Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Watch out for Wa[s]ps

 One of the lovely things about our new bathroom is that we have a bath.  Ember and I quite often have a bath together now (which really wasn't possible in the old paddling-pool-in-the-bottom-of-the-shower setup!)  It's one of my favourite times of day, because Ember and I always have fantastic conversations spanning all sorts of topics.

This evening in the bath, the conversation turned to bees...

Em: If you hurt bees they will sting you ay. You don’t hit bees coz they will sting you ay.
Me: Yes, and what happens if they sting you?
Em: Um, died.  But wops don’t die, ay. Wops will sting and sting and sting you and they nasty wops.  But Shea and... Sebby and Shea... Me and Shea and... Me and Sebby get that wops and make it dead of meat.
Me: Dead of meat?
Em: Yep and it says (high voice) “Oh no, I’m dead of meat and I’m going to just lie here forever. But if Sebby and Ember are in the house, and Shea comes home I will sting him and he will go OWWWWWWW!!” Wops will sting you if you hit them and if you gentle them.  You don't gentle wops.  But I gentle bees. Bees is nice and they got yellow stripes and I gentle them.
Me: Well, you shouldn't touch bees or wasps because they might think you're trying to hurt them and sting you.
Em: Yes! Bees has yellow stripes and they are nice ones.
Me: You shouldn't touch them sweety because they might sting you and that would really hurt.
Em: Ok, I won't touch them.  And I won't hurt you Mummy.
Me: Thanks!

A bit later we got onto her birthday list.  It was going to be a Christmas list, but I pointed out that her birthday came before Christmas.

Em: Um, I want a tractor. And a truck.  Just pretend toy ones, not big ones.
Me: Ok.
Em: And a dinosaur toy!
Me: Right.
Em: And a dass!
Me: A what?
Em: A dass!
Me: I don't know what that is.
Em: It's a dass and it's like a little bird. Or a elephant.
Me: I still don't know what it is.
Em: And I want a shower that goes over the door and the water comes out of.
Me: We've got a shower, there.
Em: No, a little one.
Me: How little?
Em: This little (holding her fingers very slightly apart)
Me: You mean a toy one?  Like for your dolls house?
Em: Yes, and a plastic doll for the shower.

Nana - take your pick!  I think you should get her a dass.

If only her subjects were more obedient...

For some time now I've thought that Ember might be destined for a career in teaching, given her love of telling people what to do and organising things the way she likes them.  However, more recently I suspect that she may be more suited to leading a dictatorship.

For example, every night Ember has either a sandwich or a cracker in bed.  She has them the same way every time, but whoever is entrusted with sandwich or cracker duty has to listen to the whole schpiel before being dismissed. E.G:
Me: Goodnight
Em: But Mummy I'm huuuuuuuungry
Me: Sandwich or cracker?
Em: Ummmm. Cracker. NO WAIT! (pause) Sandwich.
Me: OK (go to leave)
Em: No, wait! I got to tell you!
Me: I know what you want.
Em: No, stop Mummy, listen to my words that I'm saying to you.
Me: Fine...
Em: I want a sandwich with 40 butter and the whole sandwich -
Me: (heading for the door) yep, I know...
Em: Stop! I need to tell you! I want a sandwich with the whole sandwich and the whole butter, 50 butter and the sandwich like THAT (claps hands together).
Me: (staying, waiting)
Em: Like THAT (clap. Long pause) That's all! Go and get my sandwich now ok!

This evening she was playing with my iPad and went into the DrawSomething app.  She managed to buy a new colour pack (shades of green, surprise, surprise) and kept calling me over to show me as she drew with each one.  I was trying to do some work, but went to look each time (the things we do).  The last time I thought I may as well stay...
Em: Mummy look! I got another green! I like new colours they are fun and fun and fun.  That's my job, getting new colours.  Look what I drawed!
Me: (coming over) That looks cool.  I like the colours.
(I sit down next to her. She looks at me for a moment then points at the computer...)
Em: Will you go and work now over there please?

It's nice to feel appreciated...

Thankfully it does seem to work the other way sometimes too.  I was explaining why I wasn't going to get Ember a chocolate milk when we stopped for petrol, and on the brink of a tantrum Ember stopped herself and said: "Ok Mummy, I'll listen to your words."

Saturday, May 19, 2012

The Trampoline Song

Ember and I were on the trampoline (it's a Springfree model, which I can highly recommend!) this afternoon, jumping together while holding hands (yes, this is what we do). Ember started singing an original song, which she was also able to repeat later on request. It's not quite the same without the tune, but these were the lyrics:

Em: Mummy is a grown up
And I'm nearly a grown up
And I'll be a big girl like Mummy
And daddies will break the trampoline
And Hannahs doesn't break the trampoline
And Hannah is a big girl too.
Tabasco jumps up super really higher
And Pocoyo is my cat.

I think it's destined to be a hit!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A cow in cows' clothing

On our way into work/Preschool yesterday morning, we were just about over the boundary into Hamilton when Ember piped up in tones of great excitement from the back seat:

Em: Mummy!  Do you know what I saw?!  There were cows!
Me: Yes, there were!
Em: And the cows were wearing cow coats!
Me: Well, I think that was just the colour of the cows.
Em: No, they was wearing cow coats, they was wearing black and white cow coats because the cows were a bit chilly.
Me: They might have been, but those cows are called Fresians, and their coats are black and white.  I mean, they aren't wearing coats, their hair is just that colour.  Like Tabasco is woolly and apricot coloured.
Em: I has a cow at my green house.  And my cow is a bit chilly so he's wearing a cow suit, I give it to him.  I give him a cow suit because he's a bit chilly Mummy.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Shoot the girls (and make them cry)

We've been up at Nana Jay's house this weekend and had a lovely time.  This evening after arriving back home though, we have had a host of classic Emberisms!

Our local library moves the well-loved, slightly scratched kid's DVDs into the 'free' section, and Ember loves choosing herself a DVD as well as some books when we go to the library.  Last time she chose "The Saddle Club" movie, and decided she wanted to watch it this evening.  There was one bit where two of the girls were busking, doing a little song and dance routine to raise money for the pony club.
Em:  Look, they doing a dance!
Me: Yes, they're busking.
Em: That's a nice dance isn't it?
Me: Yep.
Em: They are clever girls.  Look, here come the people!
Me: Yes.
Em: They will be nice to the girls and watching them dance?
Me: Yes, they might give them some money.
Em: They not going to shoot them?
Me: (laughing) No, they're not!
Em: They going to be nice to them and not shoot them away?

I think (I hope) she means 'shoo' them away :)

Ember was in the bath tonight and I can't remember why but she started talking about royalty...
Em:  I'll be the princess and you can be the... no, I'll be the king... The princess is belongs to the king and... No, Daddy is the king and you can be the queen.
Me: Ok, and are you the princess?
Em: No!
Me: Who are you then?
Em: I'm the people.  And the people will wave the flag.
Me: Oh, is that what the people do?
Em: Yes, at your wedding and the queen marries the king.  The people wave the flag and you be married.

A bit later she grabbed one of her rubber bath ducks and squeezed the water out of it, then put it against her tummy so it sucked on. She thrust her chest out and looked at me and said "Look, I'm a hero!"

One more to share from the other night - we had a tired tantrumy night which switched from screaming and crying to cuddles and apologies every five minutes (literally!)  During one crying session, in which my crime was getting her to put her pyjamas on, she sobbed at me "Mummy, you've completely ruined my day!"  I couldn't help but laugh, although I don't think that helped the situation particularly!