')!
Jo: No he doesn't!
Me: Sometimes Daddy works in Auckland, but he's at home in Raglan at the moment.
Em: No!

We moved on to other things, but then when we were nearly in Raglan she started again:
Em: Where's Daddy?
Jo: He's at home.
Em: No, he's on the road!
Jon: Where's he going?
Em: On the road.
Me: Do you think he's playing on the road?
Em: Yes, he playing on the road.  Don't squash him Mummy!
Me: I won't.
Em: Don't squash him, be careful Mummy!

Needless to say, Daddy was in fact safely inside the house when we got home, and not playing on the road!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Catch-up Snippets...

I've been busy with assignments and stuff so haven't posted for a while.  Also, both Em and I have had bugs of various sort, and I haven't been in a blogging frame of mind.  So here are a few snippets which have happened since I last blogged:

(in the carpool)
Jo: Where's your [toy] snake?
Em: In the car
Jo: Is it in your car?
Em: No.  I haven't got a car.

(to daddy, apropos of nothing)
Em: I going to have a green house and a green car and a green chocolate button THIS BIG and you can all have some.

(picking up my over-the-knee rainbow sock)
Em: What's this mama?
Me: It's my sock.
Em: No, it's a monster!
Me: Is it?
Em: Yes, it is a monster, see look! (makes my sock jump and crawl around) Rarrrr!
Me: What kind of monster is it?
Em: Is a tiger cat. Is going to eat you RARRRRR (attacks me with sock)

(after dropping John and Jo off this morning, following a conversation about Jon going to 'school' - he's a PhD student)
Em: Where's Jon's school?
Me: It's there.
Em: No, that's not a school.
Me: That's where Jon goes to school.
Em: No playground!
Me: Do you think Jon's school has a playground?
Em: Yes, it does, he play on it. (pause) Has lollies on the playground
Me: Does Jon eat lollies on the playground?
Em: No, Jo does, she eat them all up, YUM.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

A Seb-ism

One of my oldest friends (by which I mean a friend I have known for a long time, not a friend who is advanced in years!) lives up the road, and has a son who is just a little bit older than Em.  Seb and Em have a great gift for winding each other up, and Seb was making a particularly good job of it today.  Ember was playing with a fire truck...

Em: Look mama, I got a fire truck.
Seb: It's not a fire truck.
Em: (squealing) Is a fire truck!
Seb: It's not a fire truck.
Em: (bursts into tears)
Me: Em, don't be silly, you know it is a fire truck.
Seb: It's not a fire truck.
Em: (more crying)
Amber: Seb, stop winding her up.
Seb: It's not a fire truck
Em: (more crying)
(repeat, ad nauseum)
Nick: Ok Seb, if it's not a fire truck, what is it?
Seb: It's a fire engine


At the Zoo

We went to the zoo on Saturday.  Em and her creche chums spend a lot of time playing 'oh no it's a tiger, quick run away!' at creche, so naturally she was most looking forward to seeing the 'tiger cat' for real.  However, the reality turned out to be a bit scarier than anticipated, especially since the tiger cat in question was looking at Em like she might make a good pre-lunch snack...

Safely away from his evil eye though, tiger is firmly back on the favourites list.
The 'emberism' in question has nothing to do with the tiger though, and occurred while I was pushing her up a hill in the buggy.  She suddenly put her foot down on the ground to make me stop, in order to have a very serious conversation:

Em: Mama stop.  Stop Mama!
Si: Come on Ember.
Me: Pick your foot up sweetie, so I can push the buggy.
Em: No, I need to talk to Mama. Stop pushing Mama!
Me: (stopping) What's up?
Em:  (holding up her toy dog)  Dog's head attached to his neck?
Me: Yes, it is.
Em: Ok.

With that she sat back down and we went on our way!

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Emilie and James (part two)

Those of you who have read the first post on this blog will know that Ember and I had a visit from Sarah, Emilie and Holly-the-dog a while ago, which has stuck in Ember's mind.  Today we had a sequel to the last conversation!

Em: (in the car, on the way to the shops, apropos of nothing) Where's Holly?
Me: She's at Sarah's house.  Actually, she's at Sarah's sister's house...
Em: Where's other girl? Embilly?
Me: Emilie?
Em: Yes, Emilie. Where's Emilie?
Me: Emilie's at her house.
Em: Emilie lives with James?
Me: That's right.
Em: Emilie lives with James the train!
Me: Well, no, Emilie's James is not a train, he's a boy.
Me: Do you think Emilie lives with James the train or James the boy?
Em: No, James the girl!
Me: James is a boy.
Em: No, James a girl.  Emilie lives with James the girl

I haven't met James, so perhaps she's right (I'll have to ask Emilie!)

Friday, May 6, 2011

"I'm so self-aware..."

Em is usually a pretty cheerful little soul, although prone to the odd bout of whinging, like most two-year-olds.  However, tiredness can turn her into an emotional, melodramatic monster, with every 'no' or 'tomorrow' resulting in her throwing herself onto the floor in floods of tears (Laura will remember the carrot incident; I'll have to write about that one sometime!).

Last night we had a sudden descent into extreme tiredness, unfortunately at the point where I had just condition-combed her hair for lice (yes, we're still doing that).  She had to have a bath so I could wash the conditioner out, and she usually loves the bath once she's in (although not the hair washing).  From her reaction last night to my gentle "Come on sweetie, time for a bath", you would have thought I was proposing to dunk her into boiling oil, but it had to be done.  I got her in, wet her hair and lathered it, all to the tune of heartfelt sobbing.  When I told her it was time to rinse, she looked at me, tears running down her face and paused in her sobbing long enough to say "Look at me, I'm crying" before descending back into sobs.

Being the caring mother I am, I cracked up laughing, and to her credit, I did see a wicked glint in her eye, and a wee quirk at the corner of her mouth before the sobbing increased by a decibel or two!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Role playing

I've been meaning to post this one for a while!  Ember is very into dramatic play and role plays all sorts of scenarios with her little plastic toys - tombliboos in particular (they're another Night Garden thing).  She's also recently discovered Gogo Crazy Bones, which she calls 'little space creatures' and they are often part of the games too, along with dinosaurs, finger puppets and whatever else comes to hand.  It's great fun listening to the little scenarios she plays out, and often they involve 'mama' rescuing 'sister' or 'baby' from some sort of predicament (stuck in a tree, being chased by a tiger, you know, normal, everyday kind of things).  Obviously this is because I am such a great role model!  :-)

But my favourite one of late sounds a lot like something that must happen a lot at creche.  It goes like this:
Toy 1: It's my turn!
T2: No, it's my turn!
T1: It's my turn, I had it first!
T2: No it's not it's my turn!
T1: It's my turn!
T3: (lower voice) What's going on here guys?

I can totally hear her creche teachers being quoted there!  The funniest thing is that occasionally when we are in the car, and she doesn't have any of her little toys with her, she'll play the same game with her two feet arguing and her hand coming along to sort it out!

We are definitely getting her a dolls house for her birthday :)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


I have had a sore throat and cough for a few days now (hence the lack of posts), but it's a difficult concept to explain to a two year old.  When we were driving home from work/creche on Friday last week (Em and I were both in the back (car pooling)) Em wanted me to try some water from her bottle:

Em: Have water Mama?
Me: No, I'd better not drink from your bottle, I've got a sore throat.
Em: Who hurt you?
Me: No-one, I'm just not feeling very well.
Em: Got a sore throat?
Me: Yes.
Em: Who hurt you?
Me: No, it's... there are germs in my throat.
Em: Germs hurt you?
Me: Yes.
Em: You got to say "No germs, I don't like it".  (pause) Say it Mama.
Me: No germs, I don't like it.
Em: Say "Go away germs"
Me: Go away germs.
Em: All better now?
Me: (laughing) I wish it was as easy as that!
Em: You got a sore throat Mama?
Me: Yes
Em: I see it?
Me: Well, it's on the inside, it's hard to see.
Em: I see it? See the germs?  Where's the germs gone?
Me: They're in my throat.


(Em points her water bottle at my neck, presses the button on it, then points it towards the window and does the same)
Em: There you go Mama, germs is all gone now!
Me: Thanks :)

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Easter Two: Grown-up phrases

Em comes out with some lovely little phrases she has obviously picked up from me and Si, or at Toddlers.  A couple of gems she came out with over Easter:

Me:  Ember, come and put your shoes on
Em:  No
Me: Do you want to wear your new boots (blue gumboots with silver stars)
Em: Oh YES, my BEAUTIFUL boots!

In the car, after visiting Laura:
Em:  Well, that was great!

(I can assure you it was all enthusiasm and no sarcasm!)

Easter One: Styles of Play

I've just had five days off over Easter and didn't get around to blogging.  Certainly not because of a lack of Emberisms though, I can assure you!

One of my good friends, who has a little girl 6 weeks older than Em, came down to stay on Saturday night.  We'll call them the A Team :).  Little A and Ember have always been pretty similar in terms of their development - height, mobility, language etc - but it is now becoming obvious that they are very different in the way that they play, and this caused some very interesting conflicts.  Little A is very physical and likes to run, jump, slide, roll, etc, particularly on the beach, while Em is more of an imaginative/dramatic player.  An example - we were on the beach and Little A was throwing herself around in the sand as usual, while Em was demanding to be carried because "the sea is chasing me".  Em and I dug a hole and then Em started jumping over it, adding the incentive that there were crocodiles in the hole.  She was doing very calculated big jumps to make sure she cleared the hole and kept away from the crocodiles.  Little A on the other hand was throwing herself with abandon, in, on and over the hole.  Em was getting quite upset as Little A was getting eaten by the crocodiles!

I'm sure that as they get older and more able to accommodate they will play well together again.  But for now, tears and tantrums were the general result.  Although they did manage to share a (very small) bath with no physical violence!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Lollipops and Nuts

Given the length of my journey to work, and the horrendous price of petrol, I've been carpooling for the last year or so, and Ember comes too on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays.  Charlie's car is her favourite because he has 'pempernints' and she's allowed to have one (one) if she asks nicely. Today, however, we were in Jon's car (usually Jon and Jo's car, but Jo is away in Bali), in the back seat.  The last time we were in Jon's car, Ember invented a game with the unused middle seat belt, using the metal clippy bit to 'check' my back.  She started it up again today, and I was curious.

Em: I going to check Piggle's back (Iggle Piggle is a blue soft toy.  See here for more info)
Me: Why do you need to check his back?
Em: Because I check it.
Me: But why? What do you think might be wrong with his back?
Em: He got stuff on it.  (pause, while she thinks)  He got lollipops on his back, all sticky, look.
Me: Oh, ok.
(she pokes Piggle in the back of the neck with the seat belt clip)
Em:  All gone now.
Me: Oh good.
Em: I check your back Mama?
Me: Have I got lollipops on my back too?
Em: No! (laughs) You got no lollipops on there! (laughs)
Me: So why do you need to check my back?
Em: I check it?
Me: Ok (turn sideways so Ember can poke my neck with the seat belt clip)
Em: I check you got nuts on your back.
Me: (dawning realisation) Oh, right...
Em: All done Mama, you got no nuts on there.

It all suddenly became clear.  The seat belt clip is vaguely the same shape as the nit comb, which has been in daily service on Ember's hair as I check for  and get rid of lice (aka 'nuts).

Everything in Ember world does make sense once you have the context... well, most things anyway. I'm still not sure about the lollipops.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

No carrots

One of Ember's favourite books from the library is 'Miranda's Numbers'.  It's written by Miranda Harcourt and someone else, and uses lots of different techniques to subliminally implant numbers into children's brains.  That sounds more sinister than it actually is, and it's a nice enough story.

Anyway, it starts from "0 - zero looks like an empty plate" and I happened to be explaining the concept of zero to Ember at a time when she was eating a carrot.  Consequently, when we were reading the book at bedtime last night (sans carrots), when we got to this page, Ember held up her fist and said "Look mummy, zero, got no carrots!"

I have visions of her getting to school aged five, and a teacher saying "How many do I have, if I have zero?" and Ember replying "You got no carrots!"

Ah well, it's a start :)

Monday, April 18, 2011

Juice and toothpaste

Ember and I were stopping to fill up the car with petrol before heading into the Tron for a birthday party (for one of her Toddlers friends).  Em equates the petrol station with lollipops, so I headed her off at the pass by telling her we were going to get petrol, but no treats.  She asked for juice instead and since we had a longish trip ahead, I concurred.  However...

Me:  You can have a juice, but it might taste funny because you've just brushed your teeth.
Em: I have juice?
Me: Yes, but it might taste funny.
Em: Why?
Me: When you've just cleaned your teeth, some things taste a bit funny, until the toothpaste wears off.
Em: Juice got toothpaste in it?
Me: No... um... It just might taste funny, ok?
Em: I have juice?
Me: Yes.

We stopped for petrol and I got her a juice.

Me: Here you go. Don't squeeze it.
Em: I won't squeeze it Mummy. (drinks juice... laughs) It taste funny! (laughs some more, then hands it to me)  Don't want it, got toothpaste in it.
Me: No, it doesn't have... never mind.

When we were nearly in town, I offered it to her again.

Me: Do you want your juice now?
Em: No, taste funny.
Me: It should be ok now, you brushed your teeth quite a while ago, so it's probably worn off.  Do you want to try?
Em: No, juice got toothpaste in it.
Me: No, its... I took all the toothpaste out, it's all gone.
Em: Ok!  (drinks juice).  It taste nice!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Colours (color es)

Ember learned all her colours pretty early - she was about 18 months and learned them all in about a week, prompted initially by Nana's yellow car.  So I guess it should have been no surprise, when we were reading stories tonight, that Ember, completely unprompted, pointed to something green on a page and said "Look, it's verde."

I tried a few more, and discovered she also knows rojo (red), amarillo (yellow) and azul (blue). 

At least the hours of Dora endurance have not been in vain...  Perhaps she'll end up bilingual if she watches it for a few more hours (although Simon and I will probably be gibbering in the corner by that time!)

Friday, April 15, 2011

Creepy Crawlies

The scourge of parenthood - we have nits.  It makes me shudder (and itch) just thinking about the lousy little blighters.  On the plus side, there has been much opportunity for Emberisms as well!

(in the car on the way home from Toddlers)
Me:  Now Em, when we get home, we're going to have to comb your hair lots, and spray some stuff in it, and wash it, and comb it some more. OK?
Em: Why?
Me: You've got nits.  They're like little bugs which are living in your hair, and that's why your head has been so itchy.
Em: I got knots?
Me: Nits, they're called nits.
Em: I see the nuts?
Me: Yep, you can see the nits when I comb them out.
Em: Mummy got nuts?
Me: Yes, I've got nits too.  So I have to comb my hair lots too.
Em: I see Mummy's nuts?
Me: Sure.
Em: Daddy got nuts?
(you can see where this was heading)
Me:  Um. I don't know.  I'll have to see if daddy has nits but I don't think he does
Em: Daddy got no nuts!

You'll be pleased to know Ember and I are now de-loused (and will continue to de-louse for the next three weeks).  Sheets and pillowcases have been changed, hair brushes boiled, clothes washed... what a palaver!

Oh, and as it turns out, Daddy only had one 'nut' - but we are going to de-louse him to be sure.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Brought to you by the letter 'E'

Ember has recently started to recognise the letter 'E' (capital only) as being 'her name'.  She gets very excited whenever she sees one, and points it out to anyone and everyone who happens to be around.  On the journey home today I think we saw about 30 - it's amazing how many signs have capital 'E' on them once you are looking!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Santa and Bunnies

Ember got out the kite that she made (with a little help) on the weekend, and wrapped the ribbon round her wrist.

Em: Look, I Grandpa!
Me: Are you?
Em: No, I Santa!
Me: Why are you Santa?
Em: Because I'm Santa!
(ribbon comes unwrapped)
Em: Oh no, I not Santa, I Ember!
Me: Why does wrapping the ribbon around your wrist make you Santa?
Em: I not Santa, I bunny.
Me: Are you a bunny?
Em: Bunny gives chickens.
Me: Really?
Em: Yes, bunny gives chickens and eggs.
Me: Yep
Em: Chocolate eggs.
(wraps ribbon around my wrist)
Em: Look Mummy, you Santa!

I have no idea.

Monday, April 11, 2011

A Simonism...

This is not strictly an Emberism, but very funny nonetheless!

Simon and I were at the opening night of The Witches of Eastwick at the Harlequin Theatre (Em was being looked after by Nana), and were entitled to a free bubbles or orange juice with our ticket.  Si is not much of a bubbles man, so asked if he could have regular white wine instead.  After some conferring it was decided this was ok.  The conversation then went thus:

Bar guy:  So, what did you want instead?
Simon: A flat white
Bar guy: Uhhh...
Simon: I mean a flat white wine.  A white wine.  With no bubbles.
Bar guy: Ok.  Would you like sauvignon or chardonnay?
Simon: Yes, that's fine, thanks.
Bar guy: ...
Renee:  He'll have a sauvignon.

Now we know where Em gets it from!!

Sunday, April 10, 2011


Ember and I were having a feijoa party courtesy of Dorothy (the-lady-not-the-dinosaur) when there was a banging noise outside.

Em: What was that noise?
Me: I don't know
Em: Who's knocking on the window?
Me: I don't know, who do you think it was?
Em: Sarah!
Me: You think so?
Em:  Yes, she's saying "Ember, I'm here"
(more feijoa eating)
Em: What was that noise?
Me: I think it was the wind banging the deck roof.
Em: No, it's Sarah.
Me: Really, what do you think Sarah's doing out there?
Em: Sarah come to see Ember!
Me: Well, you never know.  Oh look the feijoas are all gone.
Em: We get more, come on Mummy
Me: We can't get any now.
Em: Yes, we go see Dorothy dinosaur, no not dinosaur, lady.
Me: We can't, she lives in Hamilton.  I might get some more tomorrow.
Em: No, we go now, come on Mummy, we go Hamilton
Me: Do you want your banana?
Em: I put it in my pocket.  Oh no! I got no pocket!

All in all, a very fun feijoa party!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Evading the question

Em may have a future career as a politician, as she is getting very good at evading the question when she doesn't know (or doesn't want to give) the answer.  A case in point:

Me: Can you remember how old you are Ember?
Em: I'm turning in August.
Me: Yes that's right, your birthday's in August.  Can you remember how old you are now?
Em: I'm a big girl!
Me: Yes, you are.  But can you remember how old you are?
Em: (pause) I'm... (pause, hoping I might fill in the gap) six?
Me: Not yet!  You're two.
Em: Yes, I'm two.  I'm two Jo.  Charlie, I'm two.  I'm two Jon.  I'm two.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

A new type of vegetable...

Si: (on arrival back from the shop) Look! I got brussels sprouts!
Em: You got special brouts dada!


When Ember and I were watching a bit of Wiggles this morning (at 5.30, thanks to the end of DLS time), she suddenly lifted up my top and said: "What's in your tummy mama?"

With the spate of recent local pregnancies, we've been having a lot of "I've got a baby in my tummy; have you got a baby in your tummy?" type of conversations, so I assumed that was where we were heading in this instance as well.

"Nothing" I replied. "What have you got in your tummy?" (expecting "I've got a baby...")
"Broccoli and carrots" she said.

She did have a hungry day yesterday, and ate up all her dinner (which earned her two mini chocolate eggs for afters), so I guess it was still on her mind!

Monday, April 4, 2011

More dinosaurs

Dinosaurs seem to be a recurring theme in Ember world at the moment.  On Sunday we were having a late afternoon play at the playground, and Ember started looking for dinosaurs through the play binoculars .  She must have seen some as she suddenly went running down the playground steps onto the path where she gently scooped up something the size of a small, invisible dog.  She carried it gently back to me and said:
Em: Look Mummy, it's my dinosaur!
Me: That looks like a nice dinosaur.
Em: You can pat him.
Me: OK
Em: Be gentle or he might bite you.

I was petting the dinosaur when suddenly she made her hand into a mouth, went 'RARRR, Yum!' and the dinosaur bit me!  An hilarious game of 'chase mummy round the park being a munching dinosaur' ensued...

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Or is it superman?

I have a small red spot on my right cheek, which most people probably think is a mole, but which is actually a blood vessel.  Children have always been fascinated by it (favourite comment ever, from a girl at Mum's school: "Can you move it to the other side?) and Ember is no exception.  It obviously caught her eye in the car on the way home today (I was sitting next to her in the back).

Em: What you got on there?
Me: It's a blood vessel.
Em: Bluh vessah?
Me: That's right.
Em: (big grin) I bite it?
Me: No, you can't bite it!
Em: Yes, I eat it! (starts making chomping faces)
Me: You can't eat it, it's part of my body, that would be yucky.  It would be like eating my finger.  Do you want to eat my finger?
Em: Yes! (grabs my little finger and tries to bite it.  Several moments of trying-to-eat-mummy hilarity ensues...)


Em: What you got on there, called name?
Me: Blood vessel.
Em: No, it's a bird!

Could have been worse I suppose!

Stones: Not dinner

A few weeks ago, I was carrying Em over the road to Toddlers (her part of Campus Creche).
Em: Don't bite the road mummy!
Me: I won't I promise.
Em: Stones is not dinner.

I have absolutely no idea where that one came from! But she's right...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The mothering instinct

When I picked Ember up from Toddlers today (her daycare, part of Campus Creche), Kelly (one of the teachers) said to me: "Ember took very good care of her baby [doll] all day today."  There was a slight pause and then she said to me: "Do you have someone close to you with a young baby?"  I smiled and said "Was Ember breast feeding her baby?"  She was indeed.

The great thing is that at home she "breast" feeds her dollies from her belly button - they have milk and then water!  I figure it's more natural than feeding her dolly from a bottle anyway. 

Amber and Laura have a lot to answer for :-)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Going to school

When I got home from work today, Ember said to me:
Em: I'm going to school!
Me: Are you?
Em: I'm a big girl when I go to school.
Me: That's right, when you're a big girl like Isla and Alice you'll go to school too.
Em: Yes, go to school. When I'm five.
Me: Who were you talking to about school?
Em: Cockatoo in a cage.

Silly question Mummy!

Mama (not you mama)

Ember has started role-playing quite a lot with her toys (which is scary because I hear my own voice coming out of her mouth fairly often!)  A week or so ago she was playing 'five little ducks' with all her bath ducks, and we had this very confusing conversation:

Em:   (in the bath) Mama?
Me:   yes?
Em:   no, not you mama, mama duck mama
Me:   oh, okay
Em:   Mama?
Me:   yeah?
Em:   no, not mama, mama duck mama!
Me:   ok, sorry
Em:   Mama? (pause) Mama? (pause) MAMA?
Me:   yes?
Em:   not you mama, mama duck mama!
Me:   I don't think she's going to answer
Em: ... (starts voicing Mama Duck)

Monday, March 28, 2011

Chocolate Cake

One of the first 'Emberisms' happened when she was quite little. Simon picked up a hairclip and said "Shall I put this in your hair?"  Ember replied "No, it's a chocolate cake."


The flavour of dinosaurs

Em was playing maypole round a large oak tree on one of our walks when she suddenly stopped:
Em: RARRRR! Jump. Yum! I just eated a dinosaur Mummy!
Me: Did you?  What did it taste like?
Em: Like cuckoos.
Me: Really?  What do cuckoos taste like?
Em: (pause, like 'duh mummy') Taste like dinosaurs.

I asked her a couple of days later what dinosaurs taste like, and she said 'sausages' - so I guess I may never know!


On waking tangled in her duvet after her nap on Saturday, Ember called out "Mummy, help! I'm stuck in bedtime!"

I think we all wish that was a valid excuse for staying home from work...

Emilie and James (and Thomas)

A couple of weeks ago, two of my friends from work came to visit me in Raglan. Sarah brought her golden retriever, Holly, along for a bit of a beach run, and Em was completely smitten. The whole day has obviously stuck in her memory as she's talked about Holly (or 'Polly') a few times now. She hadn't mentioned it for a while, and then on Saturday, out of the blue, came this little gem:

(in the car, Ember pipes up from her carseat)
Em: What's that girl called name?
Me: Which girl?
Em: Come with Holly.
Me: Sarah?
Em: No, not Sarah, other girl.
Me: Emilie?
Em: Yes, Emilie. Where's Emilie?
Me: I don't know. She's probably at her house.
Em: Where's Sarah?
Me: She's at her house.
Em: Where's Holly?
Me: Holly's at Sarah's house.
Em: Emilie at Sarah's house?
Me: No, Emilie lives at her house
Em: Lives at Sarah's house?
Me: Emilie lives at her own house, with a boy called James.
Em: James friends with Thomas the tank engine!
So now Ember thinks Emilie lives with Thomas the Tank Engine. She keeps talking about Emilie and James and Thomas, and would probably love to go and visit..!